Wedding Etiquette Forum

STEP/NON STEP PARENTS

So here is the deal... My parents are still married but have been illegally separated for atleast 8 years. During that time period my dad has been in a steady relationship with the same woman. I am getting married next year and my mother has made it clear that his Girlfriend is not family and she has to know her place (ie. she has no place) in the wedding. She has in fact given me a list...

-She is not to be recognized or walk down the aisle at the ceremony
-She is not allowed at the rehearsal dinner
-She is not allowed to sit at the same table as the parents during the reception

I am really at a loss. I never planned to recognize her in any way in the first place, however; I think it is a bit overkill for her to have to sit at a separate table or to be excluded from the dinner but thee last thing I need to think about on my wedding day is a confrontation. What to do?

Re: STEP/NON STEP PARENTS

  • If you're dad is invited to the rehearsal dinner, his SO needs to be as well.

    She should sit with your dad at the ceremony, she can just be walked up by an usher, she doesn't need to be part of the procession or anything like that.

    For dinner can you put your parents at separate tables so your father can sit with his SO?  They shouldn't be split up.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stepnon-step-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f52d2aec-35c9-4dbe-9be4-841bd33519d5Post:9cc03937-8363-4e0f-99b5-711b39b42fab">Re: STEP/NON STEP PARENTS</a>:
    [QUOTE]She should not be excluded. That's just stupid. Tell your mom to suck it up for one day and get over it. Its been eight years.
    Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. It would be very rude to exclude her from the RD or make her sit apart from your dad at the reception.</div>
  • She should not be excluded. That's just stupid. Tell your mom to suck it up for one day and get over it. Its been eight years.
  • This sounds like my mother with the whole "You're not family" comments. 

    My parents will be sitting at 2 different tables. Dad+his girlfriend+his family at one table. Mom+her family at another. 


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  • First, I am so sorry that your mother has put you in this situation.

    Second, What kind of relationship do you have with Dad's GF?

    Third, Tell your mother to grow up but put a pretty bow on it.  Explain to her that she is taking away part of your happiness by putting this burden on you and that if she can't suck it up...for her daughter's wedding day happiness...then maybe she should take a look in the mirror at what she is doing to you.  And more importantly, herself.  If you have hate in your heart...happiness will find somewhere else to live.
  • She needs to be seated with your father at the rehersal, the reception, and the wedding itself.  Your mom just needs to put her big girl panties on and deal with the fact that she will be there and that she will sit with him.  That would be like splitting up your wedding party guests from their dates so they can sit with you.  
  • I'm not normally a fan of inviting the "other woman" (or other man,) etiquette or not, but if Mom and Dad have been separated for more than eight years, and she's been in the picture that long...yeah, time to treat this like an official relationship, not an affair.

    As far as seating arrangements:  If dad is invited to the rehersal dinner, than so is she, but mom and dad don't have to sit near each other.  (And don't let mom pay for the rehersal dinner, because you can't force her to pay for this woman.)  His and hers sides for ceremony seating are falling out of fashion, so mom and almost-step-mom don't have to sit on the same side.   And at the reception, you and your FI might consider a sweetheart table for just the two of you.  Then mom and dad can each anchor their own tables, on different sides of the room.

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  • Is mom paying for the wedding?  If so, you need to sit down and ask her who she thinks this will fool.  They have been in a serious relationship for years and are a couple.  Period.

    If mom is not paying, let her know that while you understand her opinion you don't necessarily agree with it and each set of parents will host their own tables.

    Regardless of who is paying, I really encourage you to have the parents all host tables. 
  • What is illegally separated?

    In any event, this is your dad's s/o.  Your mom is going to have to get over it.
  • Thanks to everyone for all of the comments. I was prefaced by previous brides  that there would  be several instances of people causing adversity to my plan. However you never can really predict so when things do happen it is still a shocker.
    MyNameIsNot  an illegal separation is one that has not been granted by the court.
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