Wedding Etiquette Forum

No Thank You Card

        I was invited to two bridal showers on the same day about a month and half ago.  Since I couldn't go to both, I decided to attend the shower of the closer friend.  Even though I couldn't attend the other shower I sent out multiple gifts from her registry to let her know I was thinking of her. 
        About a month after the shower I still hadn't received a thank you note from the bride of the shower I was unable to attend, so I sent her a private message on Facebook asking her if she had received the gifts.  Since then I have received no response as to whether or not she received the presents, and I know she's been on FB because she has put up multiple posts.  My questions are: 1. Should I assume she received the gift and is just being rude about the thank you note?  2.  What would YOU do about giving a gift at the wedding?  Thanks you for opinion!  :)
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Re: No Thank You Card

  • Maybe she's just really behind, and also it's possible she didn't get your FB message yet, since sometimes I miss FB inbox stuff for a while, too. I wouldn't assume the worst- yet.
  • Is it possible that she's mad that you chose to attend the other shower?  Even if she is mad at you, it's still wrong of her to not send a TY  note or at least answer your FB message.  Can you call her or try regular e-mail instead of FB?

    If you're going to the actual wedding, I would take a small gift.  If you aren't planning to go, and this issue hasn't been resolved, I wouldn't send anything else.
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  • I miss inbox stuff all the time on FB.  It's not in a really obvious place anymore, so it's easy to forget.  I'd give it some time.  If you're worried about her not receiving a wedding gift, I'd bring a card with cash to the reception.
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  • edited July 2010
    She may just be busy and hasn't had time to write the TY notes yet and doesn't want to respond to the FB message until she has.
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  • A month and a half ago is a long time, but I suppose she could be running behind.

    Did you ship the items through the retailer?  Can you check the delivery through them to make sure it arrived on time?  I would imagine it did, but it can't hurt to check.

    I also agree on the FB message -- sometimes I completely overlook those.  Give her a call. 

    Besides that though...not much you can do.

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  • Maybe call her and ask her how the shower went?  Apologize again for not being able to make it and casually ask if she got the gifts you sent?  Sometimes I will read a facebook message, not have time to respond that second, and then forget about it.  A phone call is more likely to be answered imo.
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  • How long ago did you send the facebook message?  Maybe her response was to drop your note in the mail. 

    Also dito pp.  If you're that worried about it, call. 
  • I messaged her on Facebook about 2 weeks ago.  Yes, I will be attending the wedding.
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  • Did you make it clear in your note that the gift was intended for the shower?  Maybe she thought it was her wedding gift, and also thinks that she shouldn't send TY notes for wedding gifts until after the wedding (wrong, but some people believe this).  I know if I receive something in the mail around the time of my shower, I will have no idea whether it's intended as a shower or wedding gift unless they specify it on the note.
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  • I had a similar situation, I was invited to a wedding but could not attend so I sent a cheque with the RSVP card which was cashed about a week later, still no thank you and the wedding has passed and the cheque was cashed 4-5 months ago.  Some people are just rude.
  • Sounds like she may be mad you didn't make the shower. Did she know you attended another shower the same day?

    I would call her up and say, "Hey, I messaged you on FB, but haven't heard back from you, and I just wanted to make sure the gifts got to you."
  • I'd assume she got them, if she hasn't responded.

    My best friend took three months to get her thank you cards out, so maybe that particular girl either hasn't gotten them done yet, OR she doesn't know etiquette and thinks she should send out TY cards after her wedding.

    I'd just get her something small for the wedding, especially since you said you gave her several things.
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  • Two of my male co-workers got married one week apart of each other.  I was invited to one of the weddings and not the other.  I declined the invitation I was given.  Still, I gave them each a wedding gift because that's just the way I am.  It took 6 months to get a thank you card from one of the couples and never received one from the other couple.  Funny thing is that I didn't receive the TY card from the couple whose wedding I was invited to! I thought it took way too long for the TY card that I did receive as they should be received 2 months after the wedding, but they did have 300 guests, so I let it slide.  But, I thought it was in poor taste that the other couple did not give a TY card.  And you can't say it got lost in the mail because they didn't have addresses to begin with!

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