Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bachelor Party Ettiquette

FI is in the process of planning a bachelor party for a buddy of his getting married in a few months. I was running through our next few weeks with FMIL and brought up the bachelor party.

She was curious about it and asked who would be involved. I told her that FI's buddy's BM is in New Orleans so FI and the other groomsman are planning everything but that it would probably include other friends in the area. She was shocked that FI's buddy, we'll call him Mike for simplicity's sake, Mike's uncles, brother and dad wouldn't be included. When I brought up the fact that Mike's family are all out of state and Mike, FI and the other groomsman are a unique bunch for whom a bachelor party simply means any other night hanging out playing video games and card games, just with more food, I pointed out that I wasn't sure how many people beyond FI and Mike's social circle that would appeal to.

She asked me "Well what about the money?" I said "What money?" and she informed me that the bachelor party is where the Groom's family gives money to the groom to help them start a new life. I had never heard this before in my life...like ever. And when I asked my mom about it, she said "Not in Oklahoma it's not."

So here's my question. Is this standard protocol for bachelor parties? is it a regional thing? is it an old fashioned thing? Everything I've found about bachelor parties makes no mention of this so I'm honestly curious where this came from and if it's something we should do.

Re: Bachelor Party Ettiquette

  • If the parents decide to give the groom money, for whatever reason, that really shouldn't have anything to do with the bachelor party. Your FI isn't going to pocket anything for throwing the party and I imagine if the family wants to give the groom money, they will do so wether or not they plan the bachelor party. I really wouldn't worry about it.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • I'm from New England and I know that my uncles who got married in the early 70's had "casino night" bachelor parties in their church's basement. They had poker games and roulette etc; the winner would win but the "lost" money went to the "house"-- the groom and his bride. That tradition has since been outdated
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  • I have never heard of this!

    In my area, the bachelor party is where whomever the groom wants invited buys him drinks & they do activities that he would like.

    Usually the BM (or whomever is planning it) will consult with the Groom as to the guest list and any special requests.
  • maggieandreymaggieandrey member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    In New England, it's called a Stag party. It's separate from a Bachelor party, which is a more intimate gathering of just the groom and his buddies.

    At a stag, it's all about raising money for the groom. The BM / Groomsmen sell tickets, it's usually open to people that aren't even invited to the wedding, and there are typically food and drinks provided and raffles / door prizes.

    My fiance isn't having one, but he's gone to probably a dozen or more so far this year.
    image 312 Invited
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  • That is seriously wacky. Of all the events to expect the groom to keep track of gifts, the supposed tradition is for a night he'll be skunk drunk on? I think your friend is confused.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Thank Maggie, Good to know that my FMIL wasn't totally out in left field.

    Yeah, FMIL has been very much about gifts since the beginning of the planning process, wanting to send invites to family of hers who "Won't come, but they're loaded so they'll send a good gift."

    Pele, FI and his friends aren't big drinkers, so they won't be drunk, but they're a bizzare group so applying any rules of traditional bachelor parties to these guys would be laughable.
  • In Response to Re:Bachelor Party Ettiquette:[QUOTE]Thank Maggie, Good to know that my FMIL wasn't totally out in left field. Yeah, FMIL has been very much about gifts since the beginning of the planning process, wanting to send invites to family of hers who "Won't come, but they're loaded so they'll send a good gift." Pele, FI and his friends aren't big drinkers, so they won't be drunk, but they're a bizzare group so applying any rules of traditional bachelor parties to these guys would be laughable. Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

    Heehee, just you wait. My groom is a massive nerd, and his friends had the exact same party planned for him. They still brought alcohol, and my poor guy spent the next day swearing never to touch a drink again. I made him clean the bathroom after he pulled himself out of bed at 2pm. Lol.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • I live in Ohio and haven't heard of that either. I do know one of my friends, her husband planned an all day event of sorts which included uncles & dads. They started off their day with golf follwed by a nice steak dinner at the golf course where they played. Since both fathers & several uncles golf, they got invited to golf & dinner. After dinner the younger crowed took & limo & headed downtown & went to a few bars. Invities to the older relatives though weren't for getting money from them, it was done as a fun way for all the guys from both families to get to know each other a little better in a casual atmosphere & an excuse to go play golf.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f5d705d2-2608-4c30-9475-49d3d2204edcPost:eeae5125-b8ca-4bb5-a427-2e5822363bd5">Re: Bachelor Party Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In New England, it's called a Stag party. It's separate from a Bachelor party, which is a more intimate gathering of just the groom and his buddies. At a stag, it's all about raising money for the groom. The BM / Groomsmen sell tickets, it's usually open to people that aren't even invited to the wedding, and there are typically food and drinks provided and raffles / door prizes. My fiance isn't having one, but he's gone to probably a dozen or more so far this year.
    Posted by maggieandrey[/QUOTE]



    It's totally a New England thing. I have exes and guy friends that have gone to these/had these... (I am originally from CT). My FI isn't having one either!
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  • Yeah, FMIL is from upstate NY. And only moved to OK in the last 15 years. Hence my question about it being regional. Sorry. I forgot to include that information in the OP.
  • I am from CT and yes its a Stag Party. My F will be having one. They are very popular here. Usually its not the grooms family though, its still the groomsman that throw it. They sell tickets adn the money goes to the groom after the groomsman take out what it cost them to throw it.
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  • I've never heard of this "custom" of a bachelor party being about giving gifts to the groom.

    I think your FMIL needs to butt out of this.
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