Wedding Etiquette Forum

FMIL- Is this OK?? (long!)

Let me preface this post by saying that my FMIL is really, really sweet. She really is a good person with a good heart and I am happy to be her FDIL.

Ok, so...
My parent's are paying for most of the wedding costs, including the reception.  FI and I are only paying for a few random things, like the photog, flowers, limo, gifts for BP, and a few other little things. My parent's wanted to do this for us, and I am so grateful.  We are still in school and don't have "real" jobs yet, so we couldn't afford this wedding without their help. (We would prob go to Vegas- which I am thinking might have been a good idea!;) 

We have about 230 guests invited (as in, the invites are out and expected back my May 7th).  My parent's budget is based on about 190 people actually coming (we have quite a few family members who are OOT and we already know won't come).  They are planning, of course, for the situation in which more that 190 people would come, but we don't want to encourage it, per say.  

So, last weekend my FMIL sent me a list of 21 people to add. 21!!!! She said she was looking at the guest list and noticed some of her work friends and cousins and grandparent's siblings weren't on the list.  But we sat down together in February and went over the list together to get addresses.  I just felt shocked! I asked my parent's and they said absolutely no way are we adding to the list.  I had built in a few extras for her and my FI, so I told her we could add 5.  But what else can I say??? We really, really cannot afford it! Not only is that more people, but it's more tables, centerpieces, favors, programs, escort cards, place cards...etc etc!

She did give me 1000 bucks a few weeks ago for wedding costs.  Not that that would cover the cost of all of those extras, but I already am giving it to my parents to help with costs.  Then she offered to pay for the extra people once I said that 21 people might be too many extras.  What do I tell her!? Do I really ask her to give me more money for these people??? 

Re: FMIL- Is this OK?? (long!)

  • Your FI can explain that due to budget and space constraints, no more guests can be added. Even if they are willing to pay for the extras, invitations, centerpieces, etc. have already been finalized and there is no way anyone else can be added.
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  • You're already over-budget by 40 if you have 100% coming, so tell her you absolutely cannot add anymore. And have your FI do it, since it's his mom. He can tell her you all can send announcements to the others later
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  • The invites are already out. It would be weird to send out a whole new batch. Wouldn't those people feel slighted?
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  • Have your FI explain to his mother all the reasons you cannot invite more people.  This is his mother, so he should deal with her. 
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  • If your venue can hold the extra people, and she offered to pay for it, then why do you need to ask her to pay? If she can cover the expenses, then I say to invite her friends. You don't need ot ask her to pay - just accept her offer.
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