question from a wedding guest - help!

ccny778

I have been invited to a friend's wedding with my fiance.  My fiance can no longer attend due to work.  I (of course) will alert the bride.  What's the etiquette re asking her if I can invite a good friend in his place.  I know no one at this wedding besides the bride and groom!

Thanks!

lyndausvi

I was a pretty chill bride.  If I got a call that your FI couldn't come I would offer you to bring someone.       That, however, is not always the case.

It's considered rude, but if you know the bride well enough and think she will be okay with it, go ahead and ask.   If you are not sure, I wouldn't ask, but hope she would offer.  

If she doesn't offer and you are really don't want to go by yourself (which I completely understand if you truly do not know anyone else) I think I would just attend the ceremony and then go home.  Of course, letter know.

Loopyseven

When is the wedding?  If she's already turned in her final numbers for catering, and you're fairly close to her, I'd ask about bringing a friend - it won't change her bottom line.  If you sent the RSVP in early and things changed but she can still change her counts, I'd go solo and probably just not stay very long.  We tried to seat people who didn't know anyone else with people we thought they'd have something in common with - so hopefully the bride will do that as well.

mamabear329

I would think that as long as you're asking politely if she'd mind if you brought someone with you, it would be perfectly fine. What would be rude, would be just telling her you're bringing someone else, or just not telling her at all. Keep in mind of course, that it is well within her rights and proper etiquette for her to decline and state that the invitation was for you and your FI only.
 
Let her know as soon as possible so that she can take it into account with her numbers, and be prepared to attend solo, or politely decline your attendance if you're not comfortable attending alone (only if necessary). If you do decide not to attend, PLEASE be as polite to this bride...it does seem kind of rude to decline your attendance if you can't bring someone who was not actually invited, especially if you are a friend of the bride. Really the only way I would decline my attendance in this situation, would be if this couple were friends of my FI and not mutual friends, in which I would be immensely uncomfortable going alone.

TheWeddingBunny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-from-a-wedding-guest-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6746417-9a8c-4074-94b5-4ecd45038edbPost:5b3961c7-bfb7-4aa4-b209-ebc21c214f38">question from a wedding guest - help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been invited to a friend's wedding with my fiance.  My fiance can no longer attend due to work.  I (of course) will alert the bride.  What's the etiquette re asking her if I can invite a good friend in his place.  I know no one at this wedding besides the bride and groom! Thanks!
Posted by ccny778[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think it depends on the relationship you have with the bride, honestly.  I was in the same position as you, and RSVP'd for just myself.  My FI sent his regrets in the RSVP card.  I got a call from the bride saying she had received the RSVP and if I wanted to bring someone with me so I didn't have to drive alone (a little over an hour) that she was totally fine with it.</div><div>
</div><div>So, I think when you alert the bride, let her response be your guide.  She may offer and you don't even have to ask.</div><div>
</div><div>But if she does not offer, PLEASE don't go there.  I am dealing with a nightmare of a woman who has tried everything to get herself into the wedding (slippigng hreself in as a +1 when our invitations were name specific, attempting to email FI's family to get an invite, and trying to convince people that my FI's daughter needs a chaperoone so she is going to come as that role) and at this point the woman is pathetic and annoying.  So, careful how far you take it.  Not saying you would go this far as honestly, who would, but if the bride says no or doe snot offer, please leave it there.</div>

mimi2982

I think it depends on the bride, as everyone has said above.. for me personally.. i wouldnt really feel comfortable with one of my guests bringing a plus one (or asking if they can invite a plus one), if they were not romantically involved with them.. its a wedding, not a party! But every bride and wedding is dfferent, im only giving you my point of view.

I agree, probably not a good idea to ask the bride. she knows that you dont know anyone at the wedding, so if she wanted to give you the chance to invite a friend, she probably would have told you this by now.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-from-a-wedding-guest-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6746417-9a8c-4074-94b5-4ecd45038edbPost:fa59bcb8-c80e-43cc-9a9d-ce67f03b5c93">Re: question from a wedding guest - help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends on the bride, as everyone has said above.. for me personally.. i wouldnt really feel comfortable with one of my guests bringing a plus one (or asking if they can invite a plus one), if they were not romantically involved with them.. its a wedding, not a party! But every bride and wedding is dfferent, im only giving you my point of view. I agree, probably not a good idea to ask the bride. she knows that you dont know anyone at the wedding, so if she wanted to give you the chance to invite a friend, she probably would have told you this by now.
Posted by mimi2982[/QUOTE]

<div>So in this case, where the guest doesn't know anyone other then couple, you would not let her bring someone she was not romantically involved with?  Interesting.</div><div>
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</div><div>
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NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-from-a-wedding-guest-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6746417-9a8c-4074-94b5-4ecd45038edbPost:fa59bcb8-c80e-43cc-9a9d-ce67f03b5c93">Re: question from a wedding guest - help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends on the bride, as everyone has said above.. for me personally.. i wouldnt really feel comfortable with one of my guests bringing a plus one (or asking if they can invite a plus one), if they were not romantically involved with them.. i<strong>ts a wedding, not a party</strong>! But every bride and wedding is dfferent, im only giving you my point of view. I agree, probably not a good idea to ask the bride. she knows that you dont know anyone at the wedding, so if she wanted to give you the chance to invite a friend, she probably would have told you this by now.
Posted by mimi2982[/QUOTE]

<div>Not sure about yours, but my wedding was probably the biggest and best party I'll ever throw.  Guests having fun was paramount for me.  </div><div>
</div><div>I 100% understand not allowing a guest to bring a substitute for their partner if you're having huge budget constraints, etc., but disallowing it just for the sake of them not being "romantically involved" seems pretty weird.   What's the worry?  </div>

mimi2982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-from-a-wedding-guest-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6746417-9a8c-4074-94b5-4ecd45038edbPost:b0d1caf9-4588-40d6-afe1-6a6c943ad027">Re: question from a wedding guest - help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: question from a wedding guest - help! : Not sure about yours, but my wedding was probably the biggest and best party I'll ever throw.  Guests having fun was paramount for me.   I 100% understand not allowing a guest to bring a substitute for their partner if you're having huge budget constraints, etc., but disallowing it just for the sake of them not being "romantically involved" seems pretty weird.   What's the worry?  
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]


yes its a party i totally agree.. what i meant was a wedding feels different to me (when compared to a party) in that its very personal to the bride and groom, in that every guest has a history and relationship with the bride and groom. it would just feel a bit inpersonal to me if i didnt really know the plus one.

'romantically involved' (gosh i sound like my grandma!) i think maybe i feel this way cause weddings are a celebration of love and the personal relationship you have with your guests, its doesnt feel as personal (to me) if someone brings their friend rather than their partner.

this is just my opinion... and actually a bit hard to explain, hope ive made some sense..

maybe i should also mention that where i come from, you dont usually see plus ones on the invite, they are usually addressed to the couple.

DramaGeek

I was the guest in this exact situation. The bride was a friend of H's and neither of us knew anyone except the bride and groom.  We RSVPed yes for both of us, H requested the day off, but he didn't get it.  Suddenly, less than a week before the wedding, I was going alone.

I did call the bride and explained that he wouldn't be able to come, I wasn't comfortable coming alone, and would it be ok for me to bring someone in his stead.  The bride said yes, I went with my mom, and we all lived happily ever after.

Depending on how close to the wedding date OP is, the bride may have basically two choices - allow her to bring a guest and pay for the meals she was planning on, or not allow OP to bring a guest and then end up paying for two meals that will go unused.  With my social anxiety there is no way I'd be able to go alone to a wedding unless I knew a lot of other people there.

ccny778

Thanks all!  I reached out to the bride letting her know that my fiance would not be able to come.  I told her I would do whatever she was comfortable with and was was easiest for her and her bottom line.  We will see what she says!  If she says, you know it makes sense for me financially to fill the spot, please bring your friend, fine.  If she says no, that's fine, too.  I left it up to her to do whatever.  I am planning a wedding, too and I know I would appreciate it if someone left it to me and then I could figure out what that means to my bottom line.

Thanks again, all!