We don't want kids at the wedding....

forrestgrant

We asked that no kids attend our wedding, which includes a few toddlers from both sides of the Family.  But one guest, who we'd really like to attend, can not come unless she brings her newborn.  Do we allow this one exception, or is that rude to the other guests?  Mainly, is there a difference between allowing babies, but not toddlers/children?

banana468

People often make exceptions for breastfeeding infants.   If the baby really will be a newborn then it may be quite difficult for:
1) The parents to find a sitter with whom they are comfortable - particularly if it's an OOT wedding.  It's quite different to babysit an infant compared to an older baby or a toddler or older child.

2) If mom is nursing, she may not be able to pump enough for the baby during the time she'll be away from the baby.

3) Even if she does pump enough to keep the baby happy, she'll still need to leave your reception to pump.  That means doing so in the bathroom or other location still at the reception.

4) Infants behave differently then older children.  They may cry and they need attention, but older children can actually get into things.  A cake being toppled over isn't the result of an infant.

Personally, I'd make the exception for the infant and stick to your guns on the other kids.

twilight.rose

As PP said, it's generally acceptable to make an exception to a "no kids" rule for newborns.

tenofcups4me

I've never seen a baby at a wedding and would not have wanted one at mine. It was a formal evening reception with a 10-piece band and an overall adult atmosphere, just not the place for a child of any age. I also can't imagine why anyone would want to bring their newborn into that situation.

I guess it just depends on how much you want the parents there. I probably would have made an exception for my sister, but I doubt I would have for anyone else. But if it's really important to you that this guest attend and she really can't make any other accommodations (which makes no sense to me), I guess the baby comes too.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:89fb85ee-2164-4591-956a-4c9769a77398">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen a baby at a wedding and would not have wanted one at mine. It was a formal evening reception with a 10-piece band and an overall adult atmosphere, just not the place for a child of any age. I also can't imagine why anyone would want to bring their newborn into that situation. I guess it just depends on how much you want the parents there. I probably would have made an exception for my sister, but I doubt I would have for anyone else. But if it's really important to you that this guest attend and she really can't make any other accommodations (which makes no sense to me), I guess the baby comes too.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

You're the most understanding person I've met.

tenofcups4me

Yes, I'm a cold-hearted bitch who believes that certain places aren't appropriate for kids. The horror.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:64ae2977-0156-4bf6-b897-294c7fa6295f">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE] 3) Even if she does pump enough to keep the baby happy, she'll still need to leave your reception to pump.  That means doing so in the bathroom or other location still at the reception. Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I asked my reception hall to let me keep the 'holding room' (that the wedding party uses just before the reception) open all night for the nursing mothers. 

Lisa8888

I agree with tensofcups. Kids and babies don't belong at weddings. I would not make any exceptions. It is very rude to other guests. There is no reason why the parents can not find a babysitter. Newborns generally want to sleep a lot and shouldn't be out with loud music. Newborns cry and cry often. Guests should not have to listen to a crying baby. There is no place to put a newborn.

Birdie1483

I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a crying baby at some point...

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:0cdc8a24-216f-4a89-83df-a6fe35e1cebf">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a crying baby at some point...
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

Same here and as much as I don't like kids at weddings, I think there has to be an exception for newborns for all the reasons Banana stated.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:2b2e0c31-7143-41f9-a8b8-bd082f7d7667">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I'm a cold-hearted bitch who believes that certain places aren't appropriate for kids. The horror.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
It's just the way you said it Ten.  I was a no-kids person too, but I can see how a newborn that's only a couple of weeks old would kind of need to make have an exception made. 

jnic0319

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:89fb85ee-2164-4591-956a-4c9769a77398">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never seen a baby at a wedding and would not have wanted one at mine. It was a formal evening reception with a 10-piece band and an overall adult atmosphere, just not the place for a child of any age. I also can't imagine why anyone would want to bring their newborn into that situation. I guess it just depends on how much you want the parents there. I probably would have made an exception for my sister, but I doubt I would have for anyone else. But if it's really important to you that this guest attend and she really can't make any other accommodations (which makes no sense to me), I guess the baby comes too.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]


Wow that's slightly harsh ten, and frankly quite rude.  I'm not a mother but I can tell you I would not leave a 2 week old baby.

Generally the rule is any breast feeding child or newborn is an exception to the child rule.  It's not like you have to pay for their plate and really they are so young they will just sleep most of the time, you will never even notice.

lisalou402

Ten of Cups, I'm in your camp.  And I've gotten slammed on here before.  My MOH is due 6 weeks before the wedding and she will not be bringing her newborn to the wedding.  She is committed to pumping,and her in-laws are ecstatic that they will have the baby for the weekend.  When I first started posting, we actually hadn't had some good open discussion about it.  Now we have.  She is relieved her in-laws are taking the baby and does NOT want her infant at the wedding.

It's a personal decision. 

Sing2phins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:31e2ade8-8227-44fc-a576-ddf668fc21b2">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]Ten of Cups, I'm in your camp.  And I've gotten slammed on here before.  My MOH is due 6 weeks before the wedding and she will not be bringing her newborn to the wedding.  She is committed to pumping,and her in-laws are ecstatic that they will have the baby for the weekend.  When I first started posting, we actually hadn't had some good open discussion about it.  Now we have.  She is relieved her in-laws are taking the baby and does NOT want her infant at the wedding. It's a personal decision. 
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]
I have to question any woman who would leave a 6-week-old for a weekend.  For an evening (not overnight)?  Sure.  A whole day?  Maybe, but that's pushing it.  An entire weekend?  That's ridiculous.

temerityjane

tenofcups may have sounded harsh, and I am having kids at my wedding, and all of that, but I don't think she is saying "Nursing mothers must come to my wedding and leave their babies at home." Instead, I would think it would be along the lines of, "If you're a nursing mother and not comfortable leaving your baby at home without you, we'll miss you at the wedding."

That is, not demanding a woman leave her infant at home, but graciously accepting that a mother may instead choose not to attend.

You don't HAVE to have children of any age at your wedding (though I do think banning nursing infants is harsh). All you have to do is not pitch a fit when parents opt not to attend.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-kids-wedding-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6c0326a-5944-4060-8487-9e08521f813dPost:27af5c84-3a57-447a-a06a-cfa8e32ce876">Re: We don't want kids at the wedding....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We don't want kids at the wedding.... : Wow that's slightly harsh ten, and frankly quite rude.  I'm not a mother but I can tell you I would not leave a 2 week old baby. Posted by jnic0319[/QUOTE]

But you WOULD be a bring a two-week-old baby to a wedding with loud live music and hundreds of people? To me that's even more crazy. 

I guess I'm in a bad mood this morning because I'm not seeing how my response was the slightest bit harsh. I do believe there are some places that are not appropriate for kids and certainly not appropriate for newborns. If the parents can't or don't want to leave their baby (and yes I can understand not leaving a newborn with a stranger for example), they just might have to decline. It's part of being a parent.

And I don't understand what breastfeeding has to do with it one way or the other --millions of women who have babies go to work every day.

lisalou402

Why would you question someone who leaves an infant for 2 nights?  She's leaving them with the grandparents of the child? Does this mean she's an awful parent? That's a big judgement. 

That friday night is the rehearsal, so she may bring the baby then, she may not.

She's not leaving the baby alone in the house!  or with the dog!  or with a babysitter!  I guess i don't see the issue with the grandparents watching the baby!

We've known each other for 25 years, and she is deciding that in order to enjoy my wedding day, which we've both talked about since we are 15, she would not like her infant child there.  I don't think this is that harsh!

banana468

I don't think ten is being harsh.  I think it's different strokes for different folks.

I don't know how I'll feel about leaving our baby overnight at such a young age - particularly since this is our (hopefully) first baby.   We'll still be getting used to things so if we were to go somewhere at the 6 week mark, I'd hope that the hosts were flexible.

That said, if they said no, DH and I would evaluate and see what our game plan would be.  I wouldn't say that the hosts were hurtful for not allowing nursing infants, but if we can't make it work for logistical reasons, I hope they also don't hold it against us. - and we're hardly going to be people who will be the "We go everywhere our kids go" type.  I'm already planning to go back to work but I know I'll be pumping there too.

Bottom line - I don't think this is a perfectly cut and dry decision.

sasha625

We had a few newborns who stayed with sitters they hired (local guests) or our sitters we hired (out of town guests). They didnt seem to have a problem with it, but if one of them had asked if they could bring the baby because of the b-feeding issue I don't believe I would have had an issue. Although, with a lot of women working and breastfeeding these days, its not that big a deal for women to be away for many hours...whether they have to pump or not. And all the mom guests appreciated getting to leave their babies with sitters sooo much! My best friend was escatic as she hadnt had a night off in the past few months. My guess is most women would not want to bring their babies to a wedding.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We don't want kids at the wedding.... : <strong>But you WOULD be a bring a two-week-old baby to a wedding with loud live music and hundreds of people? </strong>To me that's even more crazy.  I guess I'm in a bad mood this morning because I'm not seeing how my response was the slightest bit harsh. I do believe there are some places that are not appropriate for kids and certainly not appropriate for newborns. If the parents can't or don't want to leave their baby (and yes I can understand not leaving a newborn with a stranger for example), they just might have to decline. It's part of being a parent. And I don't understand what breastfeeding has to do with it one way or the other --millions of women who have babies go to work every day.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

One probably does worse bringing their baby out of the house in day-to-day activities, with regards to how many people they come in contact with and loud noises.

I don't see anything wrong with bringing a newborn to a wedding reception, and in response to one of your earlier comments, I certainly don't see anything wrong with leaving a 6-week-old with the grandparents or any family member for a weekend.