Wedding Etiquette Forum

Change of plans

In the beginning, we were planning a medium sized wedding.  FMIL hosted a very informal engagement party a year and a half before our wedding date (facebook invites, BYOB (if I would have known, I would have not accepted the party)).  Our friends, 40 or so, were invited and it was not a gift giving event.

After much stress and unhappiness, we have decided we would prefer a very intimate family only wedding instead. Around 15 people total. Is there any way to make this okay as I know all people invited to prewedding events must be invited to the wedding.

Re: Change of plans

  • That is a very delicate situation but I guess it would depend on what made you change your mind...

    There isn't going to be a real way to save people's feelings in this one, but if it is for a legitimate reason, such as a lost job or a sudden, signficant decrease in income, it shouldn't matter what people think.

    But remember, if this is because two people in that group got divorced/separated/not speaking and you want to spare yourself the drama of their bickering - this is not the time to cut everyone else off. The pre-wedding party guests expect to be at the main event, so be sure this is truly what you want to do.

    If you don't mind me asking, what caused the change of heart?


    Vacation White Knot
  • I think you're okay.  If people ask as the time gets closer just tell them there was a change of plans and you've decided to do an intimate family only wedding instead.  
  • I also think you're fine.  You're scrapping a big wedding down to the bare minimum... not going from 120 to 80.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_change-of-plans-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f6ca14ad-6497-420e-b704-0dd9570ceed6Post:c076ca9f-5ef5-45ed-9b19-74822883a2f0">Re: Change of plans</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is a very delicate situation but I guess it would depend on what made you change your mind... There isn't going to be a real way to save people's feelings in this one, but if it is for a legitimate reason, such as a lost job or a sudden, signficant decrease in income, it shouldn't matter what people think. But remember, if this is because two people in that group got divorced/separated/not speaking and you want to spare yourself the drama of their bickering - this is not the time to cut everyone else off. The pre-wedding party guests expect to be at the main event, so be sure this is truly what you want to do. If you don't mind me asking, what caused the change of heart?
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

    Money, as always, is a factor but a very very small piece of the puzzle.   Fiance has had many unexpected medical issues this year, including an expensive surgery. FMIL also lost her job and therefore all of their contributions have been pulled, which is fine as we are adults and are perfectly willing to pay for our own wedding. But it does affect our original budget.

    Our engagement was very public, at the annual New Year's Party.  We have reflected on this and both agree we were more concerned with everyone else than each other.  We are also in the midst of seeking out a new social group as our interests now drastically differ from that set of friends. 
  • I think it's fine so long as you stick to very small and family only. You can't invite friends and expect people not to have their feelings hurt. It's easy to justify that you're only inviting parents, grandparents, sibling, and maybe aunts and uncles. That gets a lot harder when friends/extended family are involved.
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  • I'm really sorry to hear that; but it seems like you've really thought it through.

    I hope your FI gets better; that's really tough.

    Good luck to you! Smile
    Vacation White Knot
  • Thank you so much everyone.  I was stressed about having the larger wedding but I was just as stressed about having the smaller wedding and going against ettiquette.  I feel much better now!
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