Romance advice needed.

baby green bird

So I have been talking to this guy over the phone that I met through e-harmony. He seems to be a really nice guy. We have a lot of things in common and we seem to share the same beliefs about religion, politics and the like.

He really wants to meet me, and I want to meet him. Here's my problem: my weight. Since my daughter's death and my failed engagement, I have put on weight. Lot's of weight. I am working on it, but I still have a very unhealthy self- image right now.

He knows about my weight, and says it does not matter, but come on now. Truth be told, it would probably make him less attracted to me. I keep thinking I'll just put off meeting him until I lose some weight, but lawd knows how long that will take.

If you were in my shoes, would you wait to lose the weight before meeting him, or say to hell with it, I am who I am, and go ahead and meet him. Plusalso, there's Zane to consider. How will he react knowing Nana is dating? Your thoughts?

crfische

To hell with it! You are who you are, and anyone and everyone will see that.

Do it, Beeg. DO IT.

You can't keep putting off your life continually waiting for you to be "better." You're perfect the way you are and you are who you are, and if he doesn't think so, who wants the fucker anyway?

banana468

Well, I'm a firm believer in What Not To Wear.  You dress the body you have - not the body you want.

So begin by going to get some great clothing that fits you well, a haircut that flatters the face and begin to get that confidence - since THAT will hopefully help your esteem while you also work on losing weight.

In the meantime, I think Zane is about 10 or 11 now right?  It may be time to tell him that grown adults often crave companionship. 

No one's telling you to move in with him, but a nice afternoon over coffee may be a great step.

JessAndTrav

I don't think that you should let your weight hinder you from finding a companion. My brother met a girl online several years ago, and she's a large person. Did that change how he felt about her when he met her in person? Not a bit. In fact, he ended up moving from TX to NC to be with her, and they've been together for I think 4 or 5 years now.

As far as Zane goes, I can't remember how old you said he is, but if you feel comfortable, talk to him about in a way that he will understand and see what his opinion is.

ricksang

I have no advice about Zane but I want to say that you should be able to date even if you have a Grandchild. It's not like you are going around whoring it up.

You should just meet the guy. The chance might slip by if not. This will be a test to see if he is a really good guy or a shallow A'hole.

anna.oskar

Awesome!  Go for it!

As someone who internet dated, I think you need to be true to you.  There are always going to be assholes that will say you're not pretty, thin, happy, or rich enough.  The hell with them.  You'll never know until you give it a shot.

nda_roxybabe

I think you should it.

lauralaur

Ditto others and meet the guy. He should like you for who you are, right? And banana's right, it will be all about the way you feel. If you walk in feeling confident and you think you look good, you will look good.

SarahPLiz

Your weight is part of you. If he says he has no problem with it, then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe it doesn't.

FWIW, I met FI on e-harmony 3 years ago. I was nervous about my appearance too, but it was so NOT an issue. We went to a wine and tapas bar on our first date and didn't stop talking the whole time. We barely ate or drank because we were so busy talking. We shut that place down!

One of the beauties of E-harmony is that is is full od people who are willing to be open to attraction to people who have a compatible personality. If you sign up for E-harmony thinking you are going to get to pick the tall dark haired bue eyed guy with lots of muscles, then you will be disappointed, since you rarely get to see people until you are already communicating. That's kind of the point of the personality profiling.

GO for it! YOu deserve a compatible mate as much as the next person, so don't put off your happiness one moment longer!

jasmineh7777

I would say go for it. If he says he doesn't care, then all you can do is trust that he means that.
Confidence is beautiful. So,get dressed up and wear something that makes you feel good. Good luck!

thesuninherhead

I would do it. By the time you lose the weight, who knows if he'll still be waiting around? AND, if he is as nice a guy as you believe he is, he would surely look past your weight given that you seem to have a great connection. 

 

As for Zane- he's around 13, right:? This may be something worth discussing with his therapist as to how to go about letting Zane know, although I would imagine that if he feels secure with the knowledge that he is your number one priority, as I'm sure he does, he's going to be understanding- albeit perhaps protective of you. It's hard to know without knowing him how he will react though, particularly given the losses he's experienced- best to discuss this with his therapist and take it from there.

JessAndTrav

BTW, I agree 100% with Banana on dressing your body not make your body different. As a person is is carrying far too many extra pounds, I've learned to just embrace larger sizes, especially in pants, because I don't like to have the giant roll around my waistline like this:




Instead, I prefer to wear pants that fit somewhat loosely around my waist like this:




Find clothes that fit well and make yourself feel confident in your own skin.

redheadfsu

I ditto go for it. Worry about whether he is good enough for you & not the other way around. Hope he is & GL

RachNRich

Go for it, Shelli! You deserve to be happy, inside and out. I agree with what Banana said, dress for your body now--and everything else will fall in to place. If yu wait until you're truly happy, you could be waiting a long time.

If we all waited to do things until our lives were perfect, nothing would ever get done. And, from the way it seems, Zane is getting to be that age where he will understand. Don't introduce him to Zane right away, but let him know what's going on---I have a feeling he will understand better than you think he will. Kids these days are pretty understanding of what relationships are...perhaps too understanding!

Mrs.B6302007

GO for it, BGB!
We're cheering for ya'!

emisi

I totally agree with everyone else!  I'm also fairly heavy, and FI is, frankly, a skinny guy.  We might look a little odd, but the fact that we love each other is what matters.  He should like you for being you.  Go for it!

katiewhompus

Do it do it!

If he doesn't like you because of your weight then you don't need him in your life anyways, and if dating is a little extra motivations to lose it then more power to it!

mwhitson14

Do it! Do it! Do it!