Wedding Etiquette Forum

Advice Please!

Im in need of some advice regarding my fiances family.  To make a long story short his mother left his father due to drug and alcohol abuse and he had cheated on her.  Since that she has not spoken to him. My fiance also had not spoken to him since he was a child, he just fixed his relationship with his father  back in September.  Now his father is remarrried to the woman who he cheated on my fiance mother with.  My soon to be mother in law does not want her ex husband walking in the wedding with his new wife.  She says its going to be hard seeing that, because she said it reminds her of her wedding day and cant stand to see him walk down the aisle with the woman who caused the separation in the first place.  With that being said, his mother can not help pay for the wedding at all, but his father is helping us with some wedding expenses.  My fiances mother is now saying she wants nothing to do with the wedding if her ex husband walks with his wife.  We have explained to her this is OUR day and its like talking to a wall! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 
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Re: Advice Please!

  • First off.  Let your FI handle the dynamics of his family, try to stay out of it as much as possible.

    Secondaly.  If you are accepting help from the father than he has every right to come to the wedding with his wife.  You have to invite the mother and let her make up her own grown up decision.  Odds are, you'll call her bluff and she'll be there, you just have to let (and make sure FI knows) that there is a chance she may not come.  That would be heartbreaking, but it is a reality. 

    He should contine to talk to his mom about the situation and let her know that he is there for her and always will be.  She probably is feeling jealous of the new relationship that has developed since she's always been there and the dad is just now showing up. 
  • Tell her you're sorry she won't be able to make it, and that you'll miss her.  Call her bluff. 

    Its sad that shes still dwelling on something that happened so long ago, and that she is making YOUR wedding about her former marriage.

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  • Thanks! Im trying to stay out of it as much as possible but its hard to see my FI upset because his mother is like "well I just wont go"..Like seriously how could you tell your son who does everything for you that? and its not really a new relationship its been 10 years! Anyways i have told my FI that she will lose out by not showing up but fingers crossed she will grow up and be there for her son. 
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  • blahblah thats exactly what i was thinking too, our exact words to her were "is this your wedding or ours?"
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  • Sorry, I think your FMIL shoud grow up.

    Her wedding was a long time ago and the marriage didn't work out, no matter who was a fault.

    This is your & your FI's wedding, not a replay from years ago
  • I'm not sure what you mean by "walk down the aisle". In my experience, the father of the G is already seated. Are they going to be seated specially at the ceremony together? 


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  • I think even if the FIL wasn't contributing to the wedding FMIL gets no say in the fact that he does or does not walk down the aisle with his wife. Not his mistress, girlfriend or whatever...it's his wife for crying out loud.
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  • as funny as CMG's idea is, I would advise you not to do anything like that because you don't want his father embarrassed at the wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-please-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8162c28-e272-4431-97cf-34750060da79Post:695c4e2d-bfac-4534-9be5-382809dcb812">Re: Advice Please!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Awwww, shucks.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    well, it was funny but OP seems to be trying to unify rather than divide
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