Wedding Etiquette Forum

How many people are invited to your wedding?

I feel like I'm planning a "small" wedding with only 100 people in mind since my family is HUGE, but I feel like I could get away with inviting less people, including those people I'm not particularly close with if the norm for a smaller wedding is less than that.

So is it? Should I be shooting for more like 75 people? I know it's up to me and blah blah blah but what would you consider a small wedding?
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Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?

  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited October 2010
    There really is no norm. I thought mine was on the "smaller" side with our 200-250 estimate since my friends invite 300-600 people. However, I've found that not to be the case after talking with people in my current town and on here. I don't think it really matters how you define it. You should just invite the amount that you feel comfortable inviting.

    ETA: 250 is definitely on the high side of our estimate. I will be happy if we can bring it to under 200.
  • With my friends, small is around 75.  Average is around 100-120.  We're inviting around 150.  We were hoping to invite 120, but FI has a large family, and I have a lot of friends so we increased the number.
  • I had what you might consider a small wedding. We had 15 people.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:1648da14-6828-43e9-917c-4fa664742bb3">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know yet. If I invited every relative I've spoke to in the last 6months-a year, I'd have more than a hundred without my SOs help. Why does it matter if it's a small or medium wedding in regards to terminology?  Do what you can afford.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't know. I guess I'm still in the very beginning stages of planning this wedding and I feel nervous and scared that people are going to be like "She could afford to invite a friend she's only known for a year but she can't invite all 8 of my children?" and I'm going to be like "Ahh! It's a small wedding!" and they're going to be like "100 people is not small!"</div><div>
    </div><div>But then again, how would they know how many people I invited? Sheesh, I've had too much coffee in the past hour and I'm getting a little crazy.</div>
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  • We're inviting 80 (including curtesy invites) and expecting 30 :)
  • Who cares what people say?  I will never understand that.  Invite who you want.

    I plan to invite more friends than family because that is how they rank in my heart.  My best friends?  yes!  My aunt or uncle that I haven't seen in forever?  No, thank you.


    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:d15dfed5-b3fe-4851-bcdd-86d521f65173">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We're inviting 80 (including curtesy invites) and expecting 30 :)
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    <div>*shakes head*</div>
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  • We're inviting 70, but I think the totals will end up looking like 60.  My sister's wedding was 110.  Her hubby's family was much bigger.
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  • OP, if you're worried about how people might define "small" in the scenario you described, then perhaps you could say you aren't inviting xyz due to budget reasons. No one can argue that 1 friend is a lot cheaper than 8 children.
  • We invited a TON of OOT people and we invited all singles to bring a date. With a 100% acceptance rate, including plus ones, we would have had 135, which was way bigger than I imagined. We ended up with 67 (including 2 babies) which is much more in line with what I was imagining.

    In my family, 250+ is the norm, so I feel ya.
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  • I don't think there is a magic number. We started with 75. See siggy for updated numbers. It all depends on who you deem important to be there on the day you get married, whether that is 2 or 250. 
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  • We invited around 65 and are expecting around 50. I would think most ppl I know would consider that to be a small wedding but it feels large to me. I originally wanted around 20 ppl. I loaaaaaathe being the center of attention, it makes me super nervous. I can't imagine walking down the aisle with 200+ ppl watching.
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  • I just don't KNOW 200 people.  That is more than my graduating class in high school.

    that is beyond smokey's imagination limits.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • As it currently stands, we will be inviting about 30 guests; potentially a few more depending on what mom comes up with.  However, we will definitely not have more than 50.  Close friends and family only.  I consider this small-medium.  I personally would prefer to only have about a dozen guests, but that just isnt' possible.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:35ca2c92-21cc-400d-94e0-36264b94e043">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who cares what people say?  I will never understand that.  Invite who you want. I plan to invite more friends than family because that is how they rank in my heart.  My best friends?  yes!  My aunt or uncle that I haven't seen in forever?  No, thank you.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    <div>The only opinions I care about are the family opinions, because hey, I'm marrying that family too, but you're right, it's not like they're going to kick me out of the family for not inviting great-aunt Marge.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, we're still trying to nail down a reception site since we think a reception would be too much for my poor FI's grandparents' house. I feel like if we only invited 75 people, we could do dinner and drinks at a restaurant (where I wouldn't have to worry about decorations, or set up or cleaning up, or anything else that comes with having your own site) for under 5k.</div><div>
    </div><div>Or am I crazy?</div>
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  • We invited 260.  It looks like the guest list will be about 140.  We had a lot of out of town, out of country invitations sent.  I always wanted a small wedding, but FI's family is huge.  Over 40 of our accepted guests are his family (I think we invited a total of 80 of FI's family).
  • I consider ours small and intimate- 30 invites...although, most if not all will come. This is a second wedding for both FI and I and we are doing this one our way.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:285a4f0d-9bfb-4047-a8d4-910b38bb32d7">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How many people are invited to your wedding? : I don't know. I guess I'm still in the very beginning stages of planning this wedding and I feel nervous and scared that people are going to be like "She could afford to invite a friend she's only known for a year but she can't invite all 8 of my children?" and I'm going to be like "Ahh! It's a small wedding!" and they're going to be like "100 people is not small!" But then again, how would they know how many people I invited? Sheesh, I've had too much coffee in the past hour and I'm getting a little crazy.
    Posted by lizarellie[/QUOTE]

    Lol, calm down, step away from the caffeine and take a deep breath.
    If you waste too much of your energy worrying about what people think of your wedding, you are going to have a very long, emotional, stressful engagement.
    Anyone rude enough to speak up and say something like that to you does not deserve a courteous answer. 
    Tell her it's because her kids smell funny and she dresses them weird.
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  • If they aren't close enough to me to be invited, then they aren't really close enough to be mad.

    ::shrugs::

    Maybe it's because I am older.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:92f0f9ed-7df1-4c47-8d9b-a53ad64dc500">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How many people are invited to your wedding? : Lol, calm down, step away from the caffeine and take a deep breath. If you waste too much of your energy worrying about what people think of your wedding, you are going to have a very long, emotional, stressful engagement. Anyone rude enough to speak up and say something like that to you does not deserve a courteous answer.  Tell her it's because her kids smell funny and she dresses them weird.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha, thanks. I just polished off the rest of that pot of coffee, but I'm done for the night.</div><div>
    </div><div>And those kids do dress weird and smell funny. Seriously though, the "8 kids" I mentioned are the children of my aunt and uncle. I've spoken to ONE of them in the past five years, and I've never even met three of them. I feel like this is my fault though because I moved out of state, and they're still close with my siblings and parents. Wahh wahhhh.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:37f954e1-bd97-463f-ba01-8512451c7e23">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they aren't close enough to me to be invited, then they aren't really close enough to be mad. ::shrugs:: Maybe it's because I am older.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha, it's not really the people I'm not inviting that I'm worried about, because hey, I don't know them and they don't know me. It's more of his close family that are close to the people I'm not inviting. They would feel like I am telling them their family isn't good enough to invite. It's just going to be a very delicate situation that I'm gonna have to put my big girl panties on to deal with.</div>
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  • It depends how your family rolls. It wouldn't fly for me NOT to invite my aunt or my cousin, because they are the only members of my dad's family. Except all his cousins, and that would just be a zoo. But he would be REALLY hurt if I didn't invite his sister, his neice and his great-nephew. Even though I saw my cousin and her son last year for the first time in a decade.

    You can also do circles, so like, stop at first cousins. No second cousins or anything. I'm not sure if that would work for you.
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  • We had 31 people at our wedding 2 weeks ago and it was perfect.  Our rule of thumb ended up being if we can't call the person up on any given night and ask them out to dinner or coffee, without it being awkward, then we aren't close enough with the to need them at our wedding.
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  • We invited 76 and 68 are attending.  We didn't start with a number; we started our list with all the people that were really important to us, and worked from there.  We're older and this is both of our second marriages, so we didn't feel the pressure to invite people for appearance sake.   (i.e the dear old great aunt whom the FI has never met).  Sometimes sizes (or number invited) doesnt matter.
  • You can't please -or invite - everyone :)  Do what is in your budget and try your best to include those closest to you and your FI.

    We invited 206, Had 180.  My family is huge, so there wasn't really a way around it.  Fortunately Kev's family is tiny, otherwise we would have been in trouble!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:46e0ef7f-6d6c-49d1-bc7f-42d034a84c00">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It depends how your family rolls. It wouldn't fly for me NOT to invite my aunt or my cousin, because they are the only members of my dad's family. Except all his cousins, and that would just be a zoo. But he would be REALLY hurt if I didn't invite his sister, his neice and his great-nephew. Even though I saw my cousin and her son last year for the first time in a decade. You can also do circles, so like, stop at first cousins. No second cousins or anything. I'm not sure if that would work for you.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    you're a better woman than I.  None of my mother's 3 brothers are invited.  I may invite her sister is she twists my arm, but I am not inviting any of my cousins either.  They haven't bothered to be a part of my life up to now so why should they get to be invited to our wedding?

    Oh, and they wouldn't come to my funeral either so it all works out.
    Bi-oh-rama
    Now with more wedded bliss.


    I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.

    image

    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:d4646b47-232d-4971-8b8b-70d9e66034c6">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How many people are invited to your wedding? : you're a better woman than I.  None of my mother's 3 brothers are invited.  I may invite her sister is she twists my arm, but I am not inviting any of my cousins either.  They haven't bothered to be a part of my life up to now so why should they get to be invited to our wedding? Oh, and they wouldn't come to my funeral either so it all works out.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    Oh, I don't mind. I quite like my aunt and my cousin, so I never questioned inviting them. When I was younger, my grandmother would take me to Utah to visit my aunt and uncle. So yeah - I grew up in NY and they live in Utah. And now my cousin lives in Missouri and I live in CA. It's not that I don't want to see them, you know?

    But for sure I can picture having family you DON'T want to invite, for whatever reason.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_many-people-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8660666-73a1-46fc-a481-8578f53447e5Post:ff8b83eb-122b-4dd2-aa62-d57ef7310898">Re: How many people are invited to your wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can't please -or invite - everyone :)  Do what is in your budget and try your best to include those closest to you and your FI. We invited 206, Had 180.  My family is huge, so there wasn't really a way around it.  Fortunately Kev's family is tiny, otherwise we would have been in trouble!
    Posted by jesibel14[/QUOTE]

    This was like my parents' wedding. They had 186 people and my dad joked than 5 of them were my mom's family members. My dad has over 40 first cousins and 11 sets of aunts and uncles.
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  • Scott's list was about 140, mine was 19.  We ended up with 125.  If I had to venture a guess I would say about 80 will show.

     I would consider 50 or less a small wedding, but it really depends on what you think.
  • I invited a whopping... are you ready for this?

    15 people!
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