Shower invites

triciaholden1987

Hi knotties,

I am having a little bit of trouble with this and am hoping for your advice.  My amazing MOH is asking for an invite list for my shower.  

A little background.  I currently live 12 hours away from my extended family, and only see them once a year, max.  I am inviting all of my FI's family, mainly because I am close with them and the shower is only 30 minutes from them.  

My question:  do I invite my extended family as an olive branch, (I am thinking of you, would love for you to be able to come), or would that be rubbing salt in the wound?  I am at a loss here, as I want to tread lightly.  I would obviously rather them come to the wedding over the shower.  Part of me is thinking to send them an invite, but the other part of me is concerned that they will get the invite and think, huh, she wants a gift.  And that's not where my heart is at! 

Yes, I overthink everything, but my family, whether close or not, is important to me.  So, what are your thoughts?  What would you do?

Jen4948

I don't think it would be "rubbing salt in the wound" to invite your extended family to a shower, but I do think it's unlikely that they would accept, much less send you a gift.  I'd be prepared for that.

jmeln38

I am having the same problem-sort of. My shower will be close to me, but my question is this: do I send an invitation to my fiance's step brothers' wife/fiance? I've never met either girl or step brother for that matter, and they live in Texas, and I'm in California.  Again, do I invite them just to be polite, even though I don't expect them to come. But I also don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift or even think that that is the reason I'm inviting them. 

Kristin789

Original Poster:  Why are you thinking that your own family would not bundle everyone up and come to the shower in one or two cars, or fly in?  Why are you thinking that they'd have to choose to come to the shower OR to the wedding?  In my area, the family goes to the shower.  Absolutely.  People in my department at work have taken off to fly up for ALL THREE SHOWERS given for their son or their nephew or their godchild, etc.  And I'm talking from Tampa to Baltimore and from Tampa to Vermont.  I would think that you absolutely should invte your family to the shower, and I woud think that they would absolutely come.

To JMein38:  The shower is supposed to be for your very closest friends and family.  You've never met your FI's stepbrother and his wife, so they are not included in an event for the very closest friends and family.

[Deleted User]

Can you maybe talk to them about it? I know my mom and sister/MOH are calling a couple of further away family members to ask them. That way they know the invite is from the heart, not from a gift grabbing place, but they also have the ability to say "no way I could make it, but thanks for thinking of me" ahead of time, saving them the feeling the should send a gift and you the need to send an invite

Also, Kristin, it's great that you know people who can do that but a lot of people can't spend that much money and time away from work. I know a lot of my family can't. They don't love me less but they have too many other constraints on them. So... I do think it's a valid concern on OPs part.

triciaholden1987

Talking to them is a good idea.  @Kristin:  They live far away, and I would never expect them to drive 12 hours for a 2-3 hour shower.  That seems silly.  I love my family so much, but I would never make them feel obligated for something as small as a shower; but that's just me!