What are the different kinds of showers

runpipparun

My friend's parents have offered to throw me or us a bridal or couple's shower.

This begs the question: what exactly is a couples shower? Heck, what is a bridal shower? What are you supposed to register for at a bridal shower that's different from your wedding registry? What would we register for at a couple's shower that wouldn't go on the wedding registry? Or are couple's showers just tacky?

I've already done the thing where my friends have had bridal showers, wedding showers, engagement showers, couples showers, honeymoon showers, and other kinds of wedding-related showers, and I've shown up with a gift for each one, like a stooge. I don't get it except that it seems greedy to have multiple showers. I want to avoid the appearance of greed. HELP. What kind of shower is okay? I want ONE and DONE.

rsaleh84

If you only want one, I think your best choice, if someone offers, is to have a brida shower.  This, in my experience, seems to be the most traditional and most accepted.  If someone else offers to throw you a different shower on top of your bridal shower, you don't have to accept.  You can thank them for their kindness and find out from the bridal shower host if they can help with your bridal shower instead.

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-are-the-different-kinds-of-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8fd800a-95cf-4ac7-bbc1-3b688bcd77bcPost:33467e39-54ea-4633-bcb7-89cf53d636c3">Re: What are the different kinds of showers</a>:
[QUOTE]A bridal shower is typically women only (those invited to the wedding) and you receive gifts off your wedding registry. Sometimes people play games and other times its just chit chat. A couples shower is essentially the same thing, but its co-ed. having more than one shower isn't greedy if the guest list doesn't overlap. I had two, one for my side of the family and one for H's. The only other shower I've heard of is a lingerie one. I've heard of a engagement party but they're not gift giving events.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What I meant by "greedy" is having an "bridal shower" with a registry, a "wedding shower" with a registry, etc, and inviting the same people. Like I said, I've been invited to three different parties for the same bride with 3 separate registries. (At the same time, I also got invited via Facebook to a "housewarming" party for a skeezy guy I know who finally got evicted from a house he'd been squatting in for YEARS, and he had the balls to register at BB&B as "Steve &   's Wedding Registry!" I have some strange friends.)

</div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-are-the-different-kinds-of-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f8fd800a-95cf-4ac7-bbc1-3b688bcd77bcPost:9bd44aa9-f6bc-4cd1-9339-bf1ef175f0d0">What are the different kinds of showers</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend's parents have offered to throw me or us a bridal or couple's shower. This begs the question: what exactly is a couples shower? Heck, what is a bridal shower? What are you supposed to register for at a bridal shower that's different from your wedding registry? What would we register for at a couple's shower that wouldn't go on the wedding registry? Or are couple's showers just tacky? I've already done the thing where my friends have had bridal showers, wedding showers, engagement showers, couples showers, honeymoon showers, and other kinds of wedding-related showers, and I've shown up with a gift for each one, like a stooge. I don't get it except that it seems greedy to have multiple showers. I want to avoid the appearance of greed. HELP. What kind of shower is okay? I want ONE and DONE.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

couples shower vs bridal shower is really just co-ed vs all girls.  otherwise they're the same, like PPs said.

The registry for any/all events is the same.  It should include items you, as a couple, want to start your new life together.  kitchen/bath things are widely accepted.  Stuff for hobbies you enjoy together (like camping) are usually also accepted.  Stuff that's just for one of you or for neither of you (like jewelry, baby clothes, pet food) is frowned upon.

What's tacky, in the shower realm, is an event where you're blatantly requesting money.  A honeymoon shower sounds like it's asking for money towards the honeymoon so that's a no (likewise a honeymoon registry is equally tacky).  A 'gift card shower' is a no.  A Jack and Jill or money tree or any other money-focused events are nos.

And, as PP said, inviting people to multiple showers is when it gets greedy.  Your mom and MIL should be invited to all showers, and maybe your BMs, but thats where the overlap should end.  Inviting someone to an engagement party, shower, and bachelorette, however, is okay b/c the shower is the only gift-giving event.  I had two showers, but our moms were the only overlap on the guest lists.

runpipparun

Okay, that's super helpful. Thanks!

gailpete

I have never heard of a wedding shower as being any different from a bridal shower. 

As PPs have said, different people may offer to give you a shower and you are free to accept , if you want.  However, the only overlap in guests are generally the MOB, MOG and the bridesmaids and maid of honor.  If someone is invited to more than one shower, they are not obligated to attend and they only need to bring a gift to one shower.

Sorry to say, it sounds like you have a greedy friend.

DramaGeek

In my circle there are bridal and wedding showers (the same) and couple's showers (same as bridal/wedding shower except that it includes men).  No men show up to the couple's showers.  We were thrown one and the only man there was my FIL - H didn't even come (he had to work).

I have never known people to do separate registeries.  In our crowd, you register and that is what is used for any and all showers, as well as the wedding.