How do you deal with uninvited guest?

beckys67

I am really getting upset that people don't have manners. Who ask why they were not invited to a wedding? I have explained that we only invited the amount that could fit in the place and yes it was hard to finalize the cut. They still get offended and in one case I told them they could come. Their next response "can we bring kids?"  We both have very big families and there is no way we could have ever invited all of them. We did invite a few friends but mostly it's family. Is there any other way to handle this? 

Milsey32

Agree with PP -- stand your ground! 

Avion22

Agree.  If you don't have room, then they can't come.  You're right, it's extremely poor manners for them to even ASK you why they weren't invited!

A good response is "Due to budget and space limitations, we were unable to invite eveyrone that we wanted there.  But we would love to have you over for dinner after we get back from the honeymoon!"

Habs2Hart

wow - So they pestered you about not being invited, you said you didn't have space but let them come anyway and then they asked if they could bring kids on top of that?  What is wrong with people.  When did politeness go out the window? 

mctlong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9d98f69-a1d0-4eaf-bf5f-be7ab32e76e8Post:2781b977-bdee-4aa3-b9c4-3454f5690978">Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree.  If you don't have room, then they can't come.  You're right, <strong>it's extremely poor manners for them to even ASK you why they weren't invited! </strong>A good response is "Due to budget and space limitations, we were unable to invite eveyrone that we wanted there.  But we would love to have you over for dinner after we get back from the honeymoon!"
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

I disagree that it was poor manners to ask why they were not ivitied. Its an honest, direct question that gives you the opprotunity to explain your reasoning (i.e. not enough space), rather than them assuming a reason (i.e. you forgot about them, you don't like them, etc).

Your reasoning for leaving people off the guest list is valid. People should not be inviting themselves to your wedding. I agree with the other posts, stand firm.

LDYGTR13

"you weren't invited b/c we don't like you and you smell" worked for me.

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9d98f69-a1d0-4eaf-bf5f-be7ab32e76e8Post:0cf00d82-2a64-42f8-b200-18f1abfc5ba3">Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]"you weren't invited b/c we don't like you and you smell" worked for me.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I went with the "I think your look would ruin the ambiance of the wedding, so we left you out.  Sorry." route.

SirJuliusVonHaast

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9d98f69-a1d0-4eaf-bf5f-be7ab32e76e8Post:a8bbfc9c-65e0-4ce9-a427-91deecb9ec4c">Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest? : I disagree that it was poor manners to ask why they were not ivitied. Its an honest, direct question that gives you the opprotunity to explain your reasoning (i.e. not enough space), rather than them assuming a reason (i.e. you forgot about them, you don't like them, etc). Your reasoning for leaving people off the guest list is valid. People should not be inviting themselves to your wedding. I agree with the other posts, stand firm.
Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]

<div>You can disagree, but you are wrong. It is poor manners. It is the choice of the bride and groom (and sometimes their immediate families) who to invite to the wedding. They don't really need a "valid" reason to not invite someone. </div>

XxKrazy4u

i agree with the PP...it is rude. they dont have  a right to invite themselves..you are paying for it. Id say..im sorry but we had to budget. if you want to pay for yourself then you can come.

HAHAH!

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_deal-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f9d98f69-a1d0-4eaf-bf5f-be7ab32e76e8Post:a8bbfc9c-65e0-4ce9-a427-91deecb9ec4c">Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you deal with uninvited guest? : I disagree that it was poor manners to ask why they were not ivitied. Its an honest, direct question that gives you the opprotunity to explain your reasoning (i.e. not enough space), rather than them assuming a reason (i.e. you forgot about them, you don't like them, etc). Your reasoning for leaving people off the guest list is valid. People should not be inviting themselves to your wedding. I agree with the other posts, stand firm.
Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]

<div>The only time I can see this not being rude is when an immediate family member asks  why they weren't invited.  In that case, there's probably some other family drama going on, and manners may not be a high priority.</div>

NOLAbridealmost

It is ABSOLUTELY rude to ask why you are not invited to a wedding.  Things that are rude = things that make people feel uncomfortable.  And I am sure that OP felt incredibly uncomfortable during that awkward encounter. 

beckys67

Thanks everyone for your input. The sarcasm gave me a much needed laugh. My wedding is 16 days away and my tolerance for ignorance is not very high right now.