Hey all - I could use some advice on the proper etiquette for our situation. Neither FI nor I know anyone who's situation has been similar to ours, and we just want to make sure that we're doing right by our guests.
FI and I are from different parts of the country (I'm from Maine and he's from Illinois). I moved to IL over a year ago, and we currently live in his hometown, but pretty much all of my family and friends are back in New England. Because his parents are quite a bit older and his dad's health isn't great, we chose to get married in IL, near St. Louis, so they could be there (also, most of his family and friends are here in IL). We are also planning to have a casual reception back in Maine a month or so after the wedding (we are thinking of doing a brief vow renewal ceremony at our Maine reception too, but it's not set in stone yet).
Right now, our guest list for the actual wedding (in IL) includes all of his family and friends that he wants to invite, my family and my closest friends. Our guest list for the ME reception right now is my family, my closest friends, and about 35 of my family and old work friends (plus their kids) that are not on the actual wedding guest list currently. We've also told a couple of FI's best friends that we'd love to have them come to Maine for the party, and are thinking about extending the same invitation to his closest family and friends, but...we're a little confused right now about who to invite to what.
So, here are my questions:
- do we make one guest list and send invitations to everyone for both events?
- or, is it ok to make two guest lists (one for each event), and invite the people closest to us to both?
- and, in a slightly separate vein, at my last job before I moved to IL, I worked on a fairly large team (about 20 people). While some are still on that team, many of those people have since moved into other departments or left the company. Most of them still keep in touch with each other. At this point, I've only included the ones with whom I spent time with outside of work and still keep in touch with. Do I need to invite everyone that was on our team when I was there to be fair? It's only a few extra people, but it's been over a year since I worked there.
Our biggest hang-up in all of this are asking people to shell out a lot of money for travel expenses (especially if they have kids), NOT whether or not we want to celebrate with them. We have not sent out any save the dates or put out a website yet (we just got engaged over the holidays). We just want to make sure that we do the right thing by everyone so that no one's offended or hurt. Sorry for the lengthy post, and thanks for any help you all can offer!