Still send an invitation?

Sassenach1743 · February 2013

Hi ladies,

Yesterday I posted a vent on the Chit Chat board about an email I received from a girlfriend of mine after receiving a Save the Date for my wedding. Basically she wrote me a really passive aggressive message telling me that she didn't think she'd be able to attend my wedding because she had too many things going on in her life at that time and also that she thought we were too far out of touch (since July) that she just didn't know where to begin again... Essentially she was un-friending me (for the second time in about 2 and half years) by telling me that because we don't see each other or talk enough to satisfy her that she didn't really consider us friends anymore, but good luck to me, etc.

So now I am wondering if I still should send her an invitation. Honestly, I really don't want to. Although I completely understand the rules of etiquette when it comes to STD and invitation protocol. But my question in this situation is, after what she wrote wouldn't sending an invitation be moot at this point?

Plus, I don't want to keep reaching out to her because I don't care to keep getting brushed off and treated like I'm a bad friend. Nor do I want to come off as gift grabby.

What do you think I should do?

If you're interested in the whole story, here is a link to my original vent post. It's super long though, so if you can give an opinion based on what I've already mentioned in this post then you can save yourself the time of reading the original vent.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_super-long-vent-1

Thanks in advance for your input.

rintin10 · February 2013

I read your other post, and this one. Do not send her an invite. She clearly says she can't come to the wedding but she wishes you the best, so save yourself the postage and invite. She obviously got the STD and doesn't want to come so she wrote you that "sweeeet message" saying she's busy and can't come. Psh, forget her. Send the invite to someone else who actually wants to attend your wedding. You do not need people like that in your life OR at your wedding.

McRogol · February 2013

I read your comment on the post I wrote very similar to yours, and I read the link you put above. For me, I feel like not sending the invite after having sent the STD will give her room to speak badly of me to our mutual friends - as insanely childish it is to even care, there is a part of me that does. My friend is a petty gal, and I don't want to feed into her negativity. So, sending the invite and letting it lie. She has yet to actually RSVP to any of our friends' weddings and attended all of those saying, "I told them in person I was attending." I have no doubt that I won't here from her.

So I guess my point is...Do what feels right to you. In the end, it'll most likely be just a blip on the radar...you sent a STD and an invite, and she declines.

Good luck to you!

mlg78 · February 2013

I wouldn't send one. She basically already said she has no interest in going or being friends. In this situation, I think you're fine breaking etiquette.

Jen4948 · February 2013

I wouldn't bother. I know that etiquette says that if you've sent an STD you need to follow up with an invitation, but she's made it clear that she doesn't appreciate any approach from you and wouldn't come no matter what. So I'd invite someone else who makes you feel appreciated instead of her.