WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!

RWS2011

Made ya look!

Seriously, though, I do have a question for you ladies of honest opinion.

FI and I have a ways to go before the wedding, so we are still just tossing ideas around.  We find receiving and giving speeches awkward.  Neither of us like public speaking and we have both heard speeches where you wished the power would have just cut out.  

Our solution/idea is that the venue has a digital video projection screen that we could use for a slide show.  Instead of just having photos, we thought we could add slides expressing our thanks to our guest and family who may have contributed to the day.

If that is all fine and well, could we ask our bridal party if they are interested in adding a few thoughts, or a favorite quote or poem passage in lieu of giving a speech.  To be clear we don't EXPECT them to either give a speech or contribute to the slide show.  

I am just wondering if this seems like a fun idea, or better in thought that in action?  Thanks for your opinions, and sorry to lure you in under false pretenses... but not that sorry.  

chanelnjustin

I like this idea! 

and people on here can be mean, you were right the first time.

montanabounding

That made me laugh.

I think that it would be fun - my BFF did something like that for her wedding. They might have had a small toast or two, but they did a great slideshow after dinner, while cake was being served. Those who are better versed in etiquette might have other opinions, but I personally think that it's a sweet idea. I don't know of any "YOU MUST HAVE SPEECH!' rule.

(If all else fails, read the lyrics of "Never Gonna Give You Up"... although I don't know if that's polite. Funny, though, absolutely...)

ThankfulSnail

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:5c52e09d-ef6a-4668-95f8-36e02333e07c">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Usually the bride and groom don't give speeches at the reception. Generally, it's the FOB if he hosted, the best man and the maid of honor.  You should personally thank your guests for attending either by having a receiving line or doing table visits. <strong>A digital "thanks for coming" is not really sufficient. </strong>
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. It's not necessary to give a thank you speech, but it is necessary to personally greet and thank each guest for coming.<div>
</div><div>I feel like if you let your WP know you don't want a toast, a slideshow could be something they plan <em>for</em> you, but asking them to contribute to a slideshow in your honor seems the same as asking them to give a toast. I would just let them know you don't want toasts and let it be.</div><div>
</div><div>I also find slideshows at weddings to be pretty painful and overly long most of the time, so I would just skip it altogether.</div>

RWS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:5c52e09d-ef6a-4668-95f8-36e02333e07c">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Usually the bride and groom don't give speeches at the reception. Generally, it's the FOB if he hosted, the best man and the maid of honor.  You should personally thank your guests for attending either by having a receiving line or doing table visits. A digital "thanks for coming" is not really sufficient. 
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

<div>I did not mean the slide show would replace talking to our guests one on one or in small groups and thanking them.  We are not <em>that </em>socially inept.  :)</div><div>
</div><div>Usually at weddings I have been to, the bride and/or groom thanks everyone and then their parents or aunt or other close family member or friend who helped.  We don't want to do the big speech part, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves.  So, are you saying that the bride and groom don't usually give a speech, in your experience?  </div>

RWS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:ad23cbea-fe4e-471f-9055-294747452ad5">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?! : I agree with this. It's not necessary to give a thank you speech, but it is necessary to personally greet and thank each guest for coming. I feel like if you let your WP know you don't want a toast, a slideshow could be something they plan for  you, but asking them to contribute to a slideshow in your honor seems the same as asking them to give a toast. I would just let them know you don't want toasts and let it be. <strong>I also find slideshows at weddings to be pretty painful and overly long most of the time, so I would just skip it altogether.</strong>
Posted by ThankfulSnail[/QUOTE]

<div>I hear you.  Would you feel the same if it was more of a background thing while you enjoyed cocktails, appetizers and wine, while mingling (more of something in the background) than an "event" you had to pay attention to for the whole thing after dinner?</div>

DramaGeek

In my world, the B&G always do a short "thank you" speech.  As you mentioned, this is not in lieu of a receiving line or table visits, but in addition to.  The speech is done during the toasts and cake cutting time, which is always after dinner.  For that reason alone I feel like the slide show could be kind of odd, just because the timing seems strange.  It'd be weird to me if we had the toasts, then a slideshow, then the cake cutting.  Everyone I know who did a slideshow did it before the ceremony.

Avion22

I've seen the bride and groom do a thank-you speech like the one you've described. My two cents:  if there are people who you really want to thank publicly at your reception, then you really owe it to them to get over your fear of public speaking, grab the microphone, and do it "live."    Making a pre-recorded thank-you just doesn't carry as much weight -- it's like you couldn't be bothered to take a stab at something you dislike, even to thank someone who deserved it.  

Loopyseven

In my world, the B&G do not usually say anything at the wedding (besides the aforementioned table visits/receiving line).

I don't mind slide shows as background, but I get bored usually before they go all the way through so I wouldn't want one spotlighted.

RWS2011

Avion, maybe that is why I have seen the speeches before, because family had made some significant contribution to the couple, or provided some support at a critical time.  Since we are not having a huge wedding and paying for it ourselves, there isn't much to say other than thank you for encouraging us as a couple and for celebrating this day with us.  We could do that as we mingle with our guests.  <div>
</div><div>For us, if we had something really meaningful to say to anyone, it would be better said in private.  Then, we would be able to better express our sentiments without it seeming forced.  </div><div>
</div><div>The slide show was just meant to be a fun background piece.  However, we might not end up doing it.  We'll have to see how the rest our the day unfolds as we plan and see if it "fits." </div><div>
</div><div>ETA:</div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:549559bd-7396-4511-a562-bc72f9bf84dd">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In my world, the B&G do not usually say anything at the wedding (besides the aforementioned table visits/receiving line). <strong>I don't mind slide shows as background</strong>, but I get bored usually before they go all the way through so I wouldn't want one spotlighted.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div></div><div>That was exactly what we had in mind!  :)</div>

DramaGeek

Depending on how your venue is set up, if you wanted to do the slideshow maybe it could be off to the side, just running on a loop so people can stop and look when they want to, and for as long as they want?

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:24119476-420e-4beb-a948-a42846460a34">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Avion, maybe that is why I have seen the speeches before, because family had made some significant contribution to the couple, or provided some support at a critical time. <strong> Since we are not having a huge wedding and paying for it ourselves, there isn't much to say other than thank you for encouraging us as a couple and for celebrating this day with us.  We could do that as we mingle with our guests.   For us, if we had something really meaningful to say to anyone, it would be better said in private. </strong> Then, we would be able to better express our sentiments without it seeming forced.   The slide show was just meant to be a fun background piece.  However, we might not end up doing it.  We'll have to see how the rest our the day unfolds as we plan and see if it "fits."  ETA: In Response to  Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?! : That was exactly what we had in mind!  :)
Posted by RWS2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Then there's your answer:-)   A slideshow as a background piece sounds fine though, and a generic slide that says "Thanks to everyone for your love and support!" is fine (like you said, not to replace table visits or greeting people in person).    </div>

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-you-all-so-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fa7ff563-49f9-4731-ab5a-62ce37bffabaPost:549559bd-7396-4511-a562-bc72f9bf84dd">Re: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In my world, the B&G do not usually say anything at the wedding (besides the aforementioned table visits/receiving line). I don't mind slide shows as background, but I get bored usually before they go all the way through so I wouldn't want one spotlighted.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this exactly.  As long as the slideshow is playing in the background I think it's nice.  Our venue did one on the tv screens they have in the lobby so people saw it during cocktail hour and if they went out in the hall at all.  I hate when people stop the reception and make everyone sit and watch it for half an hour because it's such an AW thing to me when you're already at the center of attention.  </div><div>
</div><div>Personally I think the "thank you" slide is unnecessary if you are doing table visits already, but it's fine if you want to do it anyways.</div>

mica178

I think of slideshows as more of a rehearsal dinner thing.  And if the slideshow is going to be in the background, what's the point of putting in a thank you?  No one is going to be listening.

OwningAHome1981

I don't think the bride and groom generally speak at their own wedding. I agree it's usually father of the bride, best man and maid of honor. I love the photo idea but you can also use the programs at the ceremony to thank specific people (parents, bridal party etc etc) and just write the thank yous in there- I have seen that and it's a nice gesture.

Then you can also do table visits as well.

mkrupar

I don't know if you're having a rehearsal meal, where those people you would want to thank more personally would be in attendance, but in my circle, that's usually where those thanks yous are said. I've never seen a bride & groom give a toast/speech, nor have I ever seen the FOB give a toast. It's always been MOH & BM at the wedding.