Maid of Honor Issues

bearcatchick

So originally when I chose my maid of honor she was super exctied about it and kept telling me how she wanted to help with everything. Now that it is actually only a month out from the wedding I can't even get her to return a text message. She's been incredibly annoying lately and it all started when we went to try on bridesmaids dresses. She has put on some weight recently which I couldn't care less about obviously because she's my best friend so she wasn't sure which size to get. She grabbed a dress in the size she used to wear and it was blatantly obvious to all of us that it was to small. She is rather large chested and they were literally spilling out of her dress. I asked if she wanted to try the next size up just to see how it looked which is one size bigger than my size. She tried it on and it looked great. Covered up all of her cleavage and looked really pretty. She said she'd come back and order it another day because she didn't have the money right then. A few months later her dress comes in and she bought the smaller size. She sent me a pic and my fiance, bridesmaids and I were horrified at how much cleavage she had hanging out. This would be a simple solution if she would just get it altered a little but she refuses to do so and says she can't afford it. I've offered to pay. How do I tell her that she is going to have to do something about this in a nice way? One of my other bridesmaids who strongly dislikes my MOH said if I don't say something she will and my fiance does not want her looking like pam anderson in our wedding. On top of that I told her that my sister and one of the bridesmaids are doing all the hair and makeup for everyone for the wedding...for free. She is refusing to let anyone do her makeup as she does not wear any on a daily basis. Should I tell her to suck it up its happening? Last year when she got married she made us get our hair done by one of her friends and then afterwards told us "oh by the way you owe her 20 bucks".  Not sure what to do with her and I have 30 days left till the wedding.

lyndausvi

Do you have a 'return' key?

Sorry to be mean, but I just can't read that wall of text.

banana468

Let it go.

Regarding the dress, if she's spilling out of it and refuses to get it fixed, it's her issue.   Do you want to risk ending the friendship permanently by telling her that she's not allowed to be in your wedding in the chosen attire?   I agree that if she's wearing a dress a size too small it's a problem but she doesn't sound open to the altering even if that's the smart idea.    It's going to fall on her shoulders and she's probably feeling rather upset at any weight she gained.   As someone who put on weight after getting married and has not lost all her pregnancy weight even though my child is almost 2, it's not a fun place to be.    That said, she's foolish for letting a number dictate her attire.

Let the hair and makeup go.   If she doesn't want to wear makeup or have her hair done, don't push it.

She sounds like a bit of a pill but these aren't huge issues.

HockeyFan4

It does read like someone who needs to stop and take a breath. 

The Dress
She is probably self concious that she put on weight.  You might not care, but she probably does.  As stupid as it was, she probably ordered the smaller dress in hopes of losing the weight she gained so it would fit.  Remember, ultimately the way she looks will reflect on her, not you and your FI.  If you are getting married in a church, then it might be a bit different, and you could use that as your excuse as to why she needs some alterations, and during that conversation tell her you are paying for them,

The Hair and Makeup
She doesn't wear makeup, you can't force her to!  Let it go.  Just because she did a crappy thing, by making you pay (and after the fact) doesn't give you the right to be a jerky friend.

Loopyseven

Lynda - CN - MOH ordered her dress too small and looks like a tramp with her ta-tas falling out, and refuses to wear make up, even though it is free cause she doesn't normally..

OP - Can you add a jacket/scarf/shawl/something to the dress/outfit - for everyone - that would cover the cleavage?  At the end of the day, she's the one who will look hoochie, and there's not much you can do about that if she wants to make that choice.  Talk to your photographer, he may be able to pose her in ways to minimize the cleavage showing up in photographs.  And really - I have four or 5 pictures of the WP in our album, and two framed pictures of H and I out around our house from the wedding.  It's unlikely to be an issue beyond her not looking her best on the day of your wedding.

As for the make up - if she doesn't want to wear it, I say don't make her.  We tell people all the time it's rude to ask a friend to cover a tattoo, as it's part of their personality and who they are and they are not just photo props for your wedding. I'd put forcing someone to wear make up who doesn't normally into the same category.  Will you all be together while the make up is getting done?  Maybe while everyone is having fun with it and stuff you can try to get her to try some foundation/tinted moisturiser and mascara or something - super simple.  Don't be too pushy about it, but she might get into it in the spirit of the moment/day.  If she still refuses, be gracious, and remember that she is your friend because of who she is, and not what she looks like.

Lisa50

I think you're stuck.  You've dictated the dress.  She bought it.  Please don't force her to wear makeup simply because that's your preference.  Let it all go and enjoy your day!

Cortney1982

She is in denial about her size and altering it will only confirm that she is truely larger so I doubt she will give in.  Just leave her be.  Pushing the issue further might damage your friendship.

About the makeup.  Even though she normally doesn't wear makeup, she should wear it for the wedding.  I would maybe have a makeup party with all the girls before hand to try out the looks?  Maybe she will change her mind. 

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faaa34f0-d253-4c7e-a84e-bff027efe51ePost:3d56571a-4cc9-4a68-951a-996e2fb2d135">Re: Maid of Honor Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]She is in denial about her size and altering it will only confirm that she is truely larger so I doubt she will give in.  Just leave her be.  Pushing the issue further might damage your friendship. <strong>About the makeup.  Even though she normally doesn't wear makeup, she should wear it for the wedding.  I would maybe have a makeup party with all the girls before hand to try out the looks?  Maybe she will change her mind.</strong> 
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

<div>Why make someone who doesn't wear make-up wear make-up?  I don't get it.  </div><div>
</div><div>I would NEVER attend a make-up party, free or otherwise.  It's my face, I'm the only one who gets to decide what goes on it.  If you want to kick me out of the wedding because I don't wear make-up, so be it.  You must not be much of a friend anyway.  What kind of friend demands another friend to wear something on their face they don't want to?</div>

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:faaa34f0-d253-4c7e-a84e-bff027efe51ePost:36fe449c-1aa1-495d-8b08-f68a0995565f">Re: Maid of Honor Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Issues : Why make someone who doesn't wear make-up wear make-up?  I don't get it.   I would NEVER attend a make-up party, free or otherwise.  It's my face, I'm the only one who gets to decide what goes on it.  If you want to kick me out of the wedding because I don't wear make-up, so be it.  You must not be much of a friend anyway.  What kind of friend demands another friend to wear something on their face they don't want to?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Well said.</div>

tkingrqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:faaa34f0-d253-4c7e-a84e-bff027efe51ePost:6e81ba91-8add-41f6-a4f3-f705e038480c">Re: Maid of Honor Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you have a 'return' key? Sorry to be mean, but I just can't read that wall of text.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>way off topic, but i LOVE your dog! super cute! i want!</p>