Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest List Conflict

I was introduced to my fiance and his brother years ago by a mutual friend. They knew each other because her grandparents own a house on the lake about 50 ft from his parent's cabin up north and they grew up each summer hanging out on the lake.  Well Her family has been "friends" with my family since I was small, like 3.  The kids in their family are about the same ages as the kids in mine so we all had someone our age to play with growing up.  All through high school this "friend" was constantly a source of drama between me and my other friends in that group.  Well when I started dating my now fiance, we pretty much knew from the start that this was the real deal.  I wanted my friend to be happy for us, since SHE introduced us. Instead, she got jealous and told me it was MY FAULT that he and his brother stopped haning out with Her and her sister.  AND that my mom was talking crap about her living with her boyfriend. My mom is too nervous to talk crap about anyone, especially members of that family because they tend to overexaggerate and take things the wrong way.  

So my dilema is this:  My mom thinks I need to invite this girl's mother to our wedding.  I dont want to invite her because she makes me nervous and I am not friends with her daughters anymore and neither is my fiance.  However, this girl's paternal grandparents are nice people and good neighbors to my fiance's family when they're up north and my future mother in law would like to invite the grandparents to the wedding.  I have no problem with them, but I am afrarid that if I invite them and not the mother, it will cause even more drama.  My fiance doesnt care either way, so he's no real help in the situation.
And if I dont invite the mother my own mom will never hear the end of it because they are still "friends." (I dont think its much of a friendship if my mom has to be afriad of this woman.)

Any suggestions and opinons will help. This is the ONLY issue I am going to lose sleep over. :p

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Guest List Conflict

  • Well, if it were me, I would want to make my mother happy.  If she wants the woman inviteed, by all means invite her, IF there is enough room, and after you sit down with your mother and talk to her about your feelings.  If your parents are helping pay for the wedding, this also will be a determining factor in who gets invited. 

    We are inviting plenty of people that either I don't know, or FI doesn't know, or we both aren't too close to, but our parents wanted them invited, and we wanted to include our parents in the planning process as much as possible.

    Good luck!

    Anniversary
  • Why does she make you nervous? Do you think she will start drama at the wedding?
    If thats the case, don't invite her.
    If she can behave, go ahead and invite her. I invited my parents' friends.
  • well I do know this woman, all too well. Either she isnt invited and she'll never let my mom live it down  ("I know you'll invite me to your weddings" was her response when my mom told her she didnt need to be invited to this lady's daughters' weddings)  but if I DO inviter her......  ("maybe she wont even come" my mom says.  I bet she will, just to use it for her own petty purpose and I don't want to hear her commenting on what her girls did that made their weddings better than mine or telling other people about stuff my fiance used to do when he was young and stupid before I knew him)  Or maybe some people are right and I wont even have time to worry about her because I'll be too busy getting married and having a blast....

    I dont know.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I've invited LOTS of my parent's friends that I actually like, and love, and are like family to me.  But yeah, I am kinda afraid she could cause drama.... 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Unless you think she'll cause a public disturbance if you invite her, I would invite her and seat her at a table in an appropriate area that is nowhere near your line of sight.  You will be so busy enjoying getting married, greeting all the other guests and all the other details that go with it  you won't even notice her unless she screamed your name at the top of her lungs.  I have family who are full of drama but they know how to behave in public so I'm inviting them.  I doubt your mom would suggest it if she thought it would take away from your day.
  • Here's my best idea so far, the woman can be invited only after I get back my RSVPs from my "A-List" and if our budget allows, she and her husband and the grandparents of my ex-friend can come.  I will seat them FAR away from the head table and where my mom is sitting.  And I will seat them with other people who know how she is and know how to manage her. That way no one is grumpy or feels like they're going to be pestered about it too much later on, and I think my fiance and my BMs will be able to keep her away from me, and me away from her for the duration of the celebrations. :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-conflict?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb163866-3d3d-4191-9202-35d4669d1cd4Post:e71a5361-fb45-4b58-8539-071cbd130414">Re: Guest List Conflict</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's my best idea so far, <strong>the woman can be invited only after I get back my RSVPs from my "A-List" and if our budget allows, she and her husband and the grandparents of my ex-friend can come.</strong>  I will seat them FAR away from the head table and where my mom is sitting.  And I will seat them with other people who know how she is and know how to manage her. That way no one is grumpy or feels like they're going to be pestered about it too much later on, and I think my fiance and my BMs will be able to keep her away from me, and me away from her for the duration of the celebrations. :)
    Posted by mrslawton[/QUOTE]

    B-listing is rude and I <em>guarantee</em> that this woman will make far more comments knowing she was second string than if she isn't invited at all.

    Also, you need to thank every one of your guests in person for being there, whether that is through a receiving line or through table visits at your reception. It is fine to say "Thanks for coming, it's great to see you," and move on (so you don't get stuck comparing your wedding to her daughters') but you do need to face her at some point throughout the night if you invite her.
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