Hey there everyone! I am looking to get some advice for an etiquette concern with our wedding invites.
My fiance and I have both decided that we do not want any children under the age of 13, at our ceremony and reception. There are several big reasons for this decision, they being, 1) weddings are, overall, not an appropriate place for children. Kids get bored and lonely and there is nothing for them to do. In an effort to entertain themselves, they make noise, run around and get into trouble. And, at our wedding, we will have open bar for our guests, and I am VERY uncomfortable with children being around this kind of drinking. Of course all of our friends drink responsibly, but they do tend to get goofy and curse when they drink, which I would not want kids exposed to. 2) The venue we chose has a very STRICT policy on the attendance of children, and that is that they must be accompanied by an adult at all times, and that anytime they are found to be unaccompanied they will be removed from the venue (which would mean their parents have to leave, as well). They also have a policy regarding any damage that children may cause; it becomes the responsibility of the bride and the groom, and they lose their damage deposit. 3) Head count and budget. My Fiance and I are on a really, really tight budget for the wedding. We are trying to keep the head count at 200 or less. As our list stands now, with all our guests (friends, family, coworkers) we are at 187 people....which is perfect!!! BUT, if we were to add the kids that belong to all our friends, coworkers, extended family, and my FH step-sibblings' kids, we would have a guest count of 230 .Which means we would go way past our limit, and get charged additions on our contract, plus at $54.48 per person, getting charged for 43 kids is A LOT of money. It also means there would be OVER FOURTY children UNDER the age of 13 (which is the cut off we are going to suggest) in attendance. That would be too many young children hanging out, running around etc, at an adult-event. Like I said there will be drinking, the event runs until late at night, and we do not have anything planned that would be suitable or fun for kids (once again, budget issue).
My FH and I have discussed this issue together and are very happy about it, as it solves the budget worry, and the fear the kids may get into trouble at the venue (they have waterfalls, ponds, and rockfaces that kids would love to get into). We have also talked to our parents and immediate friends, who all think it is a great idea....some, who have kids who would be excluded, say it is a chance to get outta the house sans kids and have an adult night. So that has helped ease our minds that we are not being jerks.
So now that you know our situation, here are our concerns and questions we hope that some of you may be able to answer.
Our worry is that some people will, in fact, be mad, upset, or angry their child was not invited. We are also concerned that since teenagers are allowed (13+), if this may create a scenario where people question why one kid is there, when theirs is not. Have any of you ever had a no kids wedding? How did parents react to the news their kid(s) were not welcome to attend? Moreoever, how did people react when their kid was not old enough to attend (if there was an age cut off), but came on the day of and saw other kids there? If any of you have ever been met wth this specific issue???
And, finally, as far as wedding invite etiquette goes; how should I address the invitations, to those families with children, and let them know (very kindly) that their children are not welcome to attend the wedding?? This is the area I know could hurt feelings, and I do not want to do that. I love all my friends and families kids, and don't want them to think that I do not.
Thanks for any feedback, help or information you are able to give us. We assumed this would be one of those wedding topics people may have a lot of ideas/opinions on, since it relates to etiquette and how you treat your guests.