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Etiquette

Curious - NWR (kinda long)

Just curious of other opinions on this subject...

On Sunday, we had a very informal mother's day BBQ at our home.  Family and a handful of friends attended and it was very casual.

A very good friend brought her sister, who was in town for the weekend.  The sister was afraid of our 100 pound rottweiler (who is the sweetest dog ever and loves a good snuggle).   But, we were being proper hosts, and since she was afraid of him, we put him in his crate, where he politely curled up and went to sleep.

About an hour later, she was talking about how she was afraid of dogs.  A few of us started talking about aggressive dogs and how, a dog doesn't get all of the sudden get aggressive, it happens when a dog owner is irresponsible, doesn't properly socialize the dog, etc. 

She casually mentions "oh, well that's me then.  My pitbull is tied up in the backyard.  But, not for much longer, cuz it isn't my dog anyway, it's my ex husbands.  I'm dropping the dog off at the pound in July when I move."  She went on to tell us about this dog, who wasn't fixed, is tied up in a yard and has been for 2 years and hasn't been taken care of, other than to have food tossed at it... and they only got it so it would breed and they could sell the puppies but, that he didn't get their friend's female pitbull pregnant... etc. etc. 

I was horrified.  I said "so, you have an unsocialized, in tact, male pitbull, who will never pass a temperment test, and you are just gonna drop him off at the pound?"  She says "um, Yeah."   I said, why don't you just put a bullet between his eyes.  They are going to kill him within 24 hours since he is an owner surrender and he won't be able to pass a temperment test... he is not going to be adoptable.  You are dropping the dog off to be euthanized because you were irresponsible?"   I tell her that there are rescues that might be able to help her, but she is going to have to do some legwork to find a rescue that will take him and rehabilitate and rehome him, but it's possible to do so.

She just shrugs and says "I'm not doing that. I have more important things on my plate to handle".  

It took everything ounce of will power in my body not to tell her to get the FLUCK outta my house.  But, I didn't.  I tried to maintain some sense of calm and just said "well, when you drop him off at the pound, don't kid yourself that he will be adopted.  They are going to kill him, and it will be your and your ex husband's fault."

I thought I did pretty well, given the circumstances of the conversation.  I didn't slap the shiznit out of her.  I didn't toss her out of my home. I didn't raise my voice.   But, yesterday, my sweetheart says to me "You are so worried about proper etiquette, but you put that girl on BLAST in front of a room full of people that she didn't even know.  What about making your guests feel comfortable in your home Christina?  You don't have to agree with how she was handling that, but you didn't have to call her a dog murderer in front of 15 people" .

So... my question is... what do you all think?    Was I out of line?   She brought it up. I just responded to her.
  

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Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)

  • Animal abuse and murder is never acceptable. If she is that non-chalant about it I doubt she even cares you put her on blast.

    I applaud you. People are ridiculous...
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  • When it comes it animal rights I am an asshole. I don't really care who is there, if they are family, friends, or strangers. If they are mistreating an animal or know that an animal is being mistreated I will let them know exactly how I feel.

    I don't think you were out of line. Is there a pitbull specific rescue near you? They might be able to work with the dog - http://www.bull911.com/pitbullrescue.php
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I can't blame you for anything you said because you're entirely right, but I would be concerned as to how this will affect your relationship with your friend.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2012
    I would have reported her to the appropriate authorities.  Animal abuse is a crime in some places, and a rescue would get involved and do what they could for the dog.  

    *ETA: Oh, and I wouldn't have been as nice as you were.
  • ErinG93ErinG93 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:e3c0c0b5-8b38-493f-aaef-1c980ae5b191">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would have reported her to the appropriate authorities.  Animal abuse is a crime in some places, and a rescue would get involved and do what they could for the dog.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, I would have reported her too. I really hope a rescue can take care of this dog. I am surprised by your self control. I would have told her to get the fvck off my property and never come back. Animal abuse is not something I can handle with any grace or etiquette.</div>
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  • Yeah, there are plenty of bully rescues near me. BadRap is right near me, but they don't take owner surrenders.  The conversation went longer and I told her that I'd help her find a rescue, but that she was going to have to put in some effort (taking phone calls, maybe having the rescues come meet the dog, etc.)    but, she was NOT interested at all.  I have two dogs (my rottie and a bully-dalmation mix rescue) and a rescue cat, otherwise, I'd just take him myself.  But, since he has never been socialized, I can't risk it. 

  • Since she is still feeding and watering the dog, and it has a dog house, animal control or the SPCA won't do anything.  It's basic needs are being met (according to them).   They will just wait for the animal to be surrendered, and then temperment test him and/or see if one of the rescues wants to pull him from the shelter.

    ugh...  the whole thing hurts my heart.

  • Honestly, this may be an UO, but I feel like as an uninvited guest she crossed the line. She shouldn't have brought it up. As a guest in someone's home (that I don't know) I never bring up topics that are potential issues like politics, gay marraige, etc, even though I have a strong opinion on things myself, I don't want to rock the boat as a guest in someone else's house.

    So I really don't think you did anything wrong. But she did a LOT of things wrong.

    And I am not bringing up the whole irrisponsible pet thing because I could spout off on that one for hours. If she didn't want the dog, why didn't she take it to the pound sooner? Grrrr....

    Also I think its ridiculous that if the Ex wanted the dog he didn't atleast come care for it. My sister had to leave her cats with her ex but she made sure they were fed and well taken care of.
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  • why don't you try and find a shelter for him.  let them know what's up w/ the dog and maybe they'll meet her there.

    that's absolute crap.
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  • ugh. My FMIL posted a comment on a pit rescue page today and the comment and picture showed up on my newsfeed. Its a pit puppy with ticks so bad they are overflowing out of the ears. After reading this story and seeing that I don't know if I can eat my lunch.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:2b2174ab-0b2b-41db-be58-a91099486268">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, there are plenty of bully rescues near me. <strong>BadRap is right near me, but they don't take owner surrenders.</strong>  The conversation went longer and I told her that I'd help her find a rescue, but that she was going to have to put in some effort (taking phone calls, maybe having the rescues come meet the dog, etc.)    but, she was NOT interested at all.  I have two dogs (my rottie and a bully-dalmation mix rescue) and a rescue cat, otherwise, I'd just take him myself.  But, since he has never been socialized, I can't risk it. 
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    But if you reported how she is treating the dog could they just come in and ask her to give up the dog?  It's a little different when you walk in with you dog and say, I can't do this vs. a report of a dog tied up in the backyard.  Just a thought.

    And I think you handled yourself just fine.  She needed to be put on blast, even if all you said went over her head.
  • You were not out of line, she was vocal about her stand and she didnt need to speak about it. You did a lot better than I would have done, people like her infuriate me. That dog does not deserve to be treated that way, I hope someone is able to rescue her/him.

    Have you considered contacting animal rescue? I dont know if at this point itll help, this makes me so sad =( We resued my puppy (the one in my sig pic) under similar circumstances, luckily she was quite young so we were able to habitat/train her.

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  • Your FI is totally wrong. Sure, it's impolite to blast her in a room full of people, but it's more 'impolite' for her to willfully destroy the possibilities of that dogs life and discuss it so utterly nonchalantly. In my opinion, it's more important to stand up for your beliefs in YOUR home of all places than to let it go. She should rot in hell
  • I HATE people like that. High five to you.
  • She opened the door with the conversation, you just vocalized how you were feeling.  And apparently, publicly shaming her bad behavior didn't do anything to change her mind about it. 

    Animal, child and elderly abuse are three areas where I can't keep my mouth shut when I hear about them, so I applaud you for saying something (and for not slapping her, that must have taken a lot of restraint).

    I'd call other animal authorities to see what they can do to help, if SPCA isn't going to make a move. 

    I'd also show your FI this column with the postings to show him that there is support for people standing up to people like this guest you had in your home.  I'm not so sure my husband would've let her stay in the house if he heard her talking about something like this.
  • People like her make me want to do violent fucking things.  I probably would have been an asshole to her and asked her to leave.  If the dog has food and water the county probably won't do anything, but you might able to talk to a rescue to see if they can intervene in any way when the dog gets dropped off.  I would never be able to work in animal law enforcement.  I would end up in jail for beating the shiit out of people on a daily basis.
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  • thanks everyone.  I already contacted animal control and the ebspca.  They won't take the dog unless she brings it in and they won't put him up for adoption unless he passes the temperment test.  I just rescued two pitbulls about 5 months ago and rehomed them myself and during that process, I contacted badrap, and about 9 other rescues in the area to see if they would help me find a foster home or adoptive home for the dogs and they were so overflowing with bullies, all of their policies is, if they have space, they pull dogs from the shelters on their final day before euthanasia.   

    And because the dog has food, water and shelter, they don't consider it an "abuse" case.  I sure as hell do ! 

    This is the life my bullies live....  on the couch, with me.


  • I think it would have been out of line to be in the middle of a conversation about dogs and then say "Friend, don't you (insert list of all the things she does) to your pitbull?"  But she brought up her choices in public in front of people.  Clearly she doesn't think she did anything wrong and she's not hiding it.

    I commend you for not kicking her out right there.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:7e5f2961-fdea-4212-bd60-e7b779d24c75">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, you weren't out of line.  She was vocal about her vile behavior.  I would not have been able to hold my tongue at all. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
    Same here.

    Why would she even admit to such a thing in front of a bunch of strangers?
  • edited May 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:6149d42e-4a17-4655-854e-53446553c76c">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]thanks everyone.  I already contacted animal control and the ebspca.  They won't take the dog unless she brings it in and they won't put him up for adoption unless he passes the temperment test.  I just rescued two pitbulls about 5 months ago and rehomed them myself and during that process, I contacted badrap, and about 9 other rescues in the area to see if they would help me find a foster home or adoptive home for the dogs and they were so overflowing with bullies, all of their policies is, if they have space, they pull dogs from the shelters on their final day before euthanasia.    And because the dog has food, water and shelter, they don't consider it an "abuse" case.  I sure as hell do !  This is the life my bullies live....  on the couch, with me.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Any chance you could keep in touch with crazy-abuser-lady/the shelter to keep track of this dog?  Then you could notify the rescues when you know he's coming up on his euthanasia date, and hopefully find someone to take him at that point.  It blows that they won't consider taking him sooner, but at least you're trying to help.</div>
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  • Things I don't understand: People who are afraid of rottweilers, but were totally fine owning a pitbull (even if it was the ex's dog).

    Anyway, I think you were braver than I probably would have been. Chick's crazy. I'm also curious as to why the ex didn't take this dog. Poor thing.
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  • I would I have done the exact same thing as you. In fact, I have!  Not so nicely though :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:a60b2693-74f0-45c5-8004-a8fe6f48508a">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Things I don't understand: People who are afraid of rottweilers, but were totally fine owning a pitbull (even if it was the ex's dog). Anyway, I think you were braver than I probably would have been. Chick's crazy. I'm also curious as to why the ex didn't take this dog. Poor thing.
    Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

    right!???   I said the same thing to her!  You have a pitbull tied up in your backyard, but you are afraid of a well trained, socialized rottie?   Our 100 pound rottweiler is a snuggle boy.  I'm sure if someone tried to break in the house.... he wouldn't be so snuggly... but, if you are invited in the house, he knows that you are a guest.  He takes commands from our 2 and 3 year old nephews, because he knows he is supposed to.  They say "go to bed Sancho!"  and he walks right over to his bed and lays down.   But, somehow, he is scarier than an unsocialized dog tied up in the friggin backyard.
  • I love Rotties. I have never known a mean one. My aunt and uncle had one that was 140lbs (she was massive) and she thought she was a lap dog. I've seen her not be nice and do scary things, but it was always protective and reactive instead of aggressive.
  • I mean, come ON !!   Hector, our pitbull dalmation mix, is a total love bug.  We rescued him at 6 months old, when someone tied him up outside a McDonalds.  His entire body was sunburnt, so who knows how long he had been tied up out there with no shelter.  

    We got Sancho as a puppy from an accidental breeding from another idiot who didn't fix his dogs and was planning on breeding them eventually, but his female got pregnant in her first heat, but one of his non-AKC registered rotties... so, his pups weren't worth much in the puppy market, so we adopted our boy... and he is the sweetest boy EVER! 

    Justin, our kitty, was a feral we found under a car when he was about 3 weeks old.  We had to bottle feed him for about a month. 

    Ellie, my rescue boxer who passed away in January was abandoned by a puppy mill breeder on the side of the freeway covered in ticks and weighed 35 pounds.  When she died from a brain tumor at 7 years old, she was a meaty 70 pounds. 

    I just have no fluckin patience for people who don't take care of their pets.  I have had hundreds of foster dogs over the years.... 

    yeah... I think I'm going to have my friend put me in touch with the evil sister and see if I can find some way to contact the rescues on the day he is dropped off at the shelter.  It kills me to have to even speak to her, but I might have to be "nice" in order to keep this dog alive.

    Seriously.... how could you NOT love these faces and want to snuggle them!???


  • I think you did the right thing and your FI is completely in the wrong.  Sounds like you kept your cool. How could you sit silently by?  Especially since you are clearly extremely passionate about animal rescue.

  • I think what you did is great.  She is out of line and it breaks my heart to think of that poor pup.  I sincerely hope it doesn't go that way, but the reality of it doesn't look good unless appropriate people step in.  Tear....

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:2b5b6b7a-3745-478c-a3cb-e91c41fc616f">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I mean, come ON !!   Hector, our pitbull dalmation mix, is a total love bug.  We rescued him at 6 months old, when someone tied him up outside a McDonalds.  His entire body was sunburnt, so who knows how long he had been tied up out there with no shelter.   We got Sancho as a puppy from an accidental breeding from another idiot who didn't fix his dogs and was planning on breeding them eventually, but his female got pregnant in her first heat, but one of his non-AKC registered rotties... so, his pups weren't worth much in the puppy market, so we adopted our boy... and he is the sweetest boy EVER!  Justin, our kitty, was a feral we found under a car when he was about 3 weeks old.  We had to bottle feed him for about a month.  Ellie, my rescue boxer who passed away in January was abandoned by a puppy mill breeder on the side of the freeway covered in ticks and weighed 35 pounds.  When she died from a brain tumor at 7 years old, she was a meaty 70 pounds.  I just have no fluckin patience for people who don't take care of their pets.  I have had hundreds of foster dogs over the years....  yeah... I think I'm going to have my friend put me in touch with the evil sister and see if I can find some way to contact the rescues on the day he is dropped off at the shelter.  It kills me to have to even speak to her, but I might have to be "nice" in order to keep this dog alive. Seriously.... how could you NOT love these faces and want to snuggle them!???
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Slow clap for you for doing so much good for your pets - and for putting this woman in her place.

    I will never understand the flippancy with which people treat animals. They think and feel so much like we do, and yet so many people treat them like garbage. My adopted cat is a member of my family. He misses us when we're gone. He loves us. He gets scared when we don't come home at night. We owe it to him to be responsible and loving. As does every pet owner.

    So bravo - thank you for standing up for that poor dog. I wish there were more people like you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:5665f353-75cb-4186-81ac-822c5c4cf61d">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love Rotties. I have never known a mean one. My aunt and uncle had one that was 140lbs (she was massive) and she thought she was a lap dog. I've seen her not be nice and do scary things, but it was always protective and reactive instead of aggressive.
    Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

    I had a rottie.  Man, I loved that dog.  My kids would sleep on her for HOURS.  she wouldn't budge.  Cancer took her 2 years ago, but I still have a picture of her on my desk at work.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_curious-nwr-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fbd334d9-7f94-41fd-aa01-96644dc3ea0bPost:2b5b6b7a-3745-478c-a3cb-e91c41fc616f">Re: Curious - NWR (kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I mean, come ON !!   Hector, our pitbull dalmation mix, is a total love bug.  We rescued him at 6 months old, when someone tied him up outside a McDonalds.  His entire body was sunburnt, so who knows how long he had been tied up out there with no shelter.   We got Sancho as a puppy from an accidental breeding from another idiot who didn't fix his dogs and was planning on breeding them eventually, but his female got pregnant in her first heat, but one of his non-AKC registered rotties... so, his pups weren't worth much in the puppy market, so we adopted our boy... and he is the sweetest boy EVER!  Justin, our kitty, was a feral we found under a car when he was about 3 weeks old.  We had to bottle feed him for about a month.  Ellie, my rescue boxer who passed away in January was abandoned by a puppy mill breeder on the side of the freeway covered in ticks and weighed 35 pounds.  When she died from a brain tumor at 7 years old, she was a meaty 70 pounds.  I just have no fluckin patience for people who don't take care of their pets.  I have had hundreds of foster dogs over the years....  yeah... I think I'm going to have my friend put me in touch with the evil sister and see if I can find some way to contact the rescues on the day he is dropped off at the shelter.  It kills me to have to even speak to her, but I might have to be "nice" in order to keep this dog alive. Seriously.... how could you NOT love these faces and want to snuggle them!???
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Ok, seriously, those pictures can't get cuter!!!

    One of my friends has a rottie, and he is by no means a vicious dog. He's a teddy bear!!! She did have a little issue when she brought her baby home though.  Jericho the Rottie thought the baby was HIS, therefore, the baby was HIS to protect.  He would let my friend near the baby, but her husband, her parents, friends, etc, were not as welcome.  There was some training involved in letting Mr J know that while his guard dog efforts were well appreciated, my friend's husband put a roof over his head, fed him, and was actually the baby's father.  The baby (ok, he's now almost 2) can lay on the dog and the dog just lays there like it was his duty in life to cuddle him.  He's still super protective, just a little calmer now.

    At least that dog protected the baby though. Their other dog, a bull mastiff, would let Jack the Ripper in the house if he threw him a steak first. 
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