You're out of the bridal party

barefieldtak

Hello all! I'm the groom and our wedding is on Oct 9 2010. I'm asking this on my fiancee's behalf. One of her bridesmaids is her sister in law. My fiancee has only one sibling. Anyway, the other day she found out her sister in law has been cheating on her brother. She is now considering kicking her out of the bridal party. Her brother and sis in law are working things out now but she really doesn't her to be part of our wedding which I understand and really don't want her to be part of this day either. Your advice?

Brie2010

If her brother can forgive his wife, she should too.

I would stay out of it and see how the chips fall.  If they stay together, keep her in; if not, I think it'd be pretty obvious that she's no longer in it.  There's a lot of time before October--don't make any decisions just yet.

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-of-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fc2396f4-25ef-4a74-9ede-314a9c36e6b7Post:a6cc7f1b-a115-4363-b708-15c959464b28">You're out of the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all! I'm the groom and our wedding is on Oct 9 2010. I'm asking this on my fiancee's behalf. One of her bridesmaids is her sister in law. My fiancee has only one sibling. Anyway, the other day she found out her sister in law has been cheating on her brother. She is now considering kicking her out of the bridal party. Her brother and sis in law are working things out now but she really doesn't her to be part of our wedding which I understand and really don't want her to be part of this day either. Your advice?
Posted by barefieldtak[/QUOTE]

I think all your fiancee can do is bide her time and see how the marriage shakes out- October 2010 is a ways away, nobody has to decide anything now.  If her brother stays with the SIL, the SIL should be a part of the wedding.  If they break up, you won't have to even go there, because she'll automatically be excluded from the whole shebang.

sarahmk5

I second Brie.  If they're still together, than she should remain a BM.  If they break up, then I see why she shouldn't be in the bridal party, but if they're working it out, the BM should stay.

Nebb

Thats tricky. There is a lot of time between now and october, so you have no idea what strides they might make in their relationship. I know its hard to see your sibling hurt, but your FI should support her brothers choice to mend that relationship. Its possible that this was a one time indiscretion and they will be able to move forward, her being in the wedding might even help to fix that bond with the entire family, not just the brother. Give it time.

MyNameIsNot

Kicking someone out of the WP always creates drama, and the bride usually ends up looking like the bad guy.

Like others have said, if they are working it out and this girl is going to continue to be her SIL, she needs to leave it alone.  Kicking her out would just create family drama and would probably really hurt her brother.  Those things don't end after the wedding.  If she and the brother are getting divorced and this girl isn't going to be in her life anymore, she'll probably remove herself anyway. 

sucrets4

Kicking her out gets you guys involved.  Wait and see what happens.  If things are tense, she may even gracefully bow out and you'll look fine, but by kicking her out now is only going to create bad blood if they're working on things.

EmmaBride2B

If it was my brother, I'd also want to kick her, and I don't mean just out of the bridal party.

But everyone is right, take your cue from the brother - if they're working things out she needs to stay. You may get lucky though, and the SIL might feel awkward and step down. 

banana468

I also think I'd take my cues from the brother.  Since if they work things out she'd be at the wedding, it's all in how their marriage goes.

brookelynpaisley

Man, I was so excited! This post looked so promising for some Saturday night fun. Ah well.

I agree that your fiancee should follow her brother's lead on this one. Kicking someone out of the bridal party is usually a friendship-ending move, and it'd be awkward to kick her out now if they work it out. I agree that she should wait it out and see what happens. Chances are, if your FBIL and FSIL do break up, FSIL will bow out anyway and your FI won't have to do a thing.

SarahSmile23

great advice in this thread!

mocha beans

I'll echo everyone else.  This isn't really a decision that should be made right now.  If they stay together and work things out, obviously kicking her out is like knocking her back several steps when they're trying to move forward.  If it ends up falling apart, then obviously the decision is made.  But a lot can happen between now and mid-summer, especially in this case.  They can be fine one day and the next it will all implode.  Things are just too in flux to made a decision.

I can understand the obvious hurt, anger and betrayal feelings.  It's never wise to make a decision like effectively ending a relationship (kicking out of the BP) while in the midst of those emotions.

crfische

Sorry. If someone did that to my brothers, I really would kick them out and I wouldn't feel badly about it in the least.

If they want to work it out, that's fine and dandy, but I'm not going to want the woman who cheated on my brother in all of my wedding photos. Also, weddings make people crazy. She may want to stay with your brother to be a part of your wedding and ditch him later.

I wouldn't trust her, and I wouldn't expect that my family would think I would trust her or want her withing 2 feet of me, let alone standing up for us on our wedding day.

I'd say "You know, I hope that you and my brother can get this worked out in the best way possible for both of you, but I'm just really not comfortable having you in my wedding party. I trust you understand, you slimy cheater."

amlaplante

I agree with Fishy. Following your brother's cue is much easier said than done. Even if your brother decides to work it out with this women, your bridal party is there to support you and be part of your day. And what if they end up not working it out? You'll have this cheating woman in your wedding pictures for the rest of your life. She doesn't respect her own marriage enough to be faithful, she probably shouldn't be apart of the day when you begin yours. I'm very old fashioned when it comes to cheating. It is flat out something you DO NOT DO. (Especially to my brother!)

danieldebi

I'm with the Fish.