Wedding Etiquette Forum

legit E question, I suppose it's a P question too


Ok, some background on the situation: Mom and Dad are divorced, mom is remarried and my father hates him.

On the invites, my dad would be pissed if there was anything referring to stepdad’s name. In terms of phrasing, my mother does not want to be called Mrs Susannah last name, saying that her name should appear as Mrs. Christopher Last name, saying using her name makes her appear to be divorced from her current husband. But my dad won’t allow the name Chris to appear anywhere. He also wants the glory of having his name appear on the invite. I attempt to use the together with their parents, and then have him hosting the reception, but that didn’t fly with him or my FI.  
  

So, which is correct or what do you suggest I do?
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Re: legit E question, I suppose it's a P question too

  • "Together with their parents/families..."
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  • This sounds like family conflict that I really have no advice for.. Sit down and talk with both mom and dad maybe.

    Just curious, who is paying for the wedding?
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  • I agree with Brie.
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  • I'd ask who's paying too?  If it's only your dad, then maybe he gets more say.  But really, whether he likes it or not, your stepdad is there to stay and he's just going to have to get used to it.

    My mom hates my stepmom (she helped break up the marriage) and didn't want ANY reference to my father or even "together with their families" on the invite because she didn't want anyone assuming they contributed.  I didn't feel right leaving just my dad off and naming everyone else so we went with "The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Bride & Groom".  Good luck, I know it sucks dealing with divorced parents!
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  • The honor of your presence is requested
    at the marriage of

    You
    daughter of Mr. Thomas Jones, Mrs. Susannah new-last-name

    to

    FI
    son of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith


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  • Sounds like both of your parents are being silly, especially your father.  I agree with Brie - together with their parents / families....
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  • You will need to have a talk to your dad.  As long as your mom is still married it would be improper for her not to use her husband's name.  If she was referred to as Mrs. Name-Husband's last name that would indicate she was divorced. 

    The only time the title “Mrs.” may be used in front of a woman’s
    first name (as in Mrs. Mary Jones) is when she is divorced. From No Regrets Etiquette guide by Carrie Shuping.

    Your dad will not be happy but if his name is to appear then your mom's full name should appear as well. 

    Best of luck!
  • Together with their parents.  IT doesn't really matter who's paying for anything so don't force your dad to host the rehearsal dinner. 

    And really, your father is an adult.  It's time he behaved like one.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Everyone has been incredibly generous and has been chipping in, it's actually completely overwhelming and I am so thankful that we are getting to have a wonderful wedding. My father is contributing the lions share of funding.


    My mother says that Mrs Susannah Lastname when written indicates that she is divorced from my stepdad. So her correct name would be Mrs Christopher last name, but we cannot have Christopher anywhere on the invite.


    The together with their families was shot down by FI and my Dad, I thought it was my golden ticket really. Thanks for the input!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legit-e-question-suppose-its-p-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fd88c63f-9fc0-48f5-b5d3-aa3611e3c5a5Post:0f3ea0a2-c472-4c6a-bfbe-ae4378fc7080">Re: legit E question, I suppose it's a P question too</a>:
    [QUOTE]Together with their parents.  IT doesn't really matter who's paying for anything so don't force your dad to host the rehearsal dinner.  And really, your father is an adult.  It's time he behaved like one.
    Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]



    tell me about it. There's a little bit of Narcissistic Personality Disorder going on there. I'm the only person who has a FOB zilla.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_legit-e-question-suppose-its-p-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fd88c63f-9fc0-48f5-b5d3-aa3611e3c5a5Post:8f5527f1-c692-44b8-adfd-fc382ac3f9cb">Re: legit E question, I suppose it's a P question too</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everyone has been incredibly generous and has been chipping in, it's actually completely overwhelming and I am so thankful that we are getting to have a wonderful wedding. My father is contributing the lions share of funding. My mother says that Mrs Susannah Lastname when written indicates that she is divorced from my stepdad. So her correct name would be Mrs Christopher last name, but we cannot have Christopher anywhere on the invite. <strong>The together with their families was shot down by FI and my Dad, I thought it was my golden ticket really.</strong> Thanks for the input!
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    Then tell your FI and dad to come up with a solution.
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  • I am confused by your mothers thinking that Mrs. Sue whatshisnname implies she's divorced. It's the "Mrs" that makes her married, and wont her husband be there? Sounds like she's kind of trying to stick it back to your Dad too.
    Personally I've always hated the whole Mrs. His whole name thing. Makes me think the woman doesn't have her own identity. IMO.

    I'd go for with their families and make them act like adults.
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  • All of those letters made me think of my favorite It's Always Sunny quote, "Later dudes. F you in your As, don't wear a C, and J all over your Bs"
  • Sounds like both your parents are being really difficult. But like a PP suggested, the one way to satisfy everyone is to use first names, no titles. That way your father doesn't have to deal with her husband's name on the invitation and she doesn't have to (gasp) look like maybe she's been divorced.
  • Your dad won't allow?  I'm sorry, but I wouldn't allow him to contribute it he wanted to be this controlling. 
  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    Ten Cups-- She doesn't care if people know she's divorced from my dad, she doesn't want people to think she's divorced from her current husband, my step dad. That's really the issue for her.

    Kit- It's better to deal with this now before they are printed or else I will hear about this forever. There are some other issues I don't want to really get into, but even if he wasn't contributing it would be a huge issue. I have to know what battles to pick, you know?
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