rehersal dinner

mrsamyjones

so I already know all the ettiquete problems that are facing me as I begin to write this post, but here is my situation. My FI and I went to his mom to talk about the rehersal dinner. His whole family is from england and other than my FI no one has heard of a rehersal dinner, when I explained what it was and that its customary that the Bride and Groom foot the bill she kinda freaked and said that either we dont have one or the guests will have to foot their own bill. Now I think this is wrong, but I'm stuck between a rock and a FMIL... our personal finances can't cover the rehersal dinner (our WP is quite large approximately 45 people would need to attend the rehersal dinner).

I really need advice on this one, and saying pay for it yourself isn't helpful, the funds aren't there.

Alternate suggestions are appreciated...Is it going to be the worst thing in the world if people have to pay for themselves? Is it horrible if we all grab a few pizzas and go the super informal route?

danieliza1127

You need to feed the people that need to be at the rehearsal, and pizza is perfectly fine!  It doesn't have to be a restaurant.  You could go to someone's house and order pizzas or just have a cook-out even with burgers and hot dogs. 

Also, you could just skip the rehearsal all together and run through it before the actual ceremony on the day of.

betrothed123

Pizzas aren't expensive.

If you can't afford to host anything, don't have a rehearsal.  then you don't have to feed anyone.  Our rehearsal was basically pointless.  We walked down the aisle, and then went and ate pizza.  There was nothing done that couldn't have been figured out the day of the wedding.

vallyhoo

I like pizza.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehersal-dinner-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdd5ab6f-b446-4a8b-bb49-3518d4d502d6Post:2736ef9b-9f95-47f2-b208-407f4194803e">Re: rehersal dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]that its customary that the Bride and Groom foot the bill she kinda freaked and said that either we dont have one or the guests will have to foot their own bill. she never asked any else to foot the bill, as far as I can tell from here.
Posted by SarahnVinny[/QUOTE]

I kind of read between the lines and figured that she at least hinted strongly that groom's parents chip in for it.  Otherwise, why would MIL flip?  And why would she even mention who pays for it if they've got it covered? 

In any event, I'd skip the rehearsal altogether unless there's a really strong reason to have one (like, nervous kids or first-timers or something).  Nearly everyone has already been to a wedding before and it doesn't take much to walk down the aisle and listen for your cues if you have to do a reading or something. 

mrsamyjones

I actually didnt ask her to pay for anything, we were just discussing what to do when we realized how many people would be attending. Previously we had decided to just host the rehersal dinner at their house, that was when we were estimating that it would only be about 25 people ( this was very early on in the planning stages), then we actually sat down a few days ago and realized that there would be significantly more people, too many to fit into their backyard. This is where my budget question comes into play. Now that we would be going out to a restaurant or something like this it will cost significantly more. Based on the opinions above it sounds like pizza or bbq is acceptable and I think I'm just going to host it at my venue. If people want to drink afterwards we'll just go back to my hotel room.