table names

michellesean

So I've been lurking all day and saw a post asking about assigned seating and was wondering if assigned seating is rude. I wanted to assign tables and let people find their own seats at that table. But my step mom thinks its nice to print out name cards to put at each seat. Originally i planned to attach a card to a cute little wood carving with each persons name and their table. My step mom thinks we should have a paper framed at the reception entrance next to the guest book that lists each table with guests names after each table then use the carving as name cards at each place. What is right, what is wrong, and what should I tell my step mom since she is very opinionated, very stubborn and likes things to go her way?

Jen4948

The arrangements I've seen that worked the best have involved open seating at assigned tables, as opposed to totally open seating or assigned seats.

michellesean

Right I'm not talking about assigned tables. I was planning on assigning tables for our guests. What my step mom wants me to do is assign seats for everyone. So not only do we pick what table they sit at, but we also pick where they sit at the table so like wherever the little wood carving is with their name attached, thats where they sit. My idea was to just set their tables and let them sit at whichever seat at that table they want. The wood carving would be at the entrance to the reception with their name and table number they take it from there and sit wherever they want at that table.

libby2483

I prefer assigned tables, but not assigned seating at the table.  I've never been to a wedding where guests were told exactly what seat to sit in, and I would probably find it a bit odd in all honesty.  I just don't think that you need to micromanage quite that much.  I would stick to your original plan, not your step-moms.

Simply Fated

There is no right or wrong, just preference, really. I was only at one event that had assigned seating, not just assigned tables. I actually appreciated it, but I don't know if I'd always like it. It's certainly not necessary.

mlg78

I think a lot of people prefer assigned tables, but not assigned seats.  Not only is it extra work but we're adults, we can figure out where to sit at a table.

Amyzen83

I'm thinking of doing the assigned tables and possibly seating, just so I can assure everyone has a place to sit. I'm also thinking that if a few addional people happen to show up but didn't RSVP, I'll leave a extra table that they can sit at. If you don't want to do all the extra work, then table numbers/names are perfectly fine too!

FYI: It can limit the occasional wedding crashers, by ensuring that only the people you actually invited to your wedding and RSVPed have a table and a seat. For example: lets say the obnoxious co-worker tries to tag along with your close co-workers, but you didn't specifically invite him. Or just random spectators want in on the action.

michellesean

Ok thanks. She has the habit of saying, "ok fine whatever you want is fine." Then guilt trips me into doing what she wants.

saric83

Have you asked her why she wants to do it?  Maybe her concern is more of having people try to find their name tags towards the front or whatever since I have seen that be a bit of a cluster if there's not much room for it. 

If it's something like that, you could have the compromise of having the framed list in the front, like she suggested.  And then instead of actually doing specific seats, just put the name-holders in the middle of each table, and people could grab them and put them at whatever seat them want. 

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fde5fbe5-44de-4845-abfc-3ac8235c03cfPost:9ba4fad4-9c8b-4839-8ff0-81526c4d21fe">table names</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've been lurking all day and saw a post asking about assigned seating and was wondering if assigned seating is rude. I wanted to assign tables and let people find their own seats at that table. But my step mom thinks its nice to print out name cards to put at each seat. Originally i planned to attach a card to a cute little wood carving with each persons name and their table. My step mom thinks we should have a paper framed at the reception entrance next to the guest book that lists each table with guests names after each table then use the carving as name cards at each place. What is right, what is wrong, and what should I tell my step mom since she is very opinionated, very stubborn and likes things to go her way?
Posted by michellesean[/QUOTE]

Assigned tables is extremely helpful, but not assigned seating. That might upset people to be told exactly what seat..and let's be honest, they might just sit where thaey want at that table anyhow..

RissAnn1970

Assigned tables are typical for this time period and generally uses escort cards, which are names at the door . What your stepmother is talking about are place cards, which used to be used at very formal dinner parties. It was also the norm that couples were seated at the same table, but not next to each other, in an effort to facilitate conversation. The host would plan the seating very carefully to that end. For 10 to 12 people? Maybe. For 100 people at a wedding? That's crazy.

fuerst37

I've mostly been to weddings with assigned tables, not seats. That makes sense to me, but everyone has their own preference.

My cousin had assigned seats at her wedding, and my mother was miserable. Because she has hearing aids, she needs a little flexibility on where she sits, and to her specified seat was immediately next to the DJ's speaker. If she could have moved a few seats to the left or right, she would have had a nicer time.

My vote is for the table, not the seat. You have plenty of other things to do than decide if Aunt Flo should sit next to Uncle Ricky or Cousin Bobby, and you won't know everyone's preferences, like hearing aids or anything else.

[Deleted User]

I think either way is fine but I would go with the plan you wanted, just assign tables. Reason being is less work & stress for you. And for me, it was all about limiting the amount of stress during the planning process. First you have to figure out who will sit at what table which can be a huge project in itself. Then to figure out who sits by who & to map it out so that your reception hall understands it clearly to set up up correctly for you is going to be another project.

And when step mom puts out her idea again, you can tell her that you're concerned reception hall will mess up putting names on individual spots and if it gets messed up that it could cause problems so you're just going to limit potential issues & do the cards at the entrance table so all the reception hall has to do is make sure their in alphabetical order.

Calypso1977

ive only been to one wedding with assigned seats (and then we all switched seats anyway so it was sorta dumb).  all others had assigned seating.  ive never been to an "open seating" wedding but i know one would give me anxiety.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_table-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fde5fbe5-44de-4845-abfc-3ac8235c03cfPost:d9e4e29e-69d6-4655-b320-60e185990fa7">Re: table names</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to table names : Assigned tables is extremely helpful, but not assigned seating. That might upset people to be told exactly what seat..and let's be honest, they might just sit where thaey want at that table anyhow..
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

This.  I have only been to one wedding with assigned seats and everyone at the table ended up switching where they sat anyways.  Those darn placecards just grew legs and moved to other spots LOL!

michellesean

Thanx for the advice ladies! Ill talk to my step mom today.