Kids or No Kids

Katienorth

Hi All! My Mom and I do not want kids at my wedding.  She now tells me that she's not sure how NOT to invite one cousin's kids in particular.  They will be coming in from out of town.. All of our family will be coming in from out of town.  My fiance has a lot of kids on his side.. If we invite the older kids, how do we do this?  Is there an age limit? 10 and up? How do I handle this??

adamar15

What do you mean she's not sure how not to invite them?  Just don't include them on the invitation.  They may decline since their kids aren't invited, but that's their choice. 

If you want to invite older kids, just make sure there's a clear cutoff.  10 seems kind of in the middle, maybe do 13 and up or 16 and up?  Stick to your guns and don't let people guilt you into making exceptions.  You'll only cause more hurt feelings if you start letting Aunt Sally bring her kids because she pushed you on it, but Aunt Deb didn't say anything and now she's hurt because she sees Sally's kids there.

Jan3313

Definately stick to your guns!!! Set and age and that is it. Put is black and white in the invites. My sister had no one under 16 were invited. Yes some people got upset and would not come and there were hurt feelings but this is your day and people should respect your wishes. 

I am going through the same thing except I am only having immediate family allowed to bring kids (nieces nephews). I know there is going to be issues with cousins.

Good Luck

Jan

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-or-no-kids-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe172b13-febd-4c4d-91f4-d74edb7580c9Post:3eec7d1c-e0ff-46db-b3ad-1de126f43b49">Re: Kids or No Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately stick to your guns!!! Set and age and that is it. <strong>Put is black and white in the invites.</strong> My sister had no one under 16 were invited. Yes some people got upset and would not come and there were hurt feelings but this is your day and people should respect your wishes.  I am going through the same thing except I am only having immediate family allowed to bring kids (nieces nephews). I know there is going to be issues with cousins. Good Luck Jan
Posted by Jan3313[/QUOTE]

By addressing them clearly.  Don't make any mention of who is not invited on the invitation.  None of this "adults only reception" crap.

Kate61487

I also don't really understand what you mean; is your mom saying she doesn't think they'll come if you don't invite the kids and b/c of that you must invite them?  If that's the case it's up to you how much you want that particular cousin to attend.

You can do an age cutoff if you want - it can be really any age you choose.  If you go with an age cutoff though then to avoid hurt feelings you have to keep that age cutoff across the board.  Also, if your cutoff would split a family - i.e. Cousin Sally's kids are 12 and 8 - seriously reconsider.  splitting up a family is a pretty big no-no.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-or-no-kids-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe172b13-febd-4c4d-91f4-d74edb7580c9Post:3c12d5be-9697-4489-af02-cd4cb6726fb0">Kids or No Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! <strong>My Mom and I do not want kids at my wedding.</strong>  She now tells me that she's not sure how NOT to invite one cousin's kids in particular.  They will be coming in from out of town.. All of our family will be coming in from out of town.  My fiance has a lot of kids on his side.. If we invite the older kids, how do we do this?  Is there an age limit? 10 and up? How do I handle this??
Posted by Katienorth[/QUOTE]

Oh, this does not bode well for your FI. It's his wedding too, you know. He gets a say too, you know.

carolemb

If they are coming from out of town you could send them information on local child care services. Your hotel should be able to refer you to a reputable company. If you email it to all parents, it shouldn't be offensive as long as you offer it as a resource that they may or may not want to take advantage of during their stay.

Also, you could set up a "kids room" at the wedding and hire a sitter to help entertain and play games while the parents have fun in the main room with all the adults.

Ultimately, some people might bring their kids, even if you don't put the kids names on the invitations. Don't count on everyone just knowing the "rules" especially if you and your FI don't quite see eye to eye on the situation. Unless you do the controversial "adults only," at some point you just have to let go and roll with it.

lindsaynewbride10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-or-no-kids-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe172b13-febd-4c4d-91f4-d74edb7580c9Post:5d6cbe76-9bae-4314-87ab-d5a9ad960372">Re: Kids or No Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids or No Kids : By addressing them clearly.  Don't make any mention of who is not invited on the invitation.  <strong>None of this "adults only reception" crap.
</strong>Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Yes please make NO mention of who is not invited. Addressing the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" will do just fine. I recently received a wedding invite that had "adults only, please.." on the invite and I about came out of my skin.