Wedding Etiquette Forum

Co-worker will not stop bringing up my wedding...advice?

Merry Christmas Eve, Ladies!

I'm being very careful to heed the advice of TK and not mention my wedding at work as I have no intention of inviting any of my current co-workers to the wedding.  

However, one in particular (my immediately leader) has a horrible habit of continually bring up the wedding and calling attention to it.  I feel that they are already fishing for an invitation.  We were at a team luncheon yesterday and I was asked if I was taking time off for the holidays.  I responded very politely that I was not.  However, this co-worker felt the need to interject that I am saving time for my wedding next year.  She will continually bring up the wedding in mixed conversations, often when un appropriate.

Any advice on how to better handle things?  I am answering the questions with as much deflection and minimal details.  The only reason the date is even known is because I had to request the time off nearly a year in advance.

Thanks!

Am I going to be able to avoid not inviting them?

Re: Co-worker will not stop bringing up my wedding...advice?

  • You are doing the right thing.  Keep on changing the subject and avoid bringing anything WR up if possible.
  • I'm in CFL, too.  How about if I come set her straight?  ;-)


    I ditto theothers.  Just keep on changing the subject and don't feel obligated to extend an invitation.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Adding on.

    Depending on your relationship with her, you could have a private conversation with her and tell her that it makes you very uncomfortable when she does that because you're not going to be able to include coworkers due to budget and you would really, really prefer to keep business and personal separate.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Ms B is wise. I hated when people (whoever they were) started fishing for invitations. It's aggravating and since it's at work, it's even worse. Good luck! You're doing it the right way!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_co-worker-will-not-stop-bringing-up-weddingadvice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe5394a1-c068-45c1-be88-6d0731a3aac2Post:2f696d13-2a74-4381-8fb9-6c4fcda7ec38">Re: Co-worker will not stop bringing up my wedding...advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Ms B is wise.</strong> I hated when people (whoever they were) started fishing for invitations. It's aggravating and since it's at work, it's even worse. Good luck! You're doing it the right way!
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]


    Siggy quote!  =-D
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Asking you questions about the wedding doesn't in itself mean she's "fishing" for an invite. Unless you have some other reason to believe she is, she might just be making conversation. I don't get what the big deal is or why you'd be "uncomfortable" discussing it. Just make it clear at some point that it's a "small" wedding or "family and close friends" only or whatever you want to say.

    It's common in my experience for people to discuss all sorts of things in the office that they are not actually a part of--it's just part of making conversation with people you spend all day with.
  • I agree with Tenofcups4me.  Lots of people at my office have been asking me tons of questions about my wedding.  I always answer, but make sure to throw in how crazy it is planning and how hard it has been to keep the guest list within our budget and how we've had to make so many cuts!  This way I am laying the ground work so people aren't surprised when they are not invited.  But as she sais, these are the people you spend most of your life with so it is natural for it to come up in conversation.
  • I think the difference between making conversation by bringing up the wedding and what this co-worker is doing is the appropriateness of the time. By the water cooler or in the break room might be an appropriate time to ask about the wedding to make conversation, although one would still be wise to deflect from it if not planning to invite said co-worker. This co-worker is deliberately bringing up the wedding at times which sound inappropriate- at a work luncheon with what sounds like the OP's entire team? Inappropriate, as even if the OP was inviting co-workers, it is unlikely that she will invite ALL co-workers.

    OP, I agree with PPs, you are doing everything right, jus continue to bean-dippin'. And no, just because this co-worker keeps interjecting questions about the wedding, does not mean you have to invite them.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • If it was brought up in polite conversation, it would be one thing.  However, this is typically inserted at inappropriate times and when it is not relevant to the subject at hand.  You wouldn't walk by someone who is in the middle of another conversation and call out that another person is getting married?  It's typically dragged into the conversation at points of time that are not relevant. That's the type of behavior.  It's part of a long history of odd behavior and numerous other bits of awkwardness with this person.  (ex.  FI called my desk when I was away training with said co-worker, so my phone was forwarded to them.  Instead of taking a message, she starts grilling him on whether or not he treats me well and that I'm just a wonderful "little girl".)

    Trust me, I don't mind the polite conversations with my other co-workers.  It's come up infrequently with them and as group this new team that I support is not very social.  Most can't even get my name right!
  • At this point, you need to be straight. Just say "Coworker, I appreciate your interest in my wedding, however I'm uncomfortable discussing it at work, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if they don't get an invite."

    The if is key. This will stem any drama, and keep her from guessing who won't be invited. If she asks why any coworker wouldn't get an invite, just cite the "keeping the guest list small" excuse.
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