Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!

Stullos3121

Problem solved!

LeiselEB

Why not just keep her in? Your sister will be processing with your baby, so even if she stands up with the other bridesmaids, she's not part of the same processional - that would make the sides appear about even. 

Ask  your other friend, but don't kick anyone out. My cousin just got married and kicked one of her bridesmaids out to make room for another friend - they are no longer speaking, that girl didn't come to wedding and it has caused a lot of tension between my cousin and her in laws. It seems like something like this would blow over, but trust me, it won't. 

Just keep the girl in and ask your other friend as well. With the numbers you have, it won't look obviously uneven.

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe699a9f-2eb8-4f53-a805-54cac5bf2046Post:cae29f10-3235-48a7-813c-bc7ae75c9e31">Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have done EXACTLY what I've tried to avoid since I got engaged...asked friends to be Maids and ended up over asking. My fiance wants our parties to be even or close to it and I got caught up in the moment and asked a friend who I now regret asking...and need room for a closer friend of mine. My fiance has 5 in his party, meanwhile I have my two half sisters 11 36, the 11 year old is going to walk our baby down the aisle, so I don't know if she counts, his sister and four other friends, I need it to five other friends but would rather cut it down to four. I didn't realize how important it was to this very dear friend of mine to be in the wedding my fiance is not a big fan of hers. One of my maids said this friend already assumed she was in the wedding, which is why I asked her, but now I need her out to make room for another! I thought about asking her to do a reading...but let's be honest...that would just hurt her feelings. Long story short is there anyway to cut her without severing our friendship? Or am I just screwed??! Please help me with any advice!!!
Posted by Stullos3121[/QUOTE]



Wow. You're screwed? Thats a nice way to put it when talking about a friend.

Please don't ask her to step down. It'll sever the friendship, not to mention its just out right mean. Why can't you just ask your other friend to be in the wedding? I had a similar situation but chose to ask my friend to be my 7th maid. Honestly having even numbers doesn't matter, what matters is that you are marrying the love of your life and that your closest friends are there with you.

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe699a9f-2eb8-4f53-a805-54cac5bf2046Post:2710edfe-9b10-40d1-93a6-fabf98a9e0ea">Re: Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not just keep her in? Your sister will be processing with your baby, so even if she stands up with the other bridesmaids, she's not part of the same processional - that would make the sides appear about even.  Ask  your other friend, but don't kick anyone out. My cousin just got married and kicked one of her bridesmaids out to make room for another friend - they are no longer speaking, that girl didn't come to wedding and it has caused a lot of tension between my cousin and her in laws. It seems like something like this would blow over, but trust me, it won't.  Just keep the girl in and ask your other friend as well. With the numbers you have, it won't look obviously uneven.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this.  Asking someone to step out of your bridal party is really a friendship ending move, so make the best of the situation you're in.  </div>

crash2729

If you ask the BM to step down and just do a reading that will more than likely end your friendship. 

Just have uneven sides. It will be fine. No one will care.

Maybone

Why doesn't his sister stand on his side? That will give you room on your side and help keep things even.

pokepoke27

You don't need even sides. Ask the friend that you want in the BP. Don't kick out the other girl. You are not screwed.

lringue

Wow this would ruin a friendship? A real friend should be ok with how you want your wedding to be. I agree you dont need even sides but if thats what you want then dont settle you should be able to have what you want for you wedding. My question would be would you be happier with your wedding if  your close friends were in the bridal party or if you had even sides to the grooms party? either way the people that love you should understand.

Loopyseven

I would be incredibly hurt if I was asked to be in a wedding party and then asked to step down because they B&G want even numbers.  I see that as putting numbers in front of our friendship, so I obviously don't mean that much to the person.  It's even worse if I find out they replaced me with someone else.  

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!:[QUOTE]Wow this would ruin a friendship? A real friend should be ok with how you wantnbsp;your wedding to be. I agree you dont need even sides but if thats what you want then dont settlenbsp;you should be able to have what you want for you wedding.nbsp;My question would be would you be happier with your wedding ifnbsp; your close friends were in the bridal party or if you had even sides tonbsp;the groomsnbsp;party? either way the people that love you should understand. Posted by lringue[/QUOTE]

Umm, a "real friend" wouldn't be more concerned about "even sides" than hurting the feelings of her friends. Clearly this girl is excited to be a part of the wedding... and kicking a bridesmaid out demoting, unasking, whatever is a VERY public slight. So yes, it is offensive and can easily become a friendship ending move.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe699a9f-2eb8-4f53-a805-54cac5bf2046Post:c950a238-aefc-43b2-9590-2baa3526c7a3">Re: Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Wow this would ruin a friendship? A real friend should be ok with how you want your wedding to be.</strong> I agree you dont need even sides but if thats what you want then dont settle you should be able to have what you want for you wedding. My question would be would you be happier with your wedding if  your close friends were in the bridal party or if you had even sides to the grooms party? either way the people that love you should understand.
Posted by lringue[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, a REAL FRIEND wouldn't kick someone out of a bridal party because someone "more important" came along.   A REAL FRIEND woudln't put "even sides" or pretty pictures ahead of friendship.  </div><div>
</div><div>Yes, kicking out a member of the wedding party is a potentially friendship-ending move.  Anyone who hopes to maintain a friendship would not ask a bridesmaid to step down to make room for someone else.

</div>

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe699a9f-2eb8-4f53-a805-54cac5bf2046Post:c950a238-aefc-43b2-9590-2baa3526c7a3">Re: Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow this would ruin a friendship? A real friend should be ok with how you want your wedding to be. I agree you dont need even sides but if thats what you want then dont settle you should be able to have what you want for you wedding. My question would be would you be happier with your wedding if  your close friends were in the bridal party or if you had even sides to the grooms party? either way the people that love you should understand.
Posted by lringue[/QUOTE]
I truly loathe the trite justification of 'Oh your friends and family should love you and support your choices no matter how rude or bitchy or hurtful you are!'  The fact that they are your friends and family members means that you should take extra care not to treat them like crap, not that they should thank you obsequiously for treating them like crap.

[Deleted User]

Have uneven sides!  To kick anyone out of your wedding party is a friendship ending move, which you clearly are aware of because you admit to lurking on here and seeing this situation happen to other people.

It's not going to be the end of the world having more on your side than the other.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fe699a9f-2eb8-4f53-a805-54cac5bf2046Post:c950a238-aefc-43b2-9590-2baa3526c7a3">Re: Help! Bridesmaid Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow this would ruin a friendship? A real friend should be ok with how you want your wedding to be. I agree you dont need even sides but if thats what you want then dont settle you should be able to have what you want for you wedding. My question would be would you be happier with your wedding if  your close friends were in the bridal party or if you had even sides to the grooms party? either way the people that love you should understand.
Posted by lringue[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, real friends don't kick friends out of activities, events, or, BRIDAL PARTIES because they want even sides.

</div>

Stullos3121

I'm totally fine with uneven sides. I have said from day one that I want all my friends to be included. My fianc is mad that I have so many more. I learned my lesson not post questions I already know the answer too after a pitcher of Margaritas first date night since baby!. I could never hurt her like that. I guess a part of me was a little disappointed that she hasn't called me in 6 months to even say hello, let alone ask if she can help with anything but it's definitely not worth throwing a friendship away over. I cringed seeing all I wrote last night but even more so seeing the replies that made me feel like a monster, so thank you for that. Too bad The Knot doesn't let you delete posts all together! But seriously thank you to all who actually tried to help. I really do appreciate it.