Wedding Etiquette Forum

Address Wording

Ok, I'm realizing that there is probably not a proper wording for this since it's not proper etiquette anyway, but I figured I'd get opinions.

We will be inviting several married women to the wedding without their spouses (read below if you're really interested in knowing why).  For the outer envelope, should it be "Mrs. Susan Smith" or "Mrs. John Smith".  I know the former is normally reserved for divorced women, and the latter for widowed women.  Which is more appropriate in this situation?



(My mom has a large group of women that have been friends while all of their kids have grown up together.  I am the first of the kids to get married, so there's no previous standard to go off of for the group.  My mom talked with all the ladies about whether she would be able to invite them all, since it would obviously be all of the group or none.  They insisted that if they were to be invited, it would be without spouses.  They originally asked to be invited to the ceremony only, but my mom recently decided that she wanted to have them come to the whole event.  My parents are paying, but I am addressing the invites.)

Re: Address Wording

  • I had a similar situation with my mother's high school group.  They all insisted that they wanted to make it a girls' weekend and leave their husbands behind.  I still felt uncomfortable excluding the spouses, so I just invited the couples.  They all came without their husbands anyway.  
  • If I were receiving the invite I would prefer Mrs. Susan Smith, but that's just my personal taste.

    If these are your mom's friends/invites, I'd ask her how'd she'd like them to read. Older people might read into the divorcee vs. widow thing, or they might be a group that couldn't care less. I'd do what she wants though, so that you are not at fault.
  • Why wouldn't it be Ms. Susan Smith for a divorcee?
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  • Never mind - I'm dumb.  I'd write it as Mrs. Susan Smith if you aren't inviting the hubby.
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  • I'd do: Mrs. Susan Smith. I hate the idea of addressing women by their husband's name.
  • Mrs. Susan Smith. I don't think that implies someone is divorced - that would be Ms. Susan Smith, wouldn't it?
  • Got it, you ladies are right about the Ms. thing for divorcees.  I'll go with "Mrs. Susan Smith".

    Thanks everyone!
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