Gift Registry

SaraAdam

Ok, EVERY wedding book and wedding website I have found says that it is rude to put where you are registered on your invitations and that you have to just spread the word by mouth.  Please, someone answer me why.

I live in the upper midwest, very upper.  Most of my wedding invites I have recieved come from Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconson, and then some random ones from Texas, New York, Alaska, and California. But, all of them have had the wedding registry listed.  I'm going to follow suit because that is what people do, and I think it is absolutly ridiculous that people are expected to find out where you are registered by word of mouth. 

Living in a very midwest community, with very Norweigan and German backgrounds, people always want to give gifts that YOU want, but in such a community, it is unthinkable to call up a bride or her family to get information they feel should have been given up front.  I remember some old babas and jetiks once were very annoyed that a bride DIDN'T include a registry listing.  I believe one commented "How are we supposed to know what she needs if she doesn't give us the information?  I'm not going to call her to find out."  It's almost rude here to NOT include the gift registry, and its seen as common courtisy to not have your guests guessing in the dark what the young couple needs to start a new life together.

So, I just really want to know why this is considered tactless and rude.

Pirata13

Because it is saying you EXPECT gifts.

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffbbdd70-e1cb-4fa0-9f21-84cc8a7fe41bPost:c8669dca-582a-42a8-b253-860a90e4863f">Gift Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, EVERY wedding book and wedding website I have found says that it is rude to put where you are registered on your invitations and that you have to just spread the word by mouth.  Please, someone answer me why. I live in the upper midwest, very upper.  Most of my wedding invites I have recieved come from Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconson, and then some random ones from Texas, New York, Alaska, and California. But, all of them have had the wedding registry listed.  I'm going to follow suit because that is what people do, and I think it is absolutly ridiculous that people are expected to find out where you are registered by word of mouth.  Living in a very midwest community, with very Norweigan and German backgrounds, people always want to give gifts that YOU want, but in such a community, it is unthinkable to call up a bride or her family to get information they feel should have been given up front.  I remember some old babas and jetiks once were very annoyed that a bride DIDN'T include a registry listing.  I believe one commented "How are we supposed to know what she needs if she doesn't give us the information?  I'm not going to call her to find out."  It's almost rude here to NOT include the gift registry, and its seen as common courtisy to not have your guests guessing in the dark what the young couple needs to start a new life together. So, I just really want to know why this is considered tactless and rude.
Posted by SaraAdam[/QUOTE]

Seems like you've pretty much made up your mind about this. You need our help for... what?

Have fun!

L-Bride

Because it looks like you're pushing them to buy you a gift. I wouldn't do it.....to each their own I guess.

Stackeye210

Well you sure seem to have given every excuse to make it right.  My mom was born in Germany - and I'm in the midwest, and I would never do registry info on my wedding invitation.  Please don't loop all your stereotypes together. 

shannonalise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-registry-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffbbdd70-e1cb-4fa0-9f21-84cc8a7fe41bPost:c8669dca-582a-42a8-b253-860a90e4863f">Gift Registry</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, EVERY wedding book and wedding website I have found says that it is rude to put where you are registered on your invitations and that you have to just spread the word by mouth.  Please, someone answer me why. I live in the upper midwest, very upper.  Most of my wedding invites I have recieved come from Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconson, and then some random ones from Texas, New York, Alaska, and California. But, all of them have had the wedding registry listed.  I'm going to follow suit because that is what people do, and I think it is absolutly ridiculous that people are expected to find out where you are registered by word of mouth.  Living in a very midwest community, with very Norweigan and German backgrounds, people always want to give gifts that YOU want, but in such a community, it is unthinkable to call up a bride or her family to get information they feel should have been given up front.  I remember some old babas and jetiks once were very annoyed that a bride DIDN'T include a registry listing.  I believe one commented "How are we supposed to know what she needs if she doesn't give us the information?  I'm not going to call her to find out."  It's almost rude here to NOT include the gift registry, and its seen as common courtisy to not have your guests guessing in the dark what the young couple needs to start a new life together. So, I just really want to know why this is considered tactless and rude.
Posted by SaraAdam[/QUOTE]

One more thing. I gave what you typed some thought. And I came up with this:

I'd much rather "annoy" someone by <strong>not </strong>providing this information <em><u>unsolicited</u></em> and risk possibly not getting a gift than take a chance on offending someone who knows it is rude to do so and have them talk about me behind my back or think unhappy thoughts about me. 

Not even the red anniversary model KitchenAid Stand Mixer with the glass bowl is worth that.

ashmy211

Why do you discredit your friends and families? Most people are smart enough to check the standard registries for your names... Bed Bath & Beyond, Macy's, Crate & Barrell, etc. etc.  If they can't find you, they will ask you or someone who knows (parents, bridal party).

andy71781

Midwest girl here - I've never seen a registry on the invitation.  My grandmother can call me up to see where I'm registered if she's not savvy enough to figure it out by looking at my website.  Its tacky tacky tacky and the first rule I learned about wedding planning.  People who are coming to your wedding do not owe you presents - nor do they want to feel like they do.

eav2c

AHHH! It's tacky to put your registry info. on your invites because it basically says "I want gifts"... Some guests might not think twice about it--but it could (and probably would) offend at least some guests. I don't care if my whole family wants me to put my registry info. on my invites--I'm not doing it... I don't care about the gifts, if someone wants to give us a gift, I'll be delighted... But, I'm just as delighted to share the wedding day with both my FI and my awesome and wonderful family and friends.

It's flat out rude-plain and simple. It doesn't matter what part of the country you live in, IMO, it's tacky wherever you are... I don't care if your in the west, north, south, east, or SPACE, it's tacky.

ashmy211

On a different note... eav, I really like your picture and you are super pretty.

melissamc2

I really don't care if/when people give registry information.  I don't find a little "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" slip of paper to seem any MORE "expecting a gift" than seeing a gift table set up when you walk into a reception room.

Regardless of what everyone says, yes, people generally associate giving a gift with going to a wedding and yes, couples DO "expect" to get a few gifts out of it all.  If we TRULY did not "care" about gifts at ALL, we wouldn't HAVE gift tables or bother registering or sticking one of those ridiculous "card boxes" at a reception to collect the cards full of cash.

Do whatever you are comfortable with.  If a person boycotts your wedding because of that, they weren't close enough to you to care if they were there or not. 

I honestly think the entire registry issue has been blown way out of proportion by both extreme sides of the issue.  I'm sure there are a lot of us who are in the "I just don't give a flip if they tell me where to get a gift or not" camp.  Sometimes it's just much easier to look on a list and pick, particularly when you're NOT super close to someone but still don't want to look socially inept by not bringing a gift.  I'd be mortified at the thought of showing up at a reception without a gift of some sort, but I guess that's just me.

[Deleted User]

Wow!  You all were totally rude to this poor girl.  I'm Midwestern too, and I do believe that the pretention is that it is poor etiquette, but I've seen it done several times.  I do think that it is tradition to give gifts to the bride & groom as a way of wishing them well for the start of their new life.  Doesn't everyone know this?  While most of us don't care if we get gifts, it is certainly expected.  I have an idea:  let's call bulls*!t and give up the "Miss Manners" act.  Those who are offended by the registry being with the invitation would most likely not be invited to a wedding where the bride & groom include it. 

mel3119

A gift is something that should be given freely, and although most people give them, they don't have to.  The best way to spread the word, registries/gifts are by your families and wedding party.  Now showers...that's a different story because that's the purpose of them...to "shower" the bride with gifts.  Registries, themes (lingerie, kitchen/pantry, linens, etc) can be listed on the invitation and that should be a pretty good hint to start the thoughts of wedding gifts.