Dress shopping and FMIL

harper0813

I love my FMIL - I'm seriously the luckiest girl. She is extremely sweet and supportive of both her son and me. I'm very excited that she's coming to my first wedding gown appointment, along with my mom.

However, due to logistics, my second and third appointments will be just my mom and me. My fiance and I and each of our families live in three different cities. I'm visiting my family for a short while to knock out some wedding things (our venue is in my hometown), including trying on some dresses. I have not yet told my FMIL that I am gown shopping without her this week after our first appointment. She is so sweet and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but work would prevent her from coming to our second appointment this week, and my parents are visiting my fiance and me in our city next weekend and I'm trying on dresses there too, so geography really prevents her from the third appointment. How would you suggest I mention this to her? Should I just invite her and let her decline? I only made these appointments a week ago, so it's last minute for me too (but it would be even more last minute for her!).

I'm really glad, at least, that I'm going shopping with her the first time, since that will be the most exciting/emotional of all the appointments. Anyway, how would you all suggest I breach the subject with her?

arendiva

I wouldn't bring it up to her at all. By inviting her to the first one you are already including her in the process I doubt she would want to go to all three anyway. People have lives and their own stuff to do.

Calypso1977

i dont think you need to say anything.  she'll be happy to be included in any small way and by having her at the first one that counts.

Jen4948

By not telling her.  You're already getting input from her at the first one, and she'll probably be happy enough with that.  If you buy a dress that isn't among the ones she favored at the first shopping expedition, I'd tell her, "I took your suggestions and advice to heart, but I found that this is the dress that called out to me.  What do you think of it?"  Maybe it'll even be based on suggestions she made at that first one.

achiduck

I wouldn't worry about it, you've already included her in the first appointment. I highly doubt she wants to be at every single WR appointment.

harper0813

Thanks, ladies! This is really helpful. For some reason I've been obsessed with not stepping on anyone's toes, and it helps to get your opinions and reassurance that it's not as big of a deal as I was afraid it would be.

Sassenach1743

Agree fully with previous posters. Including her at the first appointment is gracious enough on your part. Do not stress about the other appointments. 

Just a word of advice (from another bride who adores her FMIL and never wants to offend or step on toes) about planning your wedding. There's going to be a little bit of drama somewhere along the way, so be prepared. There is no way around it. I thought I'd escape any wedding drama seeing as both our families are wonderful, supportive and excited for us. Not so fast... Somehow a wedding becomes an emotional sore spot for people and here and there things happen that are taken personally and feelings get hurt, etc. Just be prepared. 

I'm not saying don't enjoy your planning or ask everyone's permission before you make any decisions. Just be prepared to stick to those decisions when people start sticking their noses in your business. If someone's feelings are hurt, work around them and let your family and friends know that you do care for them and their ideas, but your wedding will ultimately be what you want (presuming you're paying for it) and your only hope is for everyone to be there to celebrate. 

Good luck