Can I un-invite?

futurelunt

Not sure what to do in this situation...

A co-worker who I was friends with received a Save-the-Date card for my wedding because she was on the invite list. However, we have since had a major falling out and don't really speak to each other anymore.

Do I still have to send her an invitation? Or can I assume that since she's not speaking to me that she won't be terribly offended about no longer being invited?

daisyamers

that's tricky. did you send save the dates to your entire office? or your entire department? if so, does she work in your department? how good of a friend was she? you might want to have a conversation with her and see how it goes. if she's no longer speaking to you for whatever reason, then i'd see no need to keep her on the invite list. but if you invited the entire department and she is in it, you should.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-i-un-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffcfe96c-187e-4f4b-81b0-76a67e6963ddPost:cad06a76-edc8-469e-ae76-3709ae44d0d2">Re: Can I un-invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would send her one.  If she feels the same way about the falling out as you, she won't come.
Posted by Sylvia Weis[/QUOTE]


This. That way there's no chance of looking like the bad guy.

Peledreamsofrain

The chances of her coming are low.  If you don't invite her, you just give her more ammunition to point at saying 'see?  What a nasty @#$*&quot;  Take the high road, stay classy, send the invite.

AJuliaNJ

For me, it would depend on what the falling out was about. If she hit on my fiance or punched us in the face, or if we felt she would do something to embarrass us at the wedding, I would skip the invite. If you invite her, she could show up.

If it was more of a disagreement, I'd send the invite.

Amyzen83

"For me, it would depend on what the falling out was about. If she hit on my fiance or punched us in the face, or if we felt she would do something to embarrass us at the wedding, I would skip the invite. If you invite her, she could show up.

If it was more of a disagreement, I'd send the invite."

I agree that if the falling out was due to something that could cause some serious drama for you at the wedding, for the above examples, then I wouldn't send her one, but if it was just a squabble, or a major disagreement of opinion, then the right thing is to follow through with the invite to prevent more drama. Does your co-worker feel the same way? Is this something that can be worked out?

Sometimes people just assume that they just fell out of touch, but may not hold any hostile feelings. I'd send the invite anyway, your co-worker can always decline to prevent futher hurt.

walgrrl

My opinion is, be the bigger person and send the invitation.  It's the right thing to do.  If she's still mad, I'm sure she won't come.  On the other hand, she might be touched that you still invited her and use it as an opportunity to patch things up.

Amyzen83

"she might be touched that you still invited her and use it as an opportunity to patch things up."
Great point!