Catholic ceremony or full mass?

kellybee83

I am Catholic, my fiance is Episcopalian.  I was raised going to church every Sunday, fiance maybe went on some holidays growing up, but that's about it.  I've always just assumed I'd get married in a church and my fiance is totally fine with it.  We have the church I went to growing up booked.  I had been told different things about whether we were allowed to have a mass or not.  I asked a priest that my family was close with when I was younger to officiate (he has since moved on and is now the paster at a different parish).  He said we can have a mass.  I forgot to ask him if my fiance can receive communion.  I just assumed he wouldn't be allowed to, but I've read on here about some priests making an exception.  Honestly I thought it would matter to my family that we have a mass.  My parents said it doesn't matter to them.  My grandparents are pretty much my favorite people, they came here from Poland during WWII and have this unwavering faith I admire.  So I figured if they really wanted us to have a full mass (and I thought they would) that would solve my problem.  They said when got married (56 years ago!) the chuch didn't do full masses for weddings, and it doesn't matter to them. 

I can't decide what to do!  Other than communion, what else is there in a full mass that isn't in just a ceremony?  If you are catholic, which are you having(or did you have)? Also how much shorter is the ceremony that isn't a full mass? 

Thanks!!

vjt730

im doing the catholic ceremony so my guests dont have to suffer through mass..

hcer0708

same as above

reese511

the full mass is just TOO MUCH.  if no one cares and its not something thats super important to you...i say dont do it.  its torture for guests - especially those who are not catholic.  i'm catholic and i cant even handle those things!

kellybee83

Thanks ladies!  I know it can vary, but about how long is a Catholic ceremony without a mass?  And other than communion what is taken out?  I was at full mass ceremony in July, but most of the other weddings I have been to recently have had the ceremony at the reception site, so I'm having trouble remembering. 

reese511

i think its like 30-45 min vs. 60+ min...

Laurms15

Its really just the length of communion that changes. Also I was able to honor additional family members by having them bring up the gifts and add in an extra song because I ahd friends singing all of our music.  Other then that it wasn't that much longer then a regular ceremony.

sgdc2011

As someone from a different religion.. do not make your guests suffer through a full mass. 

kristen8040

We're doing the full mass because it's important to our families.  It doesn't really matter to my FI and I. The weddings I've been to have all been full masses and typically took 45 mins, 60 with the receiving line.  If it's not that big of a deal to you or your fam, just do the ceremony.

ahhndrea

My sister had a catholic ceremony and it took about 30 minutes, it was  super quick!

mbcdefg

Can you even have a Mass if your FI is not Catholic? Did your priest talk to you about this yet? (I know that interfaith couples usually cannot have a Mass if one partner cannot receive Communion, but IDK how Episcopalians differ from Catholics in terms of the Eucharist.)

We had a Mass at our wedding, and it only took about 45 minutes. About an hour with the receiving line. And we started exactly on time, so there was no wait. Weddings where the bride is late tend to feel like they go on forever.

It really just depends on how much the priest likes to talk, especially during the homily, and how many rituals you are including (unity candle, flowers for Mary, etc.). I've been to ceremony-only Catholic weddings that took just as long, if not longer, than Mass ceremonies. Our priest was pretty quick, and we also had a small bridal party so the processional was only one song.

gymchick05

When my sister got married, her FI was not Catholic and they had a full mass. My FI is not either and we will also be having a full mass since it means a lot to me.

JerseyML

Me and my FI are having a ceremony.  Both of our families are Catholic but his family didn't care if we got married in a church or on a beach.  My parents, my dad specifically, wanted us married in the church other wise he wouldn't consider it legitimate.  He thinks we would be living in sin and then not get to heaven when we die.  Old school Italian logic mixed in with Catholic gilt. 

So we have decided to go with the ceremony but if my Fiance wanted to do the mass too I would be fine with that.  My family is huge and this would allow us to have more people involved with the wedding.   I would have liked to have a reading done in Italian similar to the way my sister had it but it isn't a big deal. 

Oh and don't forget..most mass weddings I have been to make the bride and groom wait til almost the end to say their wedding vows.  I wouldn't be able to stand that.  I would probably throw up from the anxiety. 

AllieCat16

i did a full mass and it was not much longer than 42 minutes. my DH was only baptized and we were allowed to have a full mass. He received a blessing during communion. do what you want to do, not what you think will make your guests happy. i had actually a very large turn out at the church (i had a friday wedding) and so many people, not even catholic commented on how beautiful the mass was.

Karma01

My husband is not Catholic but we were married in my church. We didn't have a mass b/c of MH and his family but we could have had one if we wanted it,
Everyone loved the ceremony and short and sweet. I still did flowers to Mary which some only do during a full mass.

maybride527

when FI and I met with our priest, he informed us that the full mass is only 10 minutes longer that the rites outside of mass. he also told us that some masses do run longer due to the bride and groom including other rituals such as the flowers for the blessed mother and lighting of the unity candle. some also elect to have three readings when they can choose to do two. 

so there are no real ways to predict how long the church ceremony will be since it depends on what you want to include. 

you should do whatever you think will best reflect you and FI as a couple. don't feel like you need to add more to your ceremony or have less based on other people's comfort. you'll only do this once so make sure you do it the way you want to.

ps - if you need more info you can also check in with the catholic board. it's under the cultural wedding boards section.  i lurk around to find some answers to questions i have about this sort of thing. very helpful!!

quirky75

We're doing a ceremony. I'm a practicing Catholic, but FI and his family are Protestant and FI isn't really practicing.

I was in a wedding where the Bride's side of the family was Catholic, but the Groom's was Protestant and when it came to Communion I thought it was SO awkward. Literally only the Bride's side of the church was getting up to go (since obviously the Groom's side wasn't allowed to receive) so the Groom's side just sat there watching. I thought it was very awkward and decided there was no way we'd do that.

A ceremony won't have the whole Liturgy of the Eucharist like mass does, which will in turn cut out a good chunk of time (10-15 minutes I'd say?)