POLL: What did you call your in-laws when you were engaged?

FutureMrsF111

First names since I started dating FI and until I have children when they will become Grandma and Grandpa

erikag23

once we got engaged i started to call them by their first names.  i don't feel comfortable calling them 'mom' and 'dad'.  and al calls my parents by their first names, too.  calling the mom and dad are just strange to me.

Slento15

the same thing you did.  i started calling them mom and dad when we got engaged (before that it was dr. and mrs.) and i still do that now.  it definitely took some getting used to though.

cknud112

Ditto, Erika

neilly18

I guess for me my Mom always called my dad's mother and father  Mom and Dad and vice Versa - so for me its just seemd like what should be.  But I agree a person needs to do what they are most comfortable with

brad1431

I still don't understand the whole I have one mother so I call one person mom.  No one said cause you call another person mom that she is the one who raised you, and calling someone else mom, doesn't make your mother any less special, so what is the issue with it?  can anyone enlighten me, without using the I was raised by my mother so I will only call one person mom, or no one can replace my mother arguments? Because like I said, calling someone else mom doesnt mean she raised you or that she is replacing your mother

CM1206

Yep, MIL yelled at me. I never called them anything while we were dating. After we had gotten engaged I was leaving her a message and said 'Hey Dottie, it's Cindy'. She picked up the phone calling me disrespectful and how dare I do that to her. It's either mom or Mrs. M. She knows my feelings on calling her mom and I refuse to. She'll be Mrs. M til the day I die. MH's aunts and cousins find it odd that I refer to her as Mrs. M. They all laugh. But my MIL is psycho and everyone knows it...MH, FIL, and MH's entire family. It's like that poll Kate posted awhile back. If MH thought my MIL was a nice person I could have never married him.

Karma01

I don't call them anything if I do, it is Mr and Mrs. I am not comfortable with mom and dad.

Angie550

Brad, it is hard to explain (for me at least).  I am not saying I will never call FMIL, Mom, just not at first.  The word Mom is more to me than just a title/name, there are deep feelings and memories associated to it.  I do not think that it would be like replacing her or anything like that.  There is just more attached to the word 'Mom' for me to call FMIL it, at first at least.  As for Dad, I was not very close with my Dad growing up so I dont have the same attachment to that title and would have no problem calling FFIL Dad.  But Mom, that is a hard one. 

mrs.spunky1508

Ditto Angie. I also don't know how my mom would feel about me calling someone else "Mom" and the same thing with my H calling my mom "Mom". About half the time we see our parents, all 6 of us are together. If I say "Hey, Mom..." who is going to answer me? Both of them probably and then I have to differentiate.

neilly18

CM -- sorry to hear that.  I think you are a much nicer person than I am because if I was in your shoes surely my name for my MIL would be much different than Mrs X

kle0113

Ditto angie also, but it is both my parents.  I am very close with both of them and always have been.  In my mind no-one else is my mom or dad and I cannot call someone else mom or dad.  We are all entitied to our opinions that is what make this world work and just because you do not agree with it does not make it wrong or disrespectful. 

mrs.spunky1508

Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it is wrong for some of us to have those feelings. It also doesn't mean we have to explain ourselves (usually futile when it comes to you, but no matter) When I think of a mom, my mom, certain things pop in my head. My MIL just doesn't fit that image and that standard of what a mom is TO ME. My H has different "standards" b/c of how he was raised and what his mom is to him, so my mom wouldn't fit his view of mom.

Tara2316

I call them by their first names.

mrs.spunky1508

That isn't to say our moms are complete opposites or that his mom was defective as a mother. However, my mom was as much of a homemaker as she could be, considering she had a full-time career. PLUS my dad was a SAHD for much of my life. I had a much different experience being raised than my H did. His mom was a lawyer and she did not come home and cook him gourmet meals every night like mine did. He had nannies and a housekeeper and one of his favorite meals was Stouffers stuffed peppers. It's just different!

CM1206

oh I call her plenty of names haha. Just not to her face. Ever see Everybody Loves Raymond? She's Marie from that show to a T.

brad1431

ok, the word mom is just a word, the feelings you have towards your mother are towards her as a person, not towards her with a title of mom.  so calling someone mom is a title, how you feel relates to a person, not to the title you give them. When I call my FIL dad, i dont think of my father. 

neilly18

HAHA  - I think I am going to have a Marie too but I am going to attempt to call her mom because oddly enough it is important to my Mom that I do that.  My mom wants me to extend our family.  These differences in opinion though are what makes the world a great place

CM1206

oh Brad, why do you have to make things so difficult?

Angie550

I told myself I wouldnt do this but...Ok Brad, you say you would like someone to explain to you why they dont want to call someone else 'MOM', because you dont understand it.  So I explain to you MY feelings on it.  You then imply that MY feelings are wrong... ok, the word mom is just a word, the feelings you have towards your mother are towards her as a person, not towards her with a title of mom. so calling someone mom is a title, how you feel relates to a person, not to the title you give them. Those are YOUR feelings...however, you state them as if they are facts. 

brad1431

I am not trying to make something difficult, I am trying to find a logical explaination to something that I have yet to find.  And to add some fun to it, men think in terms of logic where women think emotionally, so you cant understand why I need to find a logical explaination for this.

brad1431

The word mom IS a title, that IS a fact!!! There is no way around it, it is like Mr. Mrs. sir, madam, dad, mom, aunt, father, sister, brother, all titles.

I <3 Seabass

:: preparing to waste my breath:: Just because you don't think of your father when you say "dad" doesn't mean that she doesn't think of her mother when she says "mom". Like you said women are emotional. So where as you may not have an emotional connection to a certain word there are some women who do.

Angie550

What is not logical Brad, is that you dont understand that people have opinions and they should be respected.  I am sorry that my explination is not logical enough for you.I understand that Mom is a title...however I have certain emotions attached to that word, therefore making it more significant to me than say...aunt, uncle, etc.That is my opinion...

CM1206

Brad, what does your FI call your parents? How does she feel about calling her FMIL mom?

cknud112

LOL, seabass. Brad, there might not be a logical explanation for it, but there doesn't have to be.  Everyone can do what they feel comfortable with whether it's based on logic or emotion.  If you feel comfortable calling your in-laws mom and dad, that's great, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone, logical or not.

CM1206

Here's my logical explanation for this: Everyone has their own schemas (which are cognitive models...fitting things into certain categories...apples and oranges would fit under the fruit schema). And with MOST schemas come an attachment of emotion, often subconsciously. People put together these models through personal experiences. As people go on they're constantly trying to fit things into schemas. Well, maybe my MIL just didn't fit into my "mom" schema. Satisfied Brad?

Angie550

Well done Cindy!

brad1431

cnkud and cindy, that helps.My point is that women think emotinoally, and there is no logic to not call you MIL mom, or FIL dad, but no one admits that.  They make up reasons like I was raised by my mother and I only have one mother and that is the title mom.my coworker said you will never get a woman to admit that it is illogical and that women think more emotionally even in the face of certain logic, which this seems to be.I also think it is a thing about comfort that you are used to only calling this one person by that title.  I think most people who are married say at first they said they would never call them mom and dad, but eventually do.  I wonder how many who now say they wont will also change.My FI, calls my dad, dad.  She says she wont call my mother mom for the whole I only had one mother and that was it, no one can replace ehr, but she has called her mom a few times, I am am guessing that over time she will call her mom as she gets used to it.

crazy4u201

This thread is hysterical! I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one who does not call my in-laws mom/dad or by their first names! My fiance and I have been dating for 6 years and all this time-neither of us called our parents anything LOL I felt awkward calling them by their first names and it didn't feel right to call them Mr. and Mrs. either.. My mom called my grandparents mom and dad and my dad did the same thing.. I would call his parents mom and dad when we get married. It prob will be very wierd at first.. lol but I would do it as long as my fiance did the same!