WWYD- this has a possibility of being MOD in my head

akmackay

So my FBIL and his girlfriend have been on and off for over a year. Just found out last night that they broke up 3 weeks ago "for good". (I knew it the whole time but FI and FMIL insisted they were still together... don't we always know the truth!). Anyway- the issue is that we already sent her parents a STD. The argument went like this last night "Well what are we going to do now? It's bad etiquette NOT to send an invite now but if they come then it will be terrible" "I don't see why you are making a big deal about this. After tonight I won't even think about it. Just don't send an invitation- they wouldn't come anyway" "Ugh you know nothing! I told you we should hold off on sending them a STD I knew they would break up again! And it is a big deal... it's OUR WEDDING" "Can't we just watch the game?" So FI thinks just not to send an invitation to them that they would get it- but wouldn't that be such bad etiquette? Or screw etiquette we have no attachment to them? WWYD? TIA!

caketime

In this type of situation I'd say not to send them an invite.  I would assume they know they are no longer invited.

jtheiss

I wouldn't send an invite. Shiit happens, you know! I'm sure they will understand that since their daughter is no longer in your lives (and not invited to the wedding) that it only makes sense they wouldn't be invited. They wouldn't know another person there anyway, so they probably wouldn't even come. I personally think it would be more rude to send the invite at this point because it's almost like fishing for a gift from people who aren't really a part of your life anymore. And what if FBIL has a new girlfriend by then?? Awkward.

akmackay

OK- I knew I was making more out of this than need-be... I'm actually thrilled that they broke up again and I do hope they don't get back together. Oops!

allymp13

I wouldn't send an invite at this point, but thankfully you have lots of times before your invites go out!

yusi196

I'm not afraid to throw etiquette out the window when ackward situations like these happen. I would not send an invitation.... You dont really owe anything to your FBIL girlfriend's parents.....I mean think about it, how close were you to them?

melissa82

Who knows--maybe they'll get back together before you send out invites! I think I'd probably still send it and let them decline.

Lola Minnie

I wouldn't send an invite.  Also, I likely wouldn't have sent a save the date to parents of FBIL if they were only together a year. That's why save the dates are for your absolute definites not everyone. Regardless, I don't think you owe them an invite if they remain broke up. Good luck!

dianenjnj

common sense would dictate....no invite

I <3 Seabass

I would just send them one and let them decline.

tommynkristen

I would send one and let them decline...I doubt they come anyway.I have a similar story - I literally just asked my brother's GF to be a bridesmaid in my wedding this past Friday - My brother and I have always been super tight so I have become very close to her throughout the years through him....  Well apparently something crazy went down on Saturday and they ended up breaking up!  Damn drunken Halloween nights....   I dont want to ask someone else - I am still secretly hoping they get back together but my brother is saying its over for good.......   Now it will be 6 guys in the BP and only 5 ladies...    What would you do?  I would feel terrible if I ask someone else, and they get back together.  I think I want to leave it 6 and 5 for now and it is what it is...if they get back together - awesome - if they don't, is it really a HUGE deal to not have an even amount?

akmackay

Sending them the STD in the first place was a big argument- me against the ILs. They pretty much told me I had no say in it that they wanted it sent out. I really just want to say "told you so!!" I didn't want them invited in the first place- but that's besides the point. For the BP- we are having an uneven amount- and wayyy too many at that! He has 7 and I have 9... one thing I could change would be to not have that many but once they are asked, there is no going back. If I were you- I would hold off on asking someone else. If it was a drunken Halloween night thing then I'm sure they will get back together before the wedding. If not- then an uneven amount is fine. No need to ask someone you didn't want in the BP to begin with just to fill in the spot.

kewltif

This is why I didn't send STDs to people I was iffy about or thought the situation could change with (like coworkers). You were right from the beginning. Personally, I wouldn't send the invite.