Not being "given away"

derekandtori

I read few a few pages and didn't find this...so I'm hoping one of you ladies will be able to help me. I am a 33 year old second timer. (My second, FI's first). I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, but I don't want to use the archaic "Who gives this woman..." language. I just don't feel that it really fits in this situation. But I also think it seems awkward for him to just walk me down and then sit without any words at all. Do any of you have any ideas for a different wording for this situation? TIA, ladies.

Ninster81

Hi there, I was just in a friend's wedding last night. Her father walked her down the aisle, but had said he "doesn't believe" in the giving away part. So he walked her down the aisle, and when they approached the altar, her fiance stepped down, shook her farther's hand, and then her father joined the bride and groom's hands together. The father kissed his daughter, and then sat down while the couple approached the altar. It didn't seem strange at all, and looked very nice. To be quite honest, I haven't been to many weddings recently that took part in the "giving away" question at all. I hope this works for you.

Leah&Christian09

Our wedding was my first, but I still didn't feel right being "given away" by anyone. I've never actually heard the "who gives this woman" thing in real life. Dad shook H's hand, kissed my cheek, and then placed my hand on H's. No words were exchanged.

mbcdefg

I've also never seen the "Who gives this woman?" thing done at a real-life wedding. Other than TV and movies, I would've had no idea that this was even done at all. I always thought that the bride's escort was someone she really loved and wanted to support her, not give her away like a piece of property. If this is commonplace in your religion or culture, ask the officiant if (s)he can cut that part out. Or maybe change it to, "Who supports this woman in marriage?" and your dad or parents can answer, "I/we do." Or have the officiant say, "Who supports this couple in marriage?" and all of your parents can stand and say, "We do."

handfast4me

Just wanted to let you know that there's a Second Weddings board (that's where I started, as I got married about 18 months ago) and we've all faced some things that many of the first timers don't, so come on over and look around if you'd like!  

Catwoman708

Just leave out the "who gives this woman" part. Many people dislike this, or find it archaic. Your father will not really be giving you away, just escorting you down the aisle. He can walk you down, give you a kiss, shake the groom's hand, and be seated.

derekandtori

Thanks for the responses, ladies. I guess people around here are super old fashioned or something. At EVERY wedding I've been to the minister gives this whole thing about how the bible says that a woman leaves her mother and her father and then says "Who gives this woman..." and the dad says, "her mother and i do..." then takes his seat. I think I will do just like you all have said. Simply have him escort me and be seated.

On_Cloud_Nine

I think what pp have said sound fine, and wouldn't look awkward.I've never been to a wedding where the brides wasn't "given away". But I just wanted to mention that the Bible doesn't say a woman leaves her family. It says that a man leaves his mother and father and will be united to his wife. So that would be really weird if the ministers are saying that the woman leaves...Just throwing that out there!

derekandtori

Eg...I tend to zone out and not really listen.

nefariousmoon

This is what I will be using: Others would ask, at this time, who gives the bride in marriage, but, as a woman is not property to be bought and sold, given and taken, I ask simply if she comes of her own will and if she has her family's blessing.Bride, is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?[BRIDE] Yes, it is true.

T&A430

Every wedding I've been to has had the "who gives this woman" part and I can't stand it. It's not that I'm all into being independent woman or anything; I just don't like the thought of being given away - I want my family to still keep me and there's enough of me to go around Having said that, I will likely use something like "who supports this marriage" if anything at all. I do want my family's support, I don't want them to pass me off like I'll never come back. I'm sure that whatever you decide will be beautiful.

tjett911

I'm using who brings this woman instead of who gives this woman

arp4181

I have friends who got married for the first time and didn't want that said.  They used "Who presents this woman..." since he is escorting you, it is kind of like he is presenting you to your hubby and all your guests.  And the dad normally answered "Her family and I."

StarJay

We are doing something unique but meaningful to us. My dad is walking me down the aisle, I couldn't deny him that special moment, but when we get to the end, both of my parents and FI's parents are all four going to be standing right niext to the two of us. The minister then addresses each of our parent's by name: "Jack, Jill, Sam and Sue, do you the parents of Bob and Betty promise to always uphold them in their love, marriage and faith?" Our parents respond in the affirmative and then FI walks me up to the altar. I liked that it does involve the parent's blessing on the marriage, but doesn't feel like me being given away as much as our families promising to help us be a better couple throughout our lives.

lindyd_03

In my area, everyone also uses "who gives this bride." We are using "who presents this bride..." because it doesn't sound as possessive. It was actually our officiant's idea.

hrchick72

I hadn't really thought about this until I saw your post. So glad you asked the question! I agree with a lot of pp's that I have not seen many that include the 'who gives this woman' part. Seeing all of the pp's gave me some great ideas on how to handle this part with my dad. Thanks ladies!!

katanne9

I've been to a few weddings that say "who presents this woman"... and the wedding i was at last weekend - instead the father saying "i do" he said "her mother, brother and I do"... making it more like a family thing????i don't see why you can't just walk down the aisle, give your dad a hug and a kiss and stand next to your hubby. I don't think it makes a difference if it's your first or second. Have you asked your dad? Maybe he will have a suggestion? or maybe a hug/kiss will be sufficient?

Ashaa23

My father isn't "giving me away" either but he is making a statement. The officiant is asking "who has loved and supported her to this day and will love and support her from this day forward"? My father, mother and brother (who is a bridesman) will all answer. We thought it was a nice compromise...acknowledging the support that your family gives without making me feel like a possession being passed from one man to another!

mizdiz444

I am being given away by my dad and the wording is being used because my dad is old-fashioned and that's what would make him happy.  Being a second wedding, he should just be able to walk you down the isle.  I doubt anyone will notice if there is no wording.  If they bring it up to you, too bad for them to try to ruin your day.  Who cares what your guests think, it's your day.  I think its silly to worry about what other people think when it comes your ceremony.  It is a very personal thing and your officiant (I'm sure) will have several alternatives.  Ours had several wording options for everything in the ceremony so it could be exactly what WE want. 

Angelnieto

Well I am getting married for the second time as well. My dad did not want to give me away because I am already away from home. Therefore my oldest son will be doing this. We will have the wording who gives this woman this man. The answer will be my brothers and I. Mabey you could have them use these words in your ceremony and your father could answer I and her family. This makes everone aware that the family is ok with the wedding.

josie214

Last year I was also debating this dilemma, since I didn't have a father to give me away. I decided to have a non-religious ceremony and implemented poems instead (ex. Union by Robert Fulghum) and had my 11year old daughter walk me down the aisle and added the Rose Ceremony at the end. Good luck.

ks3pink

I cannot imagine a wedding without "who gives this woman"! I can see it for a second wedding and understand that logic but not for a first. It is the most emotional part of the ceremony thinking about the woman leaving the home and her time with her father and going to be with her husband. I have a daughter so maybe that's why it really gets to me!! Its not a possessive thing at all!! It's a wonderful, momentus occasion and all the first timers here should really think about that. 10/10/10 Bride!!

heidilyn22

We are just having our officiant ask "Who supports this couple in marriage" at that point in the ceremony and both sets of parents will stand up and say "we do." That way it's not a giving-away thing, but a support thing. And it's not just about me, but about us as a couple.