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Am I being a brat? Bummed out

Hi Girls!
Sorry for my MIA, Fi and I went to Florida for a few days to visit my grandparents! Now back to this yuky rain!

SO, I know I'm probably being a total brat and letting it get to me, BUT I'm a little bummed out, would others be bummed out or am I just over thinking this too much?

So while FI and I were away, my sister who is my MOH and my mom were busy trying to lock down the Shower date, as well as my FI Best Man was busy trying to lock down his bach date.
My sister sent an email to my FI while we were away saying that the date they were picking was the date of his bach party. I wanted the shower to be a surprise, but my FI was a little bummed that the dates were conflicting, and he asked if I would be upset if he wasn't around for my shower. So I know when my shower is, which okay fine, not a big deal to me, but I am really bummed that he will be away the weekend of my shower. I mean I obviously he wouldn't attend the shower, but it would have been nice to walk in with him at the shower, have him say hello to our friends and family, and then come later and help with gifts and see all the stuff people got for us. My FI reached out to my sister, but it's too late, they put the deposit down on the place, and my FI bach party can't be changed because he has people flying in from all over.
Ugh just totally bummed. Am I over reacting?

Re: Am I being a brat? Bummed out

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    melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I never understood why girls care if their FI comes into their shower. How could anyone could be upset over such a thing? It's really not a big deal whatsoever.

    I don't live in NJ and came back for my shower, so obviously it wasn't a surprise and H wasn't there. I wasn't bummed, but it just wouldn't occur to me that it's something to be bummed about.
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    edited December 2011
    I dont get it either.  Your FI will be there for 5 minutes and then help pack gifts.  Is it really that important to get all upset about?  The shower being a surprise too is crazy to be upset about.  Its a 5 minute excitment because you were soooo surprised.  You know you are having a shower.   There was probably a 75% chance that you would have figured out when it was anyway. 

    I think that you may feel disappointed about all this but get over it.  I mean this in the nicest way possible.  Its a very small thing to be upset about when you look at the grand scheme of things. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't really get why this upsets you, to be honest. You're totally overthinking this.

    A girlfriend of mine was the "decoy" to get me to my shower. FI only came at the end to help clean some stuff up (very, very DIY shower) and pack the gifts into the cars.
    image
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    Reilly626Reilly626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Its bratty, most guys make a bee-line for the door, then come back to help, Im sure you have others to help you. 
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would only be bummed out about the surprise being ruined not about him not being there.
    Yes, fi was helpful carrying the gifts out but other family members could do that instead.

    Perhaps talk to your mom about it and request a different weekend if it really upsets you
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    edited December 2011

    It's not that I expect him to stay for the whole thing, nor want him to, nor does he himself, We just were equally excited about the whole aspect of the shower. He has been very involved and gets pretty into helping out. He was also bummed as well that he would be gone for the event and not able to see his friends and family that were coming in for it since they all live a distant away.

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    edited December 2011
    I'm totally with Lola and going through a similar thing, in terms of the -"Not surprised" thing.  

    BUT - just as many others told me - how do you know this all isn't a ploy to trick you? Ehhhh?
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    jtheissjtheiss member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In a word...Yes. You are being a brat. I have never understood some of the silly things that brides get uptight about on these boards. So you know when the shower is...big deal! You don't know any other detail about it, so virtually every other aspect of the day will be a surprise that you can enjoy. FI won't be there to help carry boxes to the car. Seriously? I had never even heard of this "tradition" until I moved to NJ. Where I come from, bridal showers are all women all the time. Instead of feeling bummed about something so silly, why not look on the bright side that you'll get to have all that girl time with all the important women in your life?
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    edited December 2011
    I pretty much know for a fact FI isn't going to be there and am very relieved.  It's supposed to be a girl thing!
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    edited December 2011
    I see why you're upset but don't let it get to you too much. You get a whole day with the girlies you love- just remember that! And if you want something to be a surprise, just try not to registry stalk :-)
    *~allie~*

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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am a little surprised by some of the responses here.  I do not think you are being a brat, I think you are just bummed.  I am also someone who likes to be surprised and have known about the date of my shower for some time, I was also bummed when I found out.  But as others have said you don't know the details so that will still be a surprise.  So it isn't completely ruined.  

    As for your FI being away.  Honestly I would also be bummed about that.  I feel that him being there to thank the guests is important.  And yes, they are his gifts too, so it is nice for him to be there to help.  I am also thinking that in your case, if your shower is on a sat and he isn't coming home til sunday, you have to go thru the gifts all by yourself or wait for him to get home.  Cause lets be honest you are opening so many gifts so fast, do you think you will remember them all.  No, you get home and take your time seeing what you got.  

    But don't let it stress you out, you still have 5 months to go and trust me bigger things will be stressing you out closer to the wedding and you will have forgotten all about this.  
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_am-being-brat-bummed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:1ad14b88-13ae-432f-b4f1-845c868252a4Post:bc421987-048e-46fb-b767-dae39cfd2d14">Re: Am I being a brat? Bummed out</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a little surprised by some of the responses here.  I do not think you are being a brat, I think you are just bummed.
    Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

    Agree with the above post^^

    I absolutely wouldn't say you're being a brat... kinda harsh and pretty rude (whether you asked if you were being one or not).  I hadn't thought about my FI being around after my shower, but it does seem like a nice way to share in the moment right after the fact (bringing home the gifts together, going through them together, etc).  My only suggestion is to not let it bother you or stress you out too much because what's done is done.  And you have so many other wedding-related events (including the wedding itself and the honeymoon!) to look forward to doing together. :-)  Depending on the timing, if you really want him around or to see the gits, is there anyway you could show him your gifts via skype?  That way he could say hi to everyone really fast and you can show off your loot really fast while the excitement is still fresh!  :-)
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    DMLJDMLJ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i get it... sometimes I have expectations that something is going to happen a certain way and when it doesn't, I get bummed too.  But try to alter your expectations a bit and focus on the positive.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    FI was at his bach during my shower. I missed him helping me carry and unload the car but it was okay. Talk to your mom and let her know what you are thinking
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    imagrl10imagrl10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i just had my shower sunday.  he brought me to it (it was a suprise) and then came at the very end to just pick up the gifts.  i was happy that he made an 'appearance though"
    i have to be honest, when i first read it i saw this as them trying to trick you. maybe i am thinknig of that because i was dealnig with being tricked for the past two weeks before my shower. but maybe this drama is all made up to get you??
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks girl! Appericate it! It guess different reactions for different people and different styles. I'm not giong to let it get me down and bummed, it is what it is at this point, so either way it will be a great day!
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