My fiance's parents were insulted that their names weren't on the invitation, have you seen this?

casschwag11

I'm not sure if this is a regional thing or not but I have never seen the groom's parents names on a formal wedding invitation if the bride's parents are hosting, paying, etc. Apparently, my fiance(who is from Indiana) parents were shocked, upset and then embarrassed that their names weren't mentioned with a "son of " line after his name. After hearing this I did some research and see that some sites list the groom's name as a wording option but i'm trying to figure out if this is a regional thing and that's why I didn't know about it. I do feel bad that their feelings were hurt but I honestly think they are making too big of a deal out of it. 

Do you guys think I really screwed this up and should feel bad?

cvl105

It really all depends on what you want. I've seen both ways and both are right, imo.  I put his parents names too, but others definitely have not.

I'm sorry that they feel bad.  That's a terrible feeling to have upset them, I'm sure.

uppereastgirl

We went with the traditional wording too, and threw in the "son of" line because his parents are nice and it seemed like a nice thing to do -- but it is totally not necessary and they should not be insulted if that isn't what you picked.  It is an option, as you said.

I'd just make sure that their name is in the program and that they get some sort of shout out at the wedding?  But really, if they're insulted it is them being silly.

DMLJ

I did "son of"-- just felt like it was the right thing to do.

ddelo23

I also did "son of"...I don't know if there's really a right or wrong, but I prefered to honor is mom this way.

MandWNJ

I would have done it anyway, but since my in-laws contributed so we did "son of". The way it was worded implies that my parents are hosting the wedding. It was just our preference. I'm sorry they are upset, but I wouldn't stress. come up with another "honor" to give them

Lola Minnie

I did the same as Dana

What is done, is done.  Don't harp on what you can't fix.  Definitely be apologetic that you didn't know it would hurt their feelings - explain how you told us about your parenst hosting.  Srory to hear this & good luck

Reilly626

We honored both parents even though we are paying... they are our parents who raised and loved us our whole lives, I believe they deserve this respect.  Maybe you just weren't thinking?  Well, its done, just apologize and move on.

NJ Jen

It amazes me how people get insulted when others do the RIGHT thing.

This is nothing new. The people throwing the party put their names on the invite. Why would it be anything different?

They are confusing the invitation with the announcement, I think.

Conversely, if they are hosting the rehearsal dinner, are they planning on putting your parents' names on the invite?

felicia220

I think both parents name should be on the invite.  We put both parents names at the top, even though my parents are paying for the wedding, out of respect for FMIL we put her name too.  I don't really care who people think is paying for the wedding, as I said it was more of a sign of respect.  So I can see why your FILs are upset that their name isn't even mentioned on the invite.  I think at this point you need to tell them that you have never seen it any other way and you are so sorry for the mistake.  Oh and I don't think it is a regional thing.  All of my friends put both sets of parents on their invites.

DandT1206

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_fiances-parents-were-insulted-their-names-werent-invitation-seen-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:33057934-481e-4429-91f8-590e8150b64fPost:1453f011-cf24-4531-89af-ddf918789b4b">Re: My fiance's parents were insulted that their names weren't on the invitation, have you seen this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think both parents name should be on the invite.  We put both parents names at the top, even though my parents are paying for the wedding, out of respect for FMIL we put her name too.  I don't really care who people think is paying for the wedding, as I said it was more of a sign of respect.  So I can see why your FILs are upset that their name isn't even mentioned on the invite.  I think at this point you need to tell them that you have never seen it any other way and you are so sorry for the mistake.  Oh and I don't think it is a regional thing.  All of my friends put both sets of parents on their invites.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

i agree with this

stapletond

Even though my parents are hosting the wedding completely, I thought it was respectful to add "son of" to the invitation.  My parents had never heard of this, but liked it. 

We ran into a little hiccup, since his mother has a different last name, but she said we could list her as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith instead of Mr. John Smith and Ms. Adams Smith.  She didn't want to sound divorced.

kewltif

I put both sets of parents names because I wanted to, but I have seen plenty of invites with the bride's parents only.  It isn't "wrong" not to include them.

Like others have said, apologize and move on.  Just tell them that your invitation person didn't explain this to you and you were unaware that the groom's parents names could have been included.

jaimelody

We put both sets of names even though neither are really hosting or paying. I would just apologize. That's all you can do at this point. Let them know your reasoning for not doing it.

smw42

We're paying and put neither parents- just us!

diamondx423

My parents, FI and I will be paying for the wedding. His grandma will be chipping in as well. We're not doing "son of" on our invites, and "grandson of" would just be an insult to his parents so we're leaving that out.

cherylanddan0706

In Response to <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_fiances-parents-were-insulted-their-names-werent-invitation-seen-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:33057934-481e-4429-91f8-590e8150b64fPost:df35b82e-36ae-4a86-b439-7e9671c72c49">Re: My fiance's parents were insulted that their names weren't on the invitation, have you seen this?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're paying and put neither parents- just us!
Posted by smw42[/QUOTE]

This, though I put "together with their parents" that was my own choice, I'm not a fan of the parents being on the invite typically, but obviously would have done it if they were paying.  Personally I would have put my mom on it, but felt it wasn't right to have her and not them.

You can't stress now, its hard but you can't fix it, just apologize.

NJMom050911

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_fiances-parents-were-insulted-their-names-werent-invitation-seen-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:33057934-481e-4429-91f8-590e8150b64fPost:df35b82e-36ae-4a86-b439-7e9671c72c49">Re: My fiance's parents were insulted that their names weren't on the invitation, have you seen this?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're paying and put neither parents- just us!
Posted by smw42[/QUOTE]

Same here and no one was offended. .

ecg129

My parents are paying for most of it...

But that said, what we did was ASKED his parents if they cared. If they had really wanted to be on the invite, I would have been more then happy to put them there. His parents response was - we don't care.... So they weren't on the invite.

I feel like it doesn't necessarily have to do with money but including all families..so it might have been wise to ask. But what is done is done.

TuffysMommie

I feel traditionally there was no "son of" line and that it is a more recent addition. Traditionally, the bride's parents hosted (and paid?), making it so just their names were at the top of the invitation.

Today, I don't feel as if the "son of" line tells who is paying for the event. The invitation should just list who hosts the events.  If both sets of parents are hosting (whatever the term hosting means - paying or not) then I think both sets of parents should be at the top, rather than "son of" below the groom's name.

But my opinion is not always the popular belief - I don't really believe in rsvp cards and would rather formal handwritten responses -   "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith for Sunday, the tenth of August."

-Mr. and Mrs. John Smith being the bride's parents - cause there would be no "son of" line.

In practice though, I'm sure guests are not really forthcoming with their pre-stamped rsvp responses so expecting handwritten responses is really stretching it. I guess then I just dislike how society has become so less formal for major events, but it is what it is!

In answer to the original question, they should not be insulted.

VanessaB24

My dad(ugh and his wife) and my mom are helping pay for some things. But we're mainly paying for a lot of it and we didn't put anyones name on the invite except ours. But if we did we would have like 6 "parents" on there because we both come from divorced parents and EVERYONE would be offended. So as of now no one has said anything to us about not putting their names on it. Too much drama and stress comes from this.