New Jersey

Am I being unreasonable?

So my bridal shower is on Sunday (yay!).. I thought the plan was just for FI to drop me off there and then leave.

Well, I just spoke to my mom (who is throwing the shower for me), and she said that my dad plans on staying there to eat, along with FI and my dad's friend. (I don't even understand why my dad needs to go there at all).
The shower is starting at 12, and the food is being served at 12:30.. and there is no other room for them to hang out in.. so they'd basically be sitting at a table in the same room as the shower, for an hour.

I told my mom I really didn't want FI, my dad, and a random guy hanging out at my shower for an hour.. it might sound bratty, but I just think it is weird/dumb to have guys at a bridal shower.. I know people do couple's showers all the time, but it just isn't for me.. when my mom asked me what kind of shower I wanted, I specifically told her, no guys.

I don't see any reason why my dad needs to go at all, and why FI can't just leave and come back later to help me with the gifts, etc.

This is really bumming me out now. I was looking forward to my shower this weekend, and now, I'm annoyed about all of it, and not looking forward to it at all :(

Am I being dumb in not wanting my dad and FI hanging out at my shower for an hour?

Re: Am I being unreasonable?

  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you can ask FI to offer to bring the guys out to a local restaurant/bar?
  • edited December 2011
    I don't understand what the big deal is at all. My FI is staying the whole time at my shower. My father also needs to keep my grandfathers and other husbands who are bringing their wives from out of town/state occupied - not sure if they will stay at the shower (but in the restaurant area) or go back to my house though, but FI is going to be at my shower for sure because he wants to be and the gifts are for us both afterall. If it bothers you that much, ask them if they can go to a nearby restaurant or something.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's unreasonable to not like this idea, but I also think this isn't a hill to die on. When someone else throws you a party, you may not like some aspects of it but you just have to grin and bear it.

    I think Christin's suggestion is a good one - if they go for it, maybe even buy your dad a gift card to a local place as an early Father's Day gift - but beyond that I would just keep quiet. In the end, does it really matter if they're there? Unless they're making a scene, it's not going to affect you in any way. It's not like all the girls are going to be walking around in their underwear or anything.
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't really see what the big deal is. I am sure they are just going to sit and eat and no one will notice them. Are they leaving once they eat?  
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  • SmidgerSmidger member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just had my shower a few weeks ago (mine was a complete surprise), so FI was there at the beginning b/c he brought me a change of clothes. After that though all the men went to a nearby driving range and hit a few balls then went to a bar for beers/lunch. If the guys are into golf maybe that is an option too!
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  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Here's the thing, if you expect them to help you load all the gifts in the car afterwards, you need to feed them.  Maybe that's what your mom's plan was in having them there.  I know my BIL and brother came afterwards to help and we sent them home with extra food.  With all the other people there the guys will barely be noticed.  It's not like they are going to participate in the games or anything. I think you're getting too involved in your own shower.  Let things play out the way it's been planned and enjoy your day, it's silly to fret over little things like that.
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  • edited December 2011
    We did this at my sisters shower.  She was short people on her minimum an we had a few guys come from out of town with their wives.  We all had a small table out of view in the back and got served lunch.  Once gift opening started, we took a walk.  No big deal....

    At my DW shower, the few guys that were there and the dads and I, we went to cheesecake factory for our own lunch, walked around the mall, and then met back at the place 30 minutes before it ended to say goodbye to everyone.
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  • maddie7maddie7 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow-- yes bratty! I would love if my dad could be there. The best shower I went to ever was co-ed!
  • felicia220felicia220 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't really understand your concern.  So they are going to sit and eat, while you are sitting and eating, and this disrupts things how exactly?  I would imagine once the gift opening begins they will leave, because what man wants to be present for that, hell I don't even like watching people open gifts ( unless its like their 6th birthday or something)  

    I don't know if I would use the word unreasonable, but I do think you are getting upset over something that really doesn't matter.  
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_am-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:85dc898b-810f-44b6-a694-48805c823e7dPost:471db1e5-fa93-4dd3-97d2-c0a6e7d1d59d">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's unreasonable to not like this idea, but I also think this isn't a hill to die on. When someone else throws you a party, you may not like some aspects of it but you just have to grin and bear it. I think Christin's suggestion is a good one - if they go for it, maybe even buy your dad a gift card to a local place as an early Father's Day gift - but beyond that I would just keep quiet. In the end, does it really matter if they're there? Unless they're making a scene, it's not going to affect you in any way. It's not like all the girls are going to be walking around in their underwear or anything.
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    You're right.. and this made me crack up about the underwear thing.. lol

    I talked to FI and he said he absolutely doesn't WANT to stay there at all..so he plans on leaving regardless of what my dad and his friend do.
    I think my dad wants to stay because he is excited about the food at this place they are having it, and he wants to eat it! haha

    I know its definitely not the end of the world, I'm definitely not going to make a big deal out of it to anybody, and I'm not going to tell my dad to leave if he wants to stay. I guess more than anything, it is just frustrating to me.

    To address another comment that was made about having to feed them if we want them to help with gifts... we're talking about FI and my dad, not two random strangers we hired to help us. Since when do we need to feel we owe our FI something if we ask him for a simple favor? Maybe that's how you are in your relationship, but that's not the way our relationship is.
  • kristen8040kristen8040 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't care if it's your family or strangers and it has nothing to do with the type of relationship your in.  If you're having a nice lunch or party and people show up to help you out, you can at least extend a nice thank you and meal.  
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_am-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:85dc898b-810f-44b6-a694-48805c823e7dPost:b2c8a126-1535-47f7-9728-29d0304ae477">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't care if it's your family or strangers and it has nothing to do with the type of relationship your in.  If you're having a nice lunch or party and people show up to help you out, you can at least extend a nice thank you and meal.  
    Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]

    I agree - I don't think it's a matter of them only helping out in exchange for a meal, but rather that it's just a nice way to thank them. Especially if your dad really wants to try the food.

    Look, stuff happens sometimes. I've attended showers for friends in nice restaurants and I've seen some doozies on this board, one that was probably nicer than my wedding, lol. Meanwhile, I showed up to my shower and it was in a church basement with Oriental Trading decorations, invitations printed on that decorative computer paper you get at the dollar store, and a "brunch" that included a disposable pan of scrambled eggs that were cooked the night before. But it was still a party in my honor where people showed up to give me gifts, so I would've looked like the world's biggest ingrate had I said it wasn't acceptable. I would've been <u>THRILLED</u> if my only shower gripe was that a few guys had shown up to eat the food.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_am-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:85dc898b-810f-44b6-a694-48805c823e7dPost:decce2b6-6a21-4bee-a747-b47e294c71ea">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]To address another comment that was made about having to feed them if we want them to help with gifts... we're talking about FI and my dad, not two random strangers we hired to help us. Since when do we need to feel we owe our FI something if we ask him for a simple favor? Maybe that's how you are in your relationship, but that's not the way our relationship is.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    For my SIL's shower, her brother and male cousin dropped her off (she thought she was going to lunch with them), then after saying hello to their family, they left.  Then my brother showed up at the end to pack up gifts.  I'm sure they took home leftovers, but that's because the food was provided by family members, not a restaurant so it was trash or to be brought home.

    I get it, I want my shower to be girls only.  But if your dad really wants to stay, I wouldn't fight over it.  There are bigger issues in life than whether he wants lunch there or not.
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Sorry but I think you're being bratty.  It's ok not to like the idea but it's nothing to fuss over. 
     
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    You will want them there for when you need to carry all of your gifts.  There ended up bring quite a few guys bc my family came from far and husbands drive. DH and the men went to a bar and hung out and came back to pack up.

  • NJhousewife22NJhousewife22 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mine was last weekend and FI and Dad, friends etc. hung at a nearby bar and then came about 20 from the end to say hello and schlep the gifts home. It worked out well for us and he hadn't met all of my extended family so it was nice to have him there for that.
  • goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I think you are being bratty.   So what if there are a few guys there, it is no big deal.  At my bridal shower, my husband and my dad stayed the whole time and it was fine.   This is not something that should make you not look forward to your shower!
  • edited December 2011
    i think that you are overacting a little bit.
    I mean for you to go as far to let the situation "bum you out"  and  for you to say "I'm annoyed about all of it, and not looking forward to it at all " sounds bratty.
    Who cares if they are sitting there. Pick your battles in life and dont make a big deal over little things.
  • StefaniBelStefaniBel member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand you might be disapointed because your shower won't be like you pictured in your head, but at the same time it is not a big deal.  Be glad you have a fiance and a Dad who want to be involved in your wedding (or things that happen before thewedding).
    If you want to have a prive moment with your girlfriends in your shower just spend your first hour eating and talking and then after your father, fiance an father's firend leave you could start opening gifts and doing games...



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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for making me come back to earth about this.. I think I was just stressed about many other things when my mom told me this (FI's dad is in the hospital and just had another surgery yesterday).. so I over reacted.. I just wanted to point out that I didn't flip out about this to my mom or anybody.. I basically came here to vent about it...and that was enough for me to realize that it wasn't that important.(FI still says he doesn't want to be there at all, so he won't be staying, he'll just come to pick me up and help with gifts).

     I think the thing that bugged me the most was that she was talking about some other husband's coming also, who had no reason to be there....and I also know there is no way my dad would just sit and eat and leave.. He'd want to talk to all of his relatives that will be there (I don't blame him).. and he'd start taking over things instead of letting my mom do her thing (that's just the way he is).. but I know this is really not that big of a deal, and I'll be cool with whatever happens. I am still looking forward to my shower tomorrow, and I'm excited about it! Thanks everyone for bringing me back to reality!
  • ginabean82ginabean82 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yea I dont see a big deal about it.  It is only going to be your dad and FI, it's not like everyone is bringing their guy dates.  I would love it if my dad and FI came to my shower, but they never would in a million years even if I invited them...
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