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I'm kinda nervous...

So my dad's wife called me yesterday to invite FI and I over for lunch this coming Sunday. And i've decided to let them know that they won't be sitting next to each other @ the ceremony. I'm a bit nervous to let them because... well i just don't like her and i can see her saying something to my dad after we leave about it and giving him a hard time and then my dad calling me to tell me if i could change the sitting. I want MY maternal parents to sit in the front with my maternal grandmother and younger brother. This is something that i want! I will get all BRIDEZILLA on her ass if something changes. I know what i want to say to them so I'm hoping that what i'll say will make them realize i'm being sincere and not bratty or trying to purposely make things difficult. Just hoping things go well days before Our wedding.. thats all.

Re: I'm kinda nervous...

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    smw42smw42 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sure as long as you stay calm and explain it the way you just said it to us (and not get Bridezilla or emotional) it will go just fine. I think step-moms usually understand that they cannot replace your maternal mom and she'll get that you want your maternal parents next to each other. Just try not to make it personal to her or negative and keep things positive and I'm sure it'll go fine!
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    edited December 2011
    I never heard of assigned seats at a ceremony.
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
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    edited December 2011
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    goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
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    edited December 2011
    Are you at least going to have her sit in the second row?   I don't think its right to tell her to sit wherever, she is your Dad's wife and whether you like her or not, she is going to be in your life in the future, and by telling her that she can't sit near you Dad could do more damage to what already seems like a strained relationship.    Just my opinion, based on what I have read, I obviously don't know all the background here.
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yes she's sitting in the second row behind him. i'm not asking to sit in the last row.
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    smw42smw42 member
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    edited December 2011
    How does your mom feel about all of this? I could see it being tense for her.
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    edited December 2011
    Why not sit her and your dad in the second row?  That's what I am doing with my dad but my stepdad will be walking me down the aisle. 

    Anywho, that wasn't your question or problem.  I have realized with my father that if i am just honest with him he really seems to take whatever it is really well.  (like walking me down the aisle and the second row seating thing) But maybe if your dad and her have a problem you could offer up the idea that they sit together in the second row.  Whatveer you do i am sure ythe conversation will go better than you think it will.
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    goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the previous poster....maybe you can sit your Dad and his wife in the second row together. 
    Someone made a good point, have you talked to you Mom about this?  I know for a fact my Mom would not have wanted to sit next to my Dad at the ceremony.  We had my Dad and Stepmom sit right in the 2nd row, it worked great. 
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
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    edited December 2011
    My mom is fine with this. Just like her b/f is fine with this. Our ceremony is only 1/2 hr long and it won't kill them.

    ffbride- thats what i'm hoping for... that if i'm being honest and not surprising them on the day of with this that they'll understand like i said... that i'm being sincere.
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    edited December 2011

    as long as your mother and father are ok sitting next to each other, this should be fine. if your step mother has a problem with it, explain to her that it important to you. its not like she won't be next to your father at the reception, so i think she can deal for a half an hour.

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    edited December 2011
    cant your parents sit next to eachother in the front row w/ their s/o on the other side? 
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
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    edited December 2011
    diamond- thats why i'm doing it. because its important to me. And thats why she should understand.

     I'll wait until Sunday to see what happends.
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    goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
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    edited December 2011
    BTW--Where is your mom's BF sitting?  will he be sitting in the second row with your Dad's wife?  that might be a little strange for them as well.   
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
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    edited December 2011
    This is now making me feel even more nervous. I'll call my father later and ask him if this is ok. If not i'll put them in the second row. Its done now
    thanks for the input
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    goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
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    edited December 2011
    not trying to make you more nervous....just throwing things out there. I went through this same situation with my parents/stepparents, and the easiest thing to make everyone happy was to have mom/stepdad sit in front row, and dad/stepmom in second row.  everyone was happy and honestly you won't even be noticing during your ceremony where everyone is sitting because you will be so into the ceremony. 

    I do think it is a great idea to call Dad first and talk to him and see what he thinks instead of putting them on the spot on Sunday when you go there to eat that could make things awkward.   Good luck...i am sure it will all be fine!
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    edited December 2011
    I have to politely disagree with your idea of sitting them separate. I think that's extremely rude and your parents probably don't want to sit together anyways.  My parents sat with their spouse...not in the same row.  I think it's weird to ask them not to sit with their spouse or s/o.  Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.
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    PeacefieldPeacefield member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_im-kinda-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:8f094d92-08a0-45d5-9fcd-ababb294f4c0Post:248cf67e-9981-48c0-adf5-b305fb6c9565">Re: I'm kinda nervous...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why not sit her and your dad in the second row?  [/QUOTE]

    That's what we're doing, too.  They should be together.  I want this day to be a happy and emotional one for my parents as much as me.  I want him thinking about me and all we mean to each other.  I don't want him sitting in the church stewing over the fact that he's not sitting next to his wife.
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    edited December 2011

    As much as I understand you would like your parents to sit together it's a little strange. You're forcing two people -who love you  no matter where they sit - to sit next to a person whom they divorced.....instead of having them sit next to a person that they love/have a relationship with. It's the same for me when people have a bridal party table and they all sit together while their So's are forced to sit at another table.

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    edited December 2011
    My parents are divorced and I think that they would feel very weird sitting next to one another (they are both remarried) without their SO. I almost think that  my dad or mom, would rather sit in the second row so they could sit with their husband/wife. 
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    VanessaB24VanessaB24 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i've decided not to say anything and will do what you guy suggested. Dad sits in second row and mom sits in first.
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    edited December 2011
    I didn't comment, because I could tell this was something of a hot-button issue for you (understandable -- it's an emotional thing), but I really, really think that's the best decision, letting them sit together. Kudos for letting it go and taking the higher road.
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    goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I think you are making a great choice!  I think everyone will feel much more comfortable this way.  Remember it doesn't matter where they are sitting, they are there to see you get married and that is all that matters!
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    edited December 2011
    Why not just let them work it out and sit where they want (first, second,etc)
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