New Jersey

Is it rude to have an adult reception only with no kids??

My fiance and I are getting married Nov 2010 and he has a huge family with alot of little kids in it. We are paying for the entire wedding ourselves with no help and I only work part-time because we have a two year old son. At our venue you have to pay for kids at half price which is still expenive ( ages 5 + up ). When my fiance's cousin was asking him about some wedding details he mentioned that we were going to have an adult reception and his cousin got kind of offended because that meant his 5 and 2 were not coming. He said that he couldnt believe that we werent going to have kids there but if we did there would be 30 + kids. I know a couple of people that put adult reception on the bottom of the invite, is that rude??
Thanks for all your help..
  

Re: Is it rude to have an adult reception only with no kids??

  • edited December 2011

    We had an adult reception. Only the kids in the BP there (all 7of them lol), but they left shortly after the introductions because it was a long day for them. We had some of the same issues, but we were paying and that's what we wanted.

    The people with the kids did say "Well, we probably won't come" but in the end, they came.

    I do not think it's rude. I think paying 70+ dollars for chicken fingers is ridiculous!
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  • edited December 2011
    We didn't have any children at our wedding either. Most parents, if they live locally, enjoy being able to go out for a night of fun without the kids.  It should really only be an issue for OOT guests and if they can't come, then oh well.  You just have to expect that they all may not come b/c they can't find a babysitter, don't want to find a babysitter, etc.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No, it's not rude at all. The only way it would be rude would be if you invited some kids but not others. As long as you treat everyone fairly, it's fine.

    Like PPs said, though, there's a chance that some parents will not come if they can't bring their kids. We're not inviting kids, either, and my mom said there are some out-of-state relatives who probably won't come in that case (or only one spouse might come and the other might stay home with the kids). I totally understand and will not hold it against them, but like you said it's just 30 extra people that I can't afford. Just make sure not to give in to anyone, because if you make an exception for one parent, then word will get around and it's a slippery slope.

    According to etiquette, writing "adults only" or "adult reception" on the invite is considered rude - because it implies that your guests are too stupid to realize who the invite is addressed to (even if they ARE that stupid, lol). You are supposed to address the invite only to the people invited (ex., "Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson," not "The Simpson Family") and trust that your guests will comply. If they reply that they're bringing Bart, Lisa and Maggie with them, you're supposed to call them and explain that it's just for the two of them. Some people here said they've written "Adults Only" and it worked ... I'm not personally a fan, but do what you gotta do. 

    Some people also personalize the RSVP cards. If you are DIY'ing, this is another option:

    Mr. Homer Simpson __ accepts   __ declines
    Mrs. Marge Simpson __ accepts  __ declines

    Some people also do something like, "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" to try and keep them from adding their kids on. But the downside to this would be if Homer couldn't come, and Marge could reply that she's bringing Bart instead. And if you were to argue that you don't have room for Bart, then Marge might reply, "Well, you SAID that there were two seats for me. And since Homer can't come then I'm bringing Bart in his place to fill that second seat." And that could leave you without a leg to stand on.

    The key is to just stand firm. Like Kristen said, a lot of people who said, "I won't come if you don't do XYZ" are bluffing. And if they're not ... then oh well, you don't need them there anyway if they're going to be manipulative and uncooperative. An adults-only night is not an unreasonable request. I'm sure you as a parent would appreciate a date night once in a while ... I know I would! :P
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  • noonescookienoonescookie member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    When I was a child, my aunt and uncle had a reception with no kids. They hired a babysitter to watch us (although I think there were only about 10 of us) at a nearby friend's house. It was really boring for me, but it allowed my parents to enjoy the evening without worrying about us. I'm not sure if they paid, or just offered it as an option and had the parents chip in if they took advantage.
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  • Kelly123TimKelly123Tim member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    it's not rude.

    what i would suggest though is to explain your reasons to your parents. the 2 people that complained about no kids chose not to say anything to me but to complain to my mother. she knew the deal and totally agreed with us and she quickly shut them down.
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I personally think putting "adult reception" on the invitation is rude, because adults should know that the names on the envelope list all of the invitees (so I think it is condescending to assume that they're uncultured enough to not know how to respond to a formal invitation).

    But no, having an adult reception is not rude.
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  • kle0113kle0113 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Having an adult reception is not rude at all, but putting it on your invitation is.  Like uppereast said people should know who is invited just from the names on the invitation.

    We had an adult reception only with the exception of our nieces and nephews.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ditto PP's.

    I think it's acceptable to put it on your wedding website that you're having an adult-only reception (if you have a website) 

    That's what we did...

    but, yes, it is a faux pas to put "adults only" on the invitation/related inserts. 

    good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    No it's not rude at all.  DH and I insisted no guests under 13 years old and our relatives with kids just got babysitters on wedding day. They appreciated the chance to enjoy the ceremony and reception without having to keep an eye on their kids.
  • Kelly123TimKelly123Tim member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i'm just now realizing this is a two part issue.

    yes, i think putting it on the invitation is rude. if you adress it without the children's names people should get the point.

    but no, having adults only is not rude.
  • edited December 2011
    I am planning a Friday night wedding and do not want kids there. This really only affects a few people, as most of our guests are young or old -- not a lot of middle-aged guests.

    I wanted to give them more notice than the invitation to get a babysitter. Since it is a Friday, I thought it would take more planning. I was thinking of just sending out a note with the save the dates of the families it would affect.

    Would you ladies recommend a more word of mouth thing?
  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://northjersey.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_rude-adult-reception-only-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:95f9b7b2-6760-4ec7-9a1c-2597fb9bb44dPost:3dab80fb-a4df-4b41-b392-7605b27ce78d">Re: Is it rude to have an adult reception only with no kids??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am planning a Friday night wedding and do not want kids there. This really only affects a few people, as most of our guests are young or old -- not a lot of middle-aged guests. I wanted to give them more notice than the invitation to get a babysitter. Since it is a Friday, I thought it would take more planning. I was thinking of just sending out a note with the save the dates of the families it would affect. Would you ladies recommend a more word of mouth thing?
    Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, they'll get their invitations 7-8 weeks before the wedding, which is likely plenty of notice.  I wouldn't put a note in the STDs because I don't know that there's a polite way to phrase it (unless you were taking care of the babysitting, in which case I'd maybe put a "we'll have a babysitter for your child" note).  I would make sure that the STDs state only the adults' names... that may prompt them to ask for clarification if that isn't clear to them.</div>
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