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Is it too soon to ask my friends to be BM's?

Here is the story, I would like to ask my best friend, future sister in law, and close friend to be my bridesmaid's. My wedding is not until Sept, 2013 so I know that I have a long time.

The reason I think it may be good to ask now is that my close friend will likely be moving to another country in September of this year. If she accepts my offer I would like to be able to do some general dress shopping before she leaves. That way all she would have to do as a BM would be show up on my wedding day.

The other two ladies are my best friend from college who I would ask to be my maid of honor, and my fiance's sister (I was a BM in her wedding). I don't foresee my relationship with either of these ladies changing.

Looking for your honest feedback. Thank you!
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Re: Is it too soon to ask my friends to be BM's?

  • I asked all of my bridesmaids 14 months out.  I think if you wait it almost looks like it was a second thought.
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  • I wish I would have waited as I asked two girls that I was very close to when I had my old job....now that i've switched jobs, we rarely speak so its kinda awkward.  I asked them 16 months out.
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  • jcg98jcg98 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    One of the TK party lines that you'll see on other boards is to wait until less than a year to ask your bridal party.  In some cases this is good advice, but I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all mandate.

    We got engaged in Feb. 2010, and asked our BP within a couple of months - well in advance of our Nov. 2011 wedding.  With the people we were asking, there was no question of our relationships with them changing.  It sounds like you are in a similar situation. 

    Good luck!

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  • lauraminnlauraminn member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    I cross-posted this on the Wedding Party board and the responses are almost opposite! 

    I think I will definitely wait a few more months, but maybe not as long as the general advice suggests. 
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  • I asked mine in November when I got engaged and my wedding is in April 2013.
    Asking this early also gives them time to save some $$$. Being a bridesmaid is an expensive honor!
  • OP, you will never 'foresee' your relationship changing. If you did, you wouldn't ask them. The biggest issue with asking so early, other than the super obvious ones of what if you're not friends anymore, is what if their circumstances change? They may say yes now, but then what if they lose their job? Move? You have to change your day & they can no longer make it? Whatever it is, something can happen that could mean they can no longer do it. That's super awkward for the person & then heartbreaking for you.

    My former MOH got engaged and the very next day asked 10 women to be BM (over 1 yr out). 3 weeks later her & her FI broke up. It was hell for her to tell all 10 of these women that her wedding is off. You can imagine the bombardment of questions since some were eager beavers and already started planning parties for her. It's so much better to wait until things are more solid before asking.
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2012
    We asked our bridal party 1.5 years out and DH wound up with a best man he no longer had contact with.  They only spoke on an as needed basis for wedding stuff.  I doubt we'll ever hear from him again now that we're married.
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  • I asked my three sisters, 2 sis in laws and best friends for 14 years to be my bridesmaids when we got engaged in May 2011... We are getting married in Oct.  I was pretty positive that those relationships weren't going to change so thought why not.  I agree with pp's.... I probably would have waited a while longer if they weren't basically all family. 
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  • Better to wait about a year out from the wedding - you never, never know all the crazy crap that can happen even with family (trust me).  
  • Definitely wait until a little before the year mark. People who you never expected to surprise (aka disappoint you) will.
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