"B" List Poll

shoebie

Do you have a B list?

B List = Second round of invites that will go out depending on how many "no" responses you get?

diamondx423

I voted "yes" but its more like "sort of". Its a few of my moms co-workers who we'd love to invite; but we're maxed out on the capacity of the room so we need to wait and see.

Danes983

Had one, it was long, and then as time went on it ended up being small, we just decided last minute we should have invited certain people, but didnt before. 4 couples to be exact. They all came in the end. no big deal.

Giaspo

If our invitations had come in on time we would've done this... and looking back I wish we had pursued it a bit more as we almost didn't make our minimum.  (Invited 204, minimum was 125 and we had 127)

ginabean82

i voted no.  This is because a lot of people will wait until last minute to reply "no", and when you  send a b-lister an invite a few weeks before the wedding, they know they are a b-lister.  I know if I got a b-lister wedding invite I would be offended and reply with "no"

bereasonable2

Yeah, I don't like the whole "B list" thing. If they're not close enough to you be on the A list, why bother inviting them at all?

cindyn9178

We didn't originally have a b-list, but after we started getting back a lot more No's than we anticipated, my dad decided to invite a bunch of people from his work. They had no way of knowing they weren't originally invited, because A) they didn't know anybody else invited so wouldn't know that the invites had already been sent out and I had originally sent our invites out pretty early, so it didn't look like their invites were late or too close to the RSVP date when they received them. In the end, none of those people came to the wedding anyway!

37 Butter Knives

When you're paying so much per plate and have to fulfill a guest minimum, B-lists can be inevitable. We once received an invite late, and there was no doubt we were B-listed. We accepted - we got the impression that the couple had fallen short of the guest minimum. We weren't offended either - we just went and had fun, and we weren't bitter that the couple (or their parents) would have preferred others in our place. And yes, we had a B-list. What we did was order two sets of response cards with different deadlines, so people wouldn't get wind of it so easily.

bereasonable2

That seems more the reason to make sure you have an idea of your A (only?) list and then find the venue that will accomodate.

Seems like most people choose a location and say, "Yeah, I have that many close friends and family to fill up 150 seats."

37 Butter Knives

Unfortunately, you should know that the overwhelming majority of venues here have a 150-guest minimum. Our families know a lot of people, and we couldn't predict the high number of declines.

We got married on April 30. In my parents' circle are two couples who also had kids getting married that same day. In addition to those two couples, there were friends in that circle who preferred to go to those other weddings instead.

We also lost eight potential guests because as it turns out, they had kids who were having their first communions that same day. (When I had mine years ago, it was in mid-May, not late April, but I guess they're doing it earlier these days).

I'm not proud that we had a B-list, but it was a necessary evil.

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:1fcb7ac0-7477-4f4c-88cd-26440e7e806f">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]That seems more the reason to make sure you have an idea of your A (only?) list and then find the venue that will accomodate. Seems like most people choose a location and say, "Yeah, I have that many close friends and family to fill up 150 seats."
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
Yes, but it is impossible to know how many people are actually going to come, and you cannot invite more people than what the venue will hold.
It was looking like we were going to be short 20 people at point, so we invited another 10 shortly after the original invitations went out.
Our venue minimum was 125 and we invited over 200 people so we figured we'd meet that minimum with no problem, but unfortunately that was not the case.

bereasonable2

Couple points I want to make - no one says you need to have your wedding reception in a location that traditionally has a minimum. Miniums are typically required by banquet halls and reception venues.

We personally have a group of tight friends that I KNOW will be at our wedding. There maybe a conflict here or there due to work travel, but if they can be there, they will be there. Same goes for family.

It's when you pick a venue that requires a "minimum" you start to invite extraneous people that don't need to be there. My rule is if I or they were in the hospital and I or they wouldn't visit, they're not invited.

My friends have had weddings with 100 people. All close and tight knit friends and family. With almost 100% acceptance rate. Some of the best times we've had.

If you invite over 200 people and not even 125 show, sorta tells you how good of friends/family they are.

I think I've said this before, but if I have a 50K budget, I'd rather spend $500 per person and have the best freakin party for my closest 100 friends and family than skimp and spend 150/person for 100 people plus 200 acquaintences, 7th cousins,or people that I thought were friends.

But, that's just me.

rlavach

I do have a B list and like many of the PP, these are people who have no friendship or relation to the others who are invited, so they won't even know. I'm having a smallish wedding (80 minimum) and currently have 90 on our list. We haven't even sent out invites yet & already know that 2 can't come. Since I'm not inviting a lot, I'm not expecting a lot of no's. But just in case, I have a 2nd list & plan on sending them early. 

Although I wanted one of the bigger more glamorous reception halls, we couldn't come anywhere near the minimum without inviting a lot of acquaintances, which I'm not crazy about. 

I've also received a late invite to a wedding where I KNEW other's were invited earlier. I knew I was B list & honestly was shocked I was invited at all! I also took it as an opportunity to have a good time with friends. We're still friends now.

On a side note, on 3 occasions I've been a last minute seat-filler. As in, invited the morning of by a friend of the bride/groom. Yet again, I went & had a blast!

bereasonable2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:55530a20-33a6-45c9-b87e-17f7ec2a9ae7">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]I do have a B list and like many of the PP, these are people who have no friendship or relation to the others who are invited, so they won't even know. I'm having a smallish wedding (80 minimum) and currently have 90 on our list. We haven't even sent out invites yet & already know that 2 can't come. Since I'm not inviting a lot, I'm not expecting a lot of no's. But just in case, I have a 2nd list & plan on sending them early.  Although I wanted one of the bigger more glamorous reception halls, we couldn't come anywhere near the minimum without inviting a lot of acquaintances, which I'm not crazy about.  I've also received a late invite to a wedding where I KNEW other's were invited earlier. I knew I was B list & honestly was shocked I was invited at all! I also took it as an opportunity to have a good time with friends. We're still friends now. On a side note, on 3 occasions I've been a last minute seat-filler. As in, invited the morning of by a friend of the bride/groom. Yet again, I went & had a blast!
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You sound like a pretty cool, down to earth lady. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />

</div>

garbasaurus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:fa77006f-e099-4549-b29f-fa204d3cd32e">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I don't like the whole "B list" thing. If they're not close enough to you be on the A list, why bother inviting them at all?
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]

In my case, it's budget restraints.  We'd like to keep around 100 guests.  I have a rather large family which means some of my friends who I would like to see there may have to sit on the "B list" until I get enough No's to fit them in.  It's not always about lack of closeness or not finding a venue that fits enough people.

kristen8040

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:fe19b6bc-6ab5-4557-9c9a-442e094028ab">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Couple points I want to make - no one says you need to have your wedding reception in a location that traditionally has a minimum. Miniums are typically required by banquet halls and reception venues. We personally have a group of tight friends that I KNOW will be at our wedding. There maybe a conflict here or there due to work travel, but if they can be there, they will be there. Same goes for family. It's when you pick a venue that requires a "minimum" you start to invite extraneous people that don't need to be there. My rule is if I or they were in the hospital and I or they wouldn't visit, they're not invited. My friends have had weddings with 100 people. All close and tight knit friends and family. With almost 100% acceptance rate. Some of the best times we've had. If you invite over 200 people and not even 125 show, sorta tells you how good of friends/family they are. I think I've said this before, but if I have a 50K budget, I'd rather spend $500 per person and have the best freakin party for my closest 100 friends and family than skimp and spend 150/person for 100 people plus 200 acquaintences, 7th cousins,or people that I thought were friends. But, that's just me.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Dh's entire family and friends are out of town, many across the country.  Just because they can't afford to a plane ticket or taking time off from work, doesn't make them some random person you invited to meet your minimum.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, our parents invited a few of their friends and close family members.  Are these people expected to come to my hospital bed? No, but these people probably would for my parents and our wedding was just as important for them.  

</div>

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:240b5754-479f-4603-a772-be8c190c8650">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "B" List Poll : Dh's entire family and friends are out of town, many across the country.  Just because they can't afford to a plane ticket or taking time off from work, doesn't make them some random person you invited to meet your minimum. <strong>Also, our parents invited a few of their friends and close family members.  Are these people expected to come to my hospital bed? No, but these people probably would for my parents and our wedding was just as important for them.  </strong>
Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with you 100%.

Bereasonable - your comments are completely ridiculous.

We have a very large family, so the 200 people we invited were all close family members that we wanted to invite to the wedding. Those numbers had absolutely NOTHING to do with the minimum we needed to meet. Heck, we met the minimum 125 people just inviting immediate family and very close friends alone. My father has a large family and in their family they ALWAYS invite all of the first cousins (my second cousins), so that added like another 50 people to the list. DH's family is small, and unfortunately only a handful of them attended the wedding. (most of his aunts and uncles and cousins didn't come). THAT was the reason that we got a much lower headcount than anticipated.

That being said, the majority of wedding locations in New Jersey DO require a minimum, unless you have a wedding in your backyard, or somewhere that you can cater the food yourself, which generally is not the norm in this area. (Yes, it is done of course).  And it isn't as though we found a place we liked, found out the minimum and then just picked random people to fill up the guest list. We had the guest list decided a month before we even looked at venues, so we would know what budget we needed to stick to.

My parents also paid for the reception and therefore we left it up to them as far as who they wanted to invite, since it was THEIR money and not ours. Sure, if my mom wanted to invite someone that I didn't think was necessary, then I spoke up about it, but in the end, it really was their decision. I was their first daughter to get married and if they wanted to invite 500 people, that is their choice.

As far as the "B list" that I mentioned above - my dad had been invited to the weddings of two of his co-worker's children's weddings a couple years ago, along with one of his coworker's that got married, but since then he had retired, and wasn't sure if he wanted to invite them or not. When it looked like we had a little more space in the guest list, he added them, no big deal. It doesn't mean that they were any less important than anybody else on the list.

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_b-list-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:a3125e25-2e0a-4a42-afd4-9a5e0755611bPost:fe19b6bc-6ab5-4557-9c9a-442e094028ab">Re: "B" List Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Couple points I want to make - no one says you need to have your wedding reception in a location that traditionally has a minimum. Miniums are typically required by banquet halls and reception venues. We personally have a group of tight friends that I KNOW will be at our wedding. There maybe a conflict here or there due to work travel, but if they can be there, they will be there. Same goes for family. It's when you pick a venue that requires a "minimum" you start to invite extraneous people that don't need to be there. My rule is if I or they were in the hospital and I or they wouldn't visit, they're not invited. My friends have had weddings with 100 people. All close and tight knit friends and family. With almost 100% acceptance rate. Some of the best times we've had. <strong>If you invite over 200 people and not even 125 show, sorta tells you how good of friends/family they are.</strong> I think I've said this before, but if I have a 50K budget, I'd rather spend $500 per person and have the best freakin party for my closest 100 friends and family than skimp and spend 150/person for 100 people plus 200 acquaintences, 7th cousins,or people that I thought were friends. But, that's just me.
Posted by bereasonable2[/QUOTE]
And for the record, there were multiple sicknesses in the family at the time of our wedding, including DH's father being diagnosed with cancer, which affected the RSVPs as well. So maybe you should think before you  make these rude assumptions.