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Bridal shower

I have already posted this on the etiquette but I wanted to see what the local girls thoughts were.   So I already know when my shower is and it lands on the same day as a "Flatland Jam" (Flatland is a form of BMX bike riding, which my FI loves)  No one knows except my FI and my brother that I figured out when the shower is.  Fi will be there to bring me and greet everyone and thank them for coming.  But if he goes to the "Jam" he will not be there at the end to help with the gifts.  I don't mind this AT ALL.  I feel that I will be having this great shower and enjoying the day, so why shouldn't he be doing something he loves. 
Now for the Problem:  Our mothers.  My mom doesn't know about this but he called his mom and asked if she minded and she said yes (long story short).  I know that both our mothers will feel that he should be there, but if I don't care, should they?  What do you girls think? And do you think there is anyway I can make this happen for him?  
TIA

Re: Bridal shower

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    edited December 2011
    I think it's completely up to you and there's no reason why he NEEDS to be there at the end, especially if he's going to stop by in the beginning to say hi.  If you both don't mind the fact that he won't be there, then there's your answer.  :-)  I wouldn't worry about what your mothers think.  You have your shower, FI has his Flatland Jam, and your mothers will just have to understand that it's your wedding, your shower, and your decision. 
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    jtheissjtheiss member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell him to go. And I probably just wouldn't make a big deal about it with the mothers. Have him drop you off at the shower and when it is over let them know that he won't be able to pick you up and that you're fine with that. Maybe arrange with a BM who you trust in advance, tell her you know when the shower is but not to tell anyone and ask if she would drive you and your gifts home afterward. Act first, apologize later. That's my motto.
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    edited December 2011

    MH didn't come to the beginning, end, or middle of one of my showers. I think it's stupid that people think they "have" to be there.  You're adults, you shouldn't have to ask your parents permission.

    ~Chelsea~
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha, I wish I could act first, apologize later. Except I have a problem with always being right so I never think I have to apologize.....hahaha

    I don't really care what any of them say to me, I can handle it.  But FI doesn't do well with women, esp our moms, being upset with him.  See I can go to my mom, tell her my decision and tell her to get over it.  But he can't do that for some reason.  

    There is really nothing I can do before hand, otherwise they will know, I know about the shower.  I am just trying to figure out a way, that day of, I can make this happen for him.  These "Jams" don't happen often as Flatland is not a popular sport and the next one isn't until June 26th, OUR WEDDING DAY, so obviously he can't go to that one.  

    He said he doesn't care anymore, that if he can't go, he can't go. But I CARE! I want him to go and have a good time.  
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    jtheissjtheiss member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell him to go and tell him YOU will handle the angry mothers. Now I personally REALLY want him to go because I hate when people don't get what they want because other people are being ridiculous.
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridal-shower-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:b38af8bd-f6ca-4ba0-8df6-cec2d53a7722Post:cca06dc3-8461-426d-b643-926a2984ae74">Re: Bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell him to go and tell him YOU will handle the angry mothers. Now I personally REALLY want him to go because I hate when people don't get what they want because other people are being ridiculous.
    Posted by jtheiss[/QUOTE]

    <div>hahah Thanks, I love that TK girls are now rooting for him! </div>
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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, he has to deal with his mother and if she's mad and him, she's mad at him.  He can decide how mad she'll be and whether the wrath is worth it.

    My husband didn't touch my shower with a ten-foot pole.  He helped me unpack the car when I got back to our apartment, but my bridesmaids helped me pack up the car.  And I've helped the bride pack up the car at the several showers I've been to where the groom hasn't been there.  (In fact, the groom has never been at a shower where I've been a bridesmaid.)
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    melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't get it. Why would you have to tell your moms? He should just say, "Sorry, I already have plans for that afternoon." It's not like they consulted him on the date when the picked it so it's kinda crazy that they think he should drop everything to make a shower appearance.

    It sounds like you both give your parents a bit too much control over your lives.
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Melissa, I completely agree.  We should have just said, nope he won't be there because of prior plans.  And called it a day.  However, I still think they would have been upset and probably asked him to change his plans to he could be there.  

    As for our lives,  they only started doing this when we got engaged.  I think we have given them too much control over the wedding.  In normal life, when we say no, it usually isn't an issue, or at least not like this.  But they still accept our decision.  But when it comes to wedding stuff, not so much.  


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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridal-shower-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:b38af8bd-f6ca-4ba0-8df6-cec2d53a7722Post:f10a49ac-00ef-4ce3-939d-7ee5e3d5a0cd">Re: Bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't get it. Why would you have to tell your moms? He should just say, "Sorry, I already have plans for that afternoon." It's not like they consulted him on the date when the picked it so it's kinda crazy that they think he should drop everything to make a shower appearance. It sounds like you both give your parents a bit too much control over your lives.
    Posted by melissa82[/QUOTE]
    I agree completely. If they wanted him there so badly then they should have consulted him on the date instead of planning it and then getting pissy that he can't go. Let him do his thing, and you enjoy yours. His mom will just have to get over it!
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Whats funny about all this, is that if anyone should care it should be me. And being that I don't, I don't want to give in.  Whereas my FI is like "oh whatever, I'll just do what they want"  Me "No, they need to get over it!"  hahaha  I told my mom when I got engaged that I was giving myself 5 bridezilla cards to use as I please....started as a joke.  But now I think I need to pull one out!

    Thank you all for your response, it just helped me to realize that we aren't being crazy for not caring if he is there.  

    I have also have only been to one bridal shower were the guy showed up at the end.  So I don't see what the big deal is.  
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridal-shower-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:b38af8bd-f6ca-4ba0-8df6-cec2d53a7722Post:d3bf4d9e-4940-4845-aa0d-4d0ab55b82a0">Re: Bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whats funny about all this, is that if anyone should care it should be me. Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridal-shower-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:b38af8bd-f6ca-4ba0-8df6-cec2d53a7722Post:20ef9482-3d57-4ad0-af4b-420c8232e7f7">Re: Bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower :
    Posted by yusi19[/QUOTE]

    This is how I feel about another issue I'm having.
    Like Melissa said, if the moms didnt check with him before hand about the shower date, why would they expect him to drop his plans?

    It's nice that he will show up at the beginning and greet everyone but it's not a MUST for FI to be at bridal showers.

    Start telling the moms and BMs that you might need help if FI is working (or car is too small, or what if he doesnt feel well that day?,etc, etc)  the day the shower takes place, whenever it is that it takes place (make it sound like you dont know)
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    melissa82melissa82 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am like you, sometimes I just feel like I have to prove a point. And I feel like nipping it in the bud now will help your parents realize they need to back off....maybe? =)
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    leah2bleah2b member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As one of the posters said above, have him go to his event and, if really neccessary, apologize after the fact (sometimes easier to seek forgiveness than get permission).  The mother will get over it and it will be but a blip on the wedding radar. I would say, don't discuss it with them in the meantime unless you intend to tell them that he will not be attending.
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