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Choosing MOH/BM - Advice?

FI and I would both like to have our 3 siblings and 3 friends in the wedding -- comes out to a BP of 3 guy friends, 3 girl friends, and 6 siblings.  The issue we're currently running into is that we cannot choose a BM/MOH.  We love all our friends equally for different reasons and are having a ridiculously hard time singling one out as "our best friend" or whatever quality makes someone get that title.  Asking a sibling is out, as neither of us has particularly tight bonds with our siblings.  We would be fine with not having a BM/MOH, but also understand that they have traditional "duties" which, as my mom keeps pointing out to me, should be carried out by someone without leaving them to decide amongst themselves (i.e. toasts, etc).  So basically we're stuck.  Any advice?

Re: Choosing MOH/BM - Advice?

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    Laurms15Laurms15 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't feel like you have to conform and choose one MOH. There isn't any reason to do that. Do what makes you happy and don't feel you have to choose between your girls.

    The way you can deal with things like toasts is that you can ask one bridesmaid who you know enjoys public speaking to do it. Then ask one of the other girls to be the one who holds your bouquet during the ceremony, then ask someone else to be in charge of learning your bustle. Then they all have a specific role. I'm not sure what other things there are to worry about. As you know they aren't required to throw a shower but if they decide to do it they can all do it together. There doesn't need to necessarily be a MOH to "be in charge"
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    jtheissjtheiss member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. I have two sisters and could never choose between them for MOH, so they are both MOH. I was also in a wedding a few years ago with no MOH or BM and everything was fine. Actually, the girls did a joint toast where we all read two or three lines and the person who was the best public speaker kind of organized the whole thing. The guys wrote a song for their toast that they performed. Give each person a job so that they all feel special and trust that since they all love you they will do what they can to make your day special. You might be surprised what they come up with if they aren't all sitting back waiting for the MOH/BM to do everything.
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    edited December 2011
    Tell your mom techincally the only "duties" they have is to get a dress and show up.  You don't need to choose a MOH/BM.  You can have them all be part of your BP which is what we did and that's how they were designated on the program - bridal party, groom's party.  We didn't want to choose between siblings and friends so we didn't.

    As for who holds your bouquet, the person you put next to you. 
    Who does the toast - they can figure that out unless you want to ask someone.
    Bridal shower and bparty - it all gets figured out.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto caketime.

    The only "duties" you can divvy up are the toast, signing the license, and doing the ceremony stuff (standing next to you, holding your bouquet, straightening your train, etc.). You can't assign someone to plan a shower or bachelorette ... whoever might want to do that will step up and plan them.

    Just tell your attendants, and your mom, that you love all of them equally and could never choose between them, so you will not designate a Best Man and MOH. If Mom argues with you, just say, "Don't worry, it'll all work out," then change the subject or walk away.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    agree with pp... I don't have a MOH. I couldn't choose between my friends. My FI has 3 BM- his 3 brothers b/c he couldn't choose. To each his own! My BM have divided up the tasks on their own- one has taken on the shower, two the bachelorette party, another has told me she is going to be "fixing me" during the ceremony. You don't need a MOH... but in my case I guess I kind of refer to all my girls as MOH b/c they are all taking on different "tasks". GL and don't feel like you have to choose one just for tradition/for your mom!
    *~allie~*

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    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much for all the advice -- I already kind of knew what you all said, but needed that outside verification to make me feel like it's ok to not have a MOH or for FI to have a BM.  I know I can't ask anyone to throw parties and definitely wasn't planning on it, but I know both the girls and guys are excited for that stuff and already have plans in the works so I'm not concerned about that :)  I'm sure other things will go equally as smoothly.  My mom keeps saying that "you can't let them fight it out themselves over who's doing the toast, etc" but knowing my friends, there will be no fighting, they will all divvy things up amongst themselves or I can ask people to take on different responsibilities.  Thanks for all the reassurance that it's ok to not do a "traditional" party, and I know it will all work out!
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    edited December 2011
    id still go with family, pick whatever sibling you are closest with
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    edited December 2011
    The sibling I'm "closest" with is 12...so I don't think that would work!
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    edited December 2011
    You clearly stated you are not close with your siblings, so don't choose one just to have a MOH. Sorry Brad, but read what she wrote.
    *~allie~*

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