Any ideas?

soontobeacollier

Im a very frustrated soon to be bride. Our family have so much animosity towards each other until we have halted ALL wedding plans. What we were thinking of doing is having a small ceremony at church and NO reception afterwards. Instead going out to eat with a few close friends after. Anyone have any other ideas? Wanna keep the day special and love filled just without the confusion....which means most of our familys wont be there. HELP

NJhousewife22

If you feel the families can't be civil/support your union, then by all means, do a small dinner post-ceremony without them. It's a celebration for the two of you and you deserve to have it be peaceful and positive.

mbcdefg

I'm not sure if I understand what you're hoping to do ... have a small guest list for both the ceremony and reception, or if you only want to take a few select people out for dinner after your ceremony.

A "reception" is hosting your guests after your ceremony for refreshments and thanking them personally for coming. A "reception" doesn't need to include a DJ, centerpieces, dancing, an open bar, etc. Chairs, some food and drinks, and your hospitality is all that's needed. (And of course, you should not expect your guests to pay for their own meals, even if you go out to a restaurant.)

So, yes, a restaurant meal after your ceremony is absolutely a wedding reception. And if you are saying that you only want to invite a few people to the church and then take them all out to dinner afterward, that's completely fine. If your families are not paying for it then they have no say. You can invite them, and they can either attend the wedding and shut their mouths, or boycott it entirely and it's their loss. As long as you extend the invite, it's not rude of YOU if they decide not to attend.

If you are saying that you are not inviting your families to your wedding ceremony or reception at all ... that's your call. But that's a move that'll cut you off from them, probably, forever. I personally would not, because all families fight during wedding planning. If you want to avoid fights, just leave them out of the planning and just tell them when and where to show up on the wedding day and leave it to them to decide whether or not to attend.

If you are saying that you want to invite a bunch of people to the church, but then only go out to eat with a few select friends ... then your family is absolutely right in protesting this idea. Because it's incredibly rude to invite a lot of people to the ceremony but then say that only the special people get some food afterward. Anyone invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception. Period. If you don't want your families at the reception, then don't invite them to the ceremony either. But you can't say, "You can come to the church but you're not welcome at the dinner." VERY rude.

soontobeacollier

We may just have the ceremony and call it a day. My own mother told the pastor, my fiances's mom, that she will NOT be attending. I have family members who would come to purposely screw something up. So the last thing I care about is being RUDE to them. In the end, its just him and I , guess our families dont see that.

mbcdefg

I'm not saying that it's rude to have it be just the two of you. I'm saying that it's rude to invite people to the church but then not to the dinner afterward.

I was unclear from your first post about what you meant (I interpreted it as, "We want to invite only a few close friends to the restaurant, not everyone who attended the ceremony").

It's not rude to have it be just the two of you, or to only invite a few friends if your families are not supportive.

goaliegirl

If I was in that situation, I would go to some tropical island or resort and get married there/have a honeymoon, just the two of us!  

 Maybe you can even invite a few friends that might be willing to travel.    Then you could come back and have a little get together with some close friends to celebrate back here.  

HobokensFury

I personally would elope to a tropical island if I were in that situation.  Have you considered talking to both families and getting to the root of the problems?  Because if you 2 get married the problems will not go away.