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Parents gift situation

To piggy back my last vent about my FMIL.  I just started thinking of the parents gifts and what to do for that. My parents are helping pay for the wedding by picking up the cost of the reception which is a huge help to us. My parents are wonderful and have helped out in anyway they can. When my FI spoke to his mother about the money situation, she told him she had no money and was broke ( she said she wanted to invite 30 people to the wedding so they could give us cash gifts and that would  be her wedding gift to us) she cries the broke card all the time, she just got back from a week and half cruise, she went out and bought herself a 3k dog and his sister wanted one too so she got her one, while my FI supported her for many years. I'm annoyed over it, but whatever what she wants to do with her money is fine, but don't act like your broke and can't help out your son.
So this leads me to the gift situation, I don't think we should give her a gift at our reher dinner. Is that mean and rude? I want to present my parents with something, and his father since he drove up from PA and redid our bathroom in our house for us as a gift and is helping with the limo cost.
My normal,  nice, inner self, tells me it's terrible to present something to my parents and his father and not her, but I also feel like she has really pooed on us and I don't want us giving her a gift to condone what she does, but I also don't want to not present something to my parents because we aren't giving her anything. What would you do?

Re: Parents gift situation

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    edited December 2011
    I would get her an inexpensive gift.  I think it would be in bad taste to give gifts to every other parent and not her. From your post, it seems like your FI's parents are not together, otherwise I would have said get them a joint gift.  But still, I would get her a gift, even if it is not as expensive or significant, at least it would be something.
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    edited December 2011
    Correct, my FI parent's aren't together. I agree..something very inexpensive would be better than nothing at all I suppose.
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    edited December 2011
    something very small. A token of your love.  Think $15 around that neighborhood.
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    LolyalyssaLolyalyssa member
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    edited December 2011
    If you are going to give the gifts publicly at the RD then you have to give her one too.  Ultimately, you hope/want the relationship to get better so you have to act like it going to get better.  If you make jabs back at her it is going to fuel her and make it worse for you in the long term.

    If you really just can't stomach giving her a gift and want to exclude her intentionally, then give the gifts in private and not at the RD.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the token gift idea...
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    edited December 2011

    I think you definitely have to get her something but I agree, it should be something small.

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    edited December 2011
    You should get her something if you're giving gifts to all the other family members. Can she help with planning at all? People can't always help financially. I definitely say something small but something just the same.
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    edited December 2011
    I would just give her a picture frame for your future wedding picture and call it at day.
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    edited December 2011
    i def think you should give her some kind of gift and i really like the picture frame idea... its cheap idea
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in a similar situation w/ no help from fi's parents.

    Would it be bad taste to provide my parents with a gift just not at the rehearsal dinner?
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    Reilly626Reilly626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Give her the frame with a note promising a picture.
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    edited December 2011
    Lola -  i don't think its bad to give your parents a gift and not FI's parents, as long as you do it in private.  For my pictures, FI and I are only getting 1 parent photo album for my parents (not FI's mom) because my parents are paying for the wedding.  Sometimes contribution is not always equal, gifts should be a thank you not something you have to do.
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    edited December 2011
    Lola- I agree..I don't think it's bad if your giving it in private. Then no one knows. If my spitefulness gets the best of me, I may just end giving our parents something on the side after the RD as well.
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    edited December 2011
    Eh I'm a proponent of the "token" idea-  it makes everyone feel included. Plus, they may not be helping with the wedding -but they brought you to this planet, so a token of appreciation for that is sometimes all it takes.
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