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Cold Feet

Okay, so I have to ask...how normal are the cold feet?  Do you girls ever have days when you just look at your fiance, or think about going home to him, and wonder if it is really want you want for the rest of your life?Wow, I can't believe I even just typed that...

Re: Cold Feet

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    edited December 2011
    I think I have more of a fear that he will change his mind not now, but in the future(years) and I will be left alone.
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    edited December 2011
    Well.....I must admit...... I went through that when FI and I bought our house! It was a dose of the reality that this is the person I am commiting to stay with forever! and yep! It was scary! But, after I I thought about it, in the end, there is no one else I could imagine being with.....So, with that said, I do think it's normal to ask yourself, but in the end.....If you can answer that question with a YES than, you are in the right situation.....But I must also admit! Wedding stress is not easy on a relationship! hehe :)
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    edited December 2011
    I think that everyone has those moments. I will say that if you have those feelings nagging you a lot you might want to talk to a counselor about them.  I am not saying run away but talking to someone about those feelings is a good idea.  I wish I had my first trip down the aisle. Most likely for you it is just jitters and it will be fine. Breath and get some one on one time with your FI. That may be all you need.
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    sarahlou1982sarahlou1982 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think its normal - I always question things in my life!I think for me - it was the whole making me feel like an old married lady that i worried about the most.  In my head im still 18!! We had some of our worst fights/dramas with planning this wedding - but that said a lot of its brought us closer too, it feels like the natural next step for us, and i cant wait! :)
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    edited December 2011
    Yes. Especially when he is annoying the crap out of me! I start wondering if I can put up with this for the rest of my life. But, then I remind myself that i'm annoyed over something small and it's the big things that make or break a relationship.Unfotunately, we both work in a profession where the divorce rate is VERY high.  That does scare me. I'm afraid of being a statistic.I'll come clean with something...The 1st time he proposed I said no. Well, not outright, but I went into extreme panic mode, had an axiety attack, the works. All the worst case scenarios went through my head. But, we talked about it and worked through it.
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    karma007karma007 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes. Every time we fight. I've been married more than once, and in fact left my last relationship to resume this one. (it's a loooonnnnggg story). Everytime we fight, I question a) my sanity for getting married again, and b) his sanity for marrying a girl who left her last husband in such a terrible way. We'll get in to a tiff about something stupid, and I question everything. Once I calm down, I'm fine, but I have moments on a regular basis.
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    atlcatloveratlcatlover member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I never worried about marrying him. I did worry about losing "me" but realized if that happened it would be my own fault. The only real doubts I had were about MIL, and I had to seriously consider whether I wanted to marry him knowing she would be a part of my life now. In the end, we just have no relationship and that works just fine for me.
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    mloeksmloeks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I thought about posting something similar to this myself this weekend, but didn't want to be made to feel awful. So i am glad to see other people in the same boat.We have been havmostly about the in-laws and related stress, but even the wedding budget. We were at a community project on thursday night and got in an argument right there! it's just been so much stress lately.Being a single parent, I've been the sole decision maker. So i am kind of used to running the show, so sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy giving up things like that. Recently, I covered a murder trial (I am a reporter) where the wife testified against her husband and admitted that she has openly despised her husband for the last few years of their wedding. So, that totally gave me cold feet and made me very worried about whether or not I really wanted to get married. I think that has lead to some of the fights - my fears - honestly.I do think we may consider some pre-marital counseling. If we were getting married in our church, we would get it. Since we are getting married in Vegas, it hasn't been a discussion. But, I started that discussion today and I told FI the story about the murder trial to bring it up. I'd rather us find common ground for working on issues than be the couple that hates each other. Who doesn't need a little room for improvement (or a lot :))?
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    RosymomRosymom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cold feel is totally normal.But if you know it is wrong, don't do it just because you think you have come too far.I wish I had listened to my inner voice the first time around...except then I wouldn't have my amazing son...so everything happens for a reason.
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    edited December 2011
    I worry about marrying him due to my FMIL. She is so evil but as each day goes on and he doesnt talk to her and she has gottent he picture that he doesnt want to talk to her it has gotten better. I also fear that he will some day fall out of love with me and leave me. In the end I know he isnt going anywhere, and he stands up for me when his mom talks bad and even hangs up the phone on her. I just dont want her at the wedding but he is making her come. Well good thing is no one willt alk to her because NO ONE LIKES HER!
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    slyefoxslyefox member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, I can completely sympathize! My wedding is three weeks away and sometimes I think my feet are going to freeze off! But I have spent the past couple of weeks exploring the feelings I have been having and thinking about why I am having hesitation and have found that it happens to be not only completely normal, but common. We have been spoon fed from early childhood that our wedding day is supposed to be the "happiest day of our life". It has been so overexaggerated and commercialized (this website for example) that if we we find ourselves not flitting around on wings of joy before the oh so "magical" event that there must certainly be something wrong with us. If we don't look at our fiance like Cinderella looked at Prince Charming - all doe eyed and vapid - then we must be broken or at least doing it wrong. But that's the thing - real love, mature love, forever in marriage love is not any of these things. Marriage is getting to have a best friend, someone who always thinks you look pretty (even with pillow creases on your face), someone who (mostly) gets your inside jokes, someone who when you have a cold and are all snotty will bring you a box of kleenex and chicken soup, and getting to have that best friend for the rest of your life. We live in an instant gratification society where the concept of greener grass is glorified and celebrated. So it is totally natural when you are about to make this commitment to your best friend to wonder about all that supposed greener grass that is out there. The reality is most of that other grass is brown and really weedy! You are with your fiance for a reason - you saw all of the wonderful things in this person that made you want to take this step. Don't let a false set of what if's blind you to all the ways your fiance is the right person for you. Take some time and write down all of the things you love about your fiance. Then right down all the things that you think you would be missing out on if you stay with your fiance. Then compare the two lists. Then think of the realistic chance that you will find someone who has everything on BOTH lists to spend the rest of your life with. You have made a good choice in marrying your fiance - don't let the chilly feet get you down!
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