Ok bridzilla

Silverlegacyga

How do you word not inviting FMIL to reception?? LOL NO one but my FI likes or even talks to her and he wants her to be at the wedding. So Im trying to compromise as she is nasty to me and she can be to the ceromony however I do not want her at the reception. My faimly will not talk to her and his wont either. She doesnt drink, we all do, her kids dont want her talking to their kids (her grandkids). I seriously dont want to get married because I know she is going to create problems. Fi says everyone just needs to suck it up but how can you suck something up to a person who goes against her own daughter and lies in court about her, then to me she always calls and says nothing nice to me always asking Fi if I yes ME can send her money since apparently Im wealthy. She was a horrible mom to FI she tried Ill give her that but she let him get abused by her husbands and uncles.I know bridzilla! But seriously he is the only person who can stand this woman!

mhoneybee

Are you doing DIY invitations? Just create a special invitation that doesn't have the reception information included.

Ray_Ray

Won't your FI be upset if she isn't there though? Sounds like it is pretty important to him that she attends. By the sounds of it she is a pretty despicable person, but it also appears that your FI wants her there.If nobody will talk to her, can you not just leave ask people to be civil but ignore her nastiness for the sake of your wedding? And maybe say to your fiance that if she starts causing trouble it is HIS responsibility to ask her to stop or leave?I know that you would rather her not be there, but I do think that if it means that much to FI, it wouldn't hurt to look at it again

stinkerbell6879

Humm....or....If you are ordering them....Do a seperate insert for the reception info, I know it might cost more....Will there be anyone who would tell her, anyways? or....Will everyone be more happy that she will not be there and that they won't say anything (LOL) Sorry...but she sounds pretty aweful!  

Silverlegacyga

Well I am DIY invites, no one will tell her about the reception. We are having to pay for her to fly there, pay for her room, and food and pay for her to fly home. She is a low life POS who never did anything but rely on a man. From when I first met FI until now he has changed dramatically as to how women really are and how he can better him self. She put him in such a rut that he will never be anything, and we fight about that every day and I show him what he has accomplished where he is going and what hes got going for him. He use to talk to her like every day and when he didnt call her shed call him and me non stop. It all stoped bc he told her to quit and that he is busy. Thanks for the advice Im going to talk this one over with fi. My plan is to fly her in on the wedding day, and then have her fly home right after the ceromony. This way it will save us money, and stress and she can get the f out of our lives!

aerinpegadrak

Your wedding is in TWO YEARS.  It's entirely possible that your relationship may be patched up by then, or that it may have fallen apart completely and your FI has cut her out of his life.  Either way, far too early to worry about it now.It's extremely rude to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception.  How does your FI feel about this?  Does he know that you want to cut his own mother out of the wedding?Like it or not, she's his mother.  She's part of his life, and if you want to marry him, she's going to be part of yours.  Simply trying to ignore and exclude her is not a viable solution.

jennb2003

I have to agree with the previous poster.  your wedding is so far away- who knows what will change. In my book she either gets a whole invite or none at all- not half and half. It is very rude and while nobody may leak the secret to her then, do you really think she will NEVER find out. Do you want that kind of anger from her when she does- talk about a relationship killer. If she is that horrid, I just wouldn't invite her period. But it sounds like its important to your fi that she is there- so let her be. How would you feel if an important family member was denied by him?Trust me- my parents don't drink a drop and everyone else drank up the open bar. People can and will be civil because it's a wedding. If she acts out, people will notice and judge her, not you and she will look like the a$$. Just my 2 cents, but I say if you are inviting her, then do it all the way. If you (AND your fi) want an easier way to eliminate her without as bad of hurt feelings- say you can no longer pay her way and leave it in her court to find a way or not go.

mloeks

I agree that you have to invite her to the reception as well as the ceremony. As your own sig says your FH is supportive of you, you need to be supportive of him. That includes his relationship with his mother. You need to try to help the relationship or at least stay moot rather than harm it. There isn't a mother alive who wouldn't be offended to not be invited to the reception. Not one.We did invite FI's parents, who are not attending. I can't stand his MIL and since we are not paying for my parents to attend, we are not paying for his parents to attend. That is your only option ... don't pay and maybe she won't come.Other than that, I think like the previous poster said, your wedding is 2 years away and that is plenty of time to make some effort to improve the relationship. I do not take pride in the fact that my fmil do not get a long. I hope that one day we'll be able to find some common ground. But in the meantime, I will do what I can not to add to it, even attending a dinner I did not want to attend this evening as a goodwill gesture. Sometimes, YOU need to be the bigger person. And leave everyone elses problems to between them...you will find getting involved in other people's drama will backfire on you. Trust me.

Chaotickiss

^^ ITA w/ the last few ladies. I wouldn't want to be in your position, she sounds like a real douchebag of a person. BUT she's your FI's mother and HE has no problem with her. Drop the judgement for 10 secs and invite the woman to the entire wedding. Only don't pay for her to attend. I wouldn't. If FI ends up paying for her, than he does. It's his mother. If his family has issues with her, those are their issues. You have to take a step back from it all and try not to get involved with the dramallama's. It's definitely not your place to dictate where/when his mother is.Atleast you have 18 months to chew on it. G'luck!

Silverlegacyga

Thanks girls. You all are correct in one way or another. I will just bite the bullet, but I will put my foot down to FI that if she causes crap shes gone. She will be escorted out by my brother who will have no problem with that, and my FI respects my brother. I am not paying for her to fly out, fi will have to find some way to pay for her, which for him will be difficult since he has direct deposit into my checking account. Hes not very good with money. Which would also explain why his mother cannot afford to go. You would think that at 60 yaers old you would have taken responsibility for your self and to quit depending on others... Some poeple just dont get it. I am very proud of Fi for not giving into her every wine and moan about money, and even telling her to get a job. She could work as a greeter at walmart, shes just too damn lazy

Venetian10

I think that a brides' invite should reflect people whom she likes an vice versa. No negative forces at the wedding  or reception, I don't care who they are.

Ray_Ray

And what about the groom? It's his wedding too

aerinpegadrak

Venetian: The whole "the bride can do what she wants because it's her special daaaay" thing is utter bull.  It stops being your day when you include other people.  That definitely means the groom, and your guests as well.  A white dress and a bouquet are not a license to have utter disregard for the feelings of others.  Steamrolling over the groom's wishes is NOT a healthy way to start a relationship.