Wording help

jmgotthardt

We are doing a Vegas wedding because our familes are huge, and we want a small, and budget friendly wedding.  We can't afford to have an at home reception afterward, but we are planning a big couples wedding shower before we leave.  I need help figuring what to do about invites?!  Something like this for shower invite?

Bride & Groom
lucky in love and marrying in vegas
date
you are invited to attend a couples shower honoring them
date
time

and then our regular vegas invite to the wedding?  I know most of my dads family wont go, and so i dont plan on inviting them... but am afraid of insulting them if they dont receive an invite.  Is the shower invite enough?  and then verbally explain we can only have 50 ppl at the vegas ceremony?  sorry if this is rambling.... lol this isthe hardest part of the planning!

j_jaye

I might be mistaken but etiquette wise  I think only guests invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower?

LilMissScareAll

1) You should not be throwing your own shower
2) People shouldn't be invited to the shower if you are not inviting them to the wedding

It looks greedy to do therwise and considered very rude.

TheEncoreBride

Agree with previous posters as far as the shower. If money is an issue you can have your parents just tell anyone that asks that you guys have decided to do something intimate. Most people would be supportive and understanding, leave it up to them to purchase a present if they so desire.

You can always have a wedding video "viewing" party after you return, it could even be a casual potluck where family stop by and bring a dish. The only purpose of this would be to share the day with them, not to ask for gifts.

I hope this helps!

mwkoby

I agree that you should not invite people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding.  If you wanted to do something before the wedding, you could have an engagement party and it would be an opportunity to let people know that you`ve decided to have an intimate wedding.  Same as PP said though, there should not be an expectation of gifts at the party.

aegrish

I think you may be better off having a reception post wedding vs. a shower before.  People will understand not EVERYONE can be invited to the destination wedding, but an informal reception after instead of a shower for those who aren't invited to the actual ceremony is definitely more appropriate.  And also, a reception doesn't mean you have to provide a dinner, maybe just appetizers and drinks.  If that's not in your budget, than I would just not do a shower (except with those who are invited).

jmgotthardt

thanks everyone!
couples shower is obviously the wrong phrasing.  it's really just a party before we leave with everyone.  maybe im thinking more of an engagement party.  my dad is cooking, my mom is planning and my sister bakes cakes, and is making our "wedding cake" because she insists i have to have one, even if its not when i get married lol.  the venue is free, our apt manager is letting us use the clubhouse as a sort of wedding present, and he's bartending for us.  it is absolutely not about getting presents.  mainly it is to give everyone a chance to get to know each other and have some cocktails and probably do some dancing.  especially since alot of my family has not had a chance to meet my fiance because of his work schedule (he works nights, sleeps days, and never has weekends off) so most family functions I attend alone.  We wanted everyone in the families to come and meet and mingle with each other.  The ones who can cometo vegas, so that they are more comfortable at the wedding & and the ones who cant come, so that we can share our wedding with them, even if it is before the actual ceremony.  like i said before, it is absolutely not about getting presents or being greedy. 

 does this make anymore sense?  or are we still stepping on toes and being rude?  that is completely not our intention

ebonyivory10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:340c2e78-d415-4350-bf49-34beb661a9c7Post:cc76505e-869c-4603-879e-b615e8719a7c">Re: Wording help</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks everyone! couples shower is obviously the wrong phrasing.  it's really just a party before we leave with everyone.  maybe im thinking more of an engagement party.  my dad is cooking, my mom is planning and my sister bakes cakes, and is making our "wedding cake" because she insists i have to have one, even if its not when i get married lol.  the venue is free, our apt manager is letting us use the clubhouse as a sort of wedding present, and he's bartending for us.  it is absolutely not about getting presents.  mainly it is to give everyone a chance to get to know each other and have some cocktails and probably do some dancing.  especially since alot of my family has not had a chance to meet my fiance because of his work schedule (he works nights, sleeps days, and never has weekends off) so most family functions I attend alone.  We wanted everyone in the families to come and meet and mingle with each other.  The ones who can cometo vegas, so that they are more comfortable at the wedding & and the ones who cant come, so that we can share our wedding with them, even if it is before the actual ceremony.  like i said before, it is absolutely not about getting presents or being greedy.   does this make anymore sense?  or are we still stepping on toes and being rude?  that is completely not our intention :/
Posted by jmgotthardt[/QUOTE]

Gotcha. Sounds less like a shower and more like an at home reception just prior to your wedding as opposed to after. It sounds fine. 

It would still be customary to stick to the rule of only inviting those that were/are invited to the wedding. All you have to do is extend the invititation to the wedding, it doesn't mean they have to attend. I wouldn't side-eye it if you didn't, but some people would.


ETA: As far as the wording you could say something like:

"Bride & Groom
lucky in love and marrying in vegas
date
you are invited to attend a casual pre-wedding reception honoring them
date
time"

TheEncoreBride

Thanks for clarifying! IMO I would call it an engagement party, it will give everyone an opportunity to celebrate and wish you guys well. I don't know how I feel about inviting people that I know I won't invite to the wedding though.

smokeybailey

Don't call it an engagement party either.  You really shouldn't throw that for yourslf either (etiquette-wise).  Just throw a party.  Everyone knows you are getting married so they might get the inkling that it is a pre-wedding party but you aren't saying it.

mwkoby

That makes a lot more sense.  I agree with PP that you shouldn`t be throwing your own party.  I would make sure that your family plans it and they are the ones that do the invites.  I`m sort of torn on my thoughts of inviting people who aren`t invited to the wedding.  My FIL`s are planning a ``reception`` at their place for after the wedding because they want to be able to invite all of their family friends and everyone from their church.  My FI and I didn`t want anything to do with this but it`s really important to his parents.  He is also moving to BC from WA after the wedding though and won`t be able to cross the border until he gets his PR card so it`s kind of an opportunity for people to say `goodbye``before he moves.