Nevada-Las Vegas

Family issues, rant, bit long

My dad has been with his partner over ten years and everything was fine till about 3 years ago for some reason she treats me and my sister as unwelcome guests when we visit. Its so uncomfortable, she snaps at my dad all the time and looks away if we talk about something that doesn't involve her. I personally think it may be because we're both around 30 and thought we wouldn't still be seeing my dad once a week, its like we're a liability. Anyway since we announced we were getting married in vegas its gone from bad to worse, she sent me an awful email saying I wasn't thinking about my dad who also ' wasn't enamored with the idea of going to vegas' (news to me, he was fine when we said we'd like to go if he could be there), how we were lucky that we had people going and also criticized my mum and said she wouldn't play happy families. It was awful for my dad stuck in the middle, ended in a huge row. Anyway we tried to put it behind us and things were much better for a couple of months. Anyway whenever we mention the wedding she has something negative to say. She's now said they wouldn't go for drinks with us on the evening of the wedding because its not fair on her children (who are 17 and 20}. They are getting to vegas the day before the wedding whereas the rest if family, friends and fiances family will be there 5 days before so they going to miss out on the rest, which is fair enough if that's what they want t my dads now asked if her son can be an usher so that his partner ' can feel more involved!' I feel in a constant state of anxiety around her, and have stopped talking about the weddin because I don't want constant dampeners put on the wedding and I'm dreading what she's going to be like on the day. I don't think there's a solution to this just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe get some perspective, thanks for listening x

Re: Family issues, rant, bit long

  • We brides don't deserve this, do we? So sorry to hear of this happening. Bottom line: this is your day, do what YOU want.  (what's the worst that can happen... she'll stop talking to you? hehe)

    If they're requesting the boy be an usher ... how about he be an usher to his mum (only), and then they can sit together? Your dad will be with you, right?
  • After all the bad attitude and unwarranted comments I'm surprised your dad asked you to let her son be involved in your wedding... (I definitely would not allow it). I personally would have more of an issue with my dad not making it very clear to her that this kind of behaviour towards you is unacceptable; but that's just me. Also, criticizing your mom was way out of line, I don't think I'd have let her get away with that...but again, just me. 
    Have you tried asking her or your dad why she treats you as an unwelcome guest? Does your dad not address this issue with her?

    As far as the bad comments go, the only thing you can do is to avoid talking about the wedding in her presence at all costs. If she mentions again that she won't be attending the pre-w events, or anything like that, just politely say "ok, you'll be missed".
    On the big day you'll be too happy to notice anything else so don't worry about her behaviour, if she's uncivil to the point of creating problems make sure there is someone in charge of asking her to leave. I'm sure it won't get to that point, though.
    If anymore unfortunate comments occur you might want to play the "I'm sorry, when I need your input I'll ask for it, 'k?" card. 

    Good luck!

  • Thanks ultra classic and wiwicaty, good points. And nope it wouldn't be so bad if she stopped speaking to me :). My dad thinks she's jealous we share in his life. Its like being back at school. My dads had words but he's like me, too soft, need to become a tough bride. I haven't asked her directly, tend to tiptoe round her, but perhaps I need to. You're right I probably won't notice on the day when surrounded by family and friends who are happy for us and believe it or not even excited to go to vegas xx
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_family-issues-rant-bit-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:35446a05-072b-488a-8295-8e91def8b09ePost:e90f1932-10c3-4545-b00f-3894df614785">Re: Family issues, rant, bit long</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong> Have you tried asking her or your dad why she treats you as an unwelcome guest? Does your dad not address this issue with her?</strong> Posted by wiwicaty[/QUOTE]

    This is your true issue -- your father allows her to treat you this way. 
  • Your dad sounds like my dad.  My step mom is a horrible b*tch; she runs the show and he won't do anything about it.  Any time she's involved in a conversation and something about me comes up, she'll have to inject something about her kids regardless of whether it has anything to do with the topic.

    On our wedding day the ceremony started 20 minutes late because they hadn't shown up yet.  110 other guests figured out how to get there on time, she couldn't.  Afterward, she tries to make small talk with my MIL and says something about how nervous my wife looked as she walked down the aisle; my MIL was like yeah, because she had been standing in a room for 25 minutes wondering why the ceremony hadn't started.   Haha, burn!  That mostly kept her quiet the rest of the night lol.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • I am so sorry you have to deal with this. You are his daughter. this woman needs to get a clue. How can you be jealous of your guys child?
    I say that if your dad is coming that is all that matters. She treats you like you dont exists so during your big weekend, she should be the last thing on your mind. I wouldnt put her son in the wedding either but Im probably not as nice as you. Eventually you will have to put her in her place.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_family-issues-rant-bit-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:35446a05-072b-488a-8295-8e91def8b09ePost:e6eee0d7-d5cf-4613-9cf3-208b26daec37">Re: Family issues, rant, bit long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your dad sounds like my dad.  My step mom is a horrible b*tch; she runs the show and he won't do anything about it.  Any time she's involved in a conversation and something about me comes up, she'll have to inject something about her kids regardless of whether it has anything to do with the topic. On our wedding day the ceremony started 20 minutes late because they hadn't shown up yet.  110 other guests figured out how to get there on time, she couldn't.  Afterward, she tries to make small talk with my MIL and says something about how nervous my wife looked as she walked down the aisle; my MIL was like yeah, because she had been standing in a room for 25 minutes wondering why the ceremony hadn't started.   Haha, burn!  That mostly kept her quiet the rest of the night lol.
    Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

    Ha ha. Way to go MIL. Although can't believe she did or said that in the first place! Sounds like both our step mums think the world revolves around them.

    And thanks to the rest for your comments, its helped me gain perspective and i'm going to start addressing these things more as they arise and not let it keep building up till i'm fuming / crying lol. Thanks xx
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